- Eva: I have listened to your bullshit for much longer than I want to listen to bullshit. I didn't teach tenth grade students for thirty five years for nothing. I could tell when they were lying even when they didn't know it!
- Eva: [In Spanish, subtitled in English] I'm coming, my love! Daddy lost his balls in the jungle again. Mommy is coming!
- Eva: [Looking at her bank balance on her laptop] If the insurance people call I can say "Why? Look, it's right there. I have nothing to hide." In the meantime we can sit around and enjoy watching the money. I *could* pay off Frank's hospital bills, and... er... the dishwasher is broken.
- Maddie: Yeah, with five million bucks you can even replace your shower curtain.
- Waitress: Hi! What can I get for you ladies today?
- Maddie: Would you... date someone in their sixties?
- Waitress: I'm sorry?
- Eva: Er... French toast. That really looked good.
- Maddie: Would you go out with a man in his sixties. It's a simple question. My husband just left me for someone who could be your twin.
- Waitress: Oh my god. Are you Maddie Reynolds?
- Maddie: Yeah.
- Waitress: My friend Clarissa just moved in with your ex-husband.
- Maddie: [is distraught] Oh my god.
- Eva: We shall have a Spanish omelet.
- Waitress: It's really awkward. I'm really sorry. She is such a *bitch*.
- Maddie: I thought you said she was your friend. What does she see in him?
- Waitress: He kind of... looks like Patrick Stewart.
- [shrugs her shoulders]