Jaws in Japan

What can I say about this? It starts like a found footage film, dipping into what could almost be an homage to The Ring. Then loses its way even more. We are subjected to repeated footage and aimless progression towards the inevitable "shark" attack. I don't know if the dialogue was as trite and as forced in the original Japanese as it is in the subtitles, but it's pretty dire.

I can only assume this is someone's backyard attempt at a new take on Jaws. As such, it's probably fine if the intent was to show his mates over a few beers.

If you're going to watch it, I suggest getting the DVD so at least you'll get a nice coaster for your troubles.

Just to clarify. The film has a running time of one hour and six minutes, which is set entirely on land. Not an exaggeration, just a fact. This should warn you how little shark action there is. NONE!

This film is based on the false premise that even a bad 'Jaws' rip off is still a 'Jaws' rip off. How hard can it be? All you need is a giant killer shark eating people. Cut, print!

After seeing over 30 sharkxploitation films I know this isn't true. 'Jaws' rip offs can be bad. Really really really bad!!! Like 'Cruel Jaws' or 'The Last Shark.' This one takes the prize.

It's more a rip off of 'Paranormal Inactivity' than it is 'Jaws.' Hence it's really really bad. It's a "found footage" film of girls on vacation filming themselves. So it's not as painful as 'Paranormal Activity' because they're speaking Japanese so the characters are less annoying.

Scary music plays when the girls are either taking a shower or alone in their hotel rooms. Begging the question, who's filming this? Why is scary music playing? The killer isn't Jason, it's a shark. The shark isn't going to break into their hotel room! We know this!

This might actually have made sense of the girls were out on a yacht where the shark could attack them. But chartering a boat would require actual money from the film makers.

The rest of the film is also ON LAND! The first rule of a sharkxploitation film is to get your characters out on the water where they can be eaten! The shark can't come ashore!

The supposed "action" scenes are also on LAND! That's right. They're in three feet of water on the beach when the shark shows up! This isn't scary! They can walk away! A great white can't get you in three feet of water! This isn't scary!

Just to clarify. The film has a running time of one hour and six minutes, which is set entirely on land! Not an exaggeration, just a fact. This should warn you how little action there is.

At least the film does barrow from 'Baywatch's success. Silicone, silicone, and even more silicone! This is exploited for all it's worth with tons of scenes of the girls jumping up and down screaming for help and even a scene where a knife is held by cleavage. Yes, they're all Japanese girls which makes this even funnier.

Don't watch this film!

If you watch this pile of Crap I promise you'll be annoyed, annoyed that you allowed yourself watch an hour of this so called movie. I can't genuinely think of a positive thing to say, aside from the interesting opening scenery which shows a little bit of imagination. The acting is terrible, the Shark isn't what you'd expect. I understand they ran into some legal problems for using the Jaws name, this would even tarnish Jaws the Revenge, if you're looking for some Shark thrills watch Sharknado instead, this makes it look like Jaws. Horrific hour of my life wasted.

I don't know about you, but I always enjoy seeing pretty girls on vacation, giggling and posing for the camera in their bikinis. Maybe that's just me, though. Lots of suspense, not much horror, although the evil psycho "shark" is very wicked indeed. And it's a shame the cuties have their vacation spoiled. It just goes to show that if you're going to plan a trip to an exotic local, you really should make reservations and know where it is you are going.

All in all, this movie seemed a lot longer than it was, since nothing much really happened until the very end. And it was odd that those bikini tops never even came off; that might have livened things up a bit.

JAWS IN JAPAN (2009)

BOMB (out of 4)

Miki and Mai are on vacation when they go back to the home of a strange man when even stranger things begin to happen.

JAWS IN JAPAN also goes by the title PSYCHO SHARK but no matter what you call it the film is a complete dud that lacks anything good. Well, let me take that back. Both Nonami Takizawa and Airi Nakajima do a good job in their roles as the annoying girl but everything else is pretty awful from start to finish.

The biggest problem is that nothing here makes too much sense. At times there's weird video footage of the friends, which makes you wonder if it's going for THE RING type of rip-off. There's a shower scene, which I'm guessing is meant towards PSYCHO. Then there's the god-awful looking shark that finally shows up. None of it makes any sense and even worse is the fact that this lasts just 69-minutes.

Be on the look out for the shower sequences where it appears the actresses didn't want to be nude so they re-enact the shower motions with their bathing suits on.