Sometimes I Think About Dying

"Sometimes I Think About Dying" is a poignant and introspective film that illuminates the complexity of human emotions and existential struggles. Through its compelling narrative and beautifully crafted characters, the film explores themes of loneliness, depression and the search for meaning in life. The portrayals are authentic and moving, drawing the viewer into the inner turmoil of the protagonists. It is a thought-provoking journey that inspires empathy and reflection, reminding us of the importance of connection and understanding in a world where the thought of mortality can often weigh heavily on the mind.

Fran (Daisy Ridley) is a quiet loner who often thinks about suicide. She is alone even in a crowd at her work. Co-worker Robert gets past her barriers and they start dating.

Initially, I'm interested for about ten minutes and then I'm wondering if anything is going to happen. Something happens and I'm interested for another ten minutes before wondering if anything else is going to happen. That's how it goes. I alternate between mildly interested and waiting for the next thing. For the second half, I am interested in one thing. I'm waiting for the ending. I'm just not sure if it's going full dark or going for something more hopeful. This is not for everyone and not all of this is for me.

"Fran" (Daisy Ridley) likes to keep herself to herself. She's very much on the periphery of things at work and goes home to her favourite cottage cheese and bed by 10.15 most evenings. The arrival of "Robert" (Dave Merheje) shakes things up a little when his request for some office provisions leads to a trip to the cinema to see "Departure" (2015). Though it could never be described as racy, what now ensues watches the two get a little close and a better acquainted. She reveals to him that as she looks from her cubicle window at the huge cranes loading and unloading the ships, she imagines herself swinging from one of them - and not in the way a child might! A chance meeting with the recently retired "Carol" (Marcia DeBonis) in a diner might help "Fran" recalibrate her priorities though! This is a far cry from anything Ridley has done thus far, and shows her as an actor of considerable versatility. The writing works quite well here, too. Sparingly used between the main characters but more plentifully used to illustrate the banal nature of her life at work - especially with boss "Isobel" (Megan Stalter) who has verbal diarrhoea in just about every way you can imagine. The story takes quite an interesting look at those (slightly) later in life who are in a rut and content to remain so but I'm afraid this whole scenario doesn't really make for gripping cinema. Indeed, at times the director seems content to leave us with only the superficial glimpse of the characters and together with the bleak and dull nature of the lighting, creates an ennui all of it's own. It's not so much that nothing really happens, it's that I wasn't really bothered either way if it did or didn't. The whole thing is all just a bit too lacklustre. It's fine, this film, but not much more.

First thing, is that this is a very depressing movie to relate to. Especially the character. The movie itself is pretty uneventful, it's purposely not trying to do anything conventionally interesting. I enjoyed it though just because of how deliberate that was.

You can feel how socially awkward Fran is. This felt like it was made by an introvert, the type that isn't an introvert of their own volition. I love how introversion is depicted as something we don't have a choice in. I think the movie does a good job at conveying her emotions in the moment. Daisy Ridley was fantastic. There probably are movies out there that depict social awkwardness pretty well, but this is the one that I feel did it best. Probably because there were so many awkward interactions in this where I thought "oh that happens to me a lot" Or "oh I those thoughts too."So it felt personal to me.

I also loved how the movie is narrated from Fran's perspective. It feels like we're in her head, and for the most part we don't get to see if other characters are judging her introversion for the most part. So we just get to see her inaudibly, through her mannerisms, ask herself oh is this weird? Was that a weird thing to say? This is weird, right? I think it's the perfect depiction of social anxiety, awkwardness and loneliness.

The only thing I didn't like was the argument in the car. It made sense but it felt unnatural in the moment, sudden and random. Otherwise the movie is perfect to me. Every now and then I wondered when this movie is set; sometimes I think it's the 90's because I haven't seen anyone play CDs in a while, but then the computers in the office are new.

A guy fell asleep and was snoring. Didn't seem like a movie that should be playing in theater. I think it's a movie most people wouldn't like or maybe even relate to, but I loved it.

As much as I loved the style in which director Rachel Lambert explored a few weeks in the largely uneventful (but..eventful too.. sort of?) life of a socially awkward isolation-enjoyer, what spoke to me is her sense of visual aesthetics. The port city of Astoria, Orgeon is a distinct character within the film, and its laidback stillness is something I grew to like. Several frames delineate the notion, and I think they sublimely complimented the life that Fran (Daisy Ridley) lives. She enjoys her work, but loves running away from the small talk that the office brings. She awkwardly exits office gatherings, including one where a longtime colleague of hers is retiring. There's greater meaning to most of these little moments, but not everything has a meaty payoff.

The film's delicate pacing is, at times, broken through banter between Fran and her new colleague Robert (Dave Merheje), as well as through sudden transitions where she ponders over death (..her death, i.e.). This is the most I've enjoyed a Daisy Ridley performance in years, and it speaks volumes when an actor can convey the right emotions through subtle changes in body language. Fran isn't much of a talker per se, but when she does, she's also less curious. She slowly grows to love movies and being around people, thanks to Robert's interventions. I like how the film addresses the issue of Robert being unable to fully comprehend Fran as a person. There are layers to her than even we (..as audiences..) cannot fully peel off. We know next-to-nothing about her family, and the circumstances in which she grew up. We know she ain't suicidal, but she doesn't seem to relish life all that much either.

Actually, a lot of unsaid elements contribute to further, deeper readings of Fran's demeanor. Her depressing thoughts on death aside, there's one moving scene towards the end where she randomly encounters the retired ex-colleague and learns how life is so unpredictable and difficult, underneath all the "plaster" that we add to it. I got to know that the film is based on a 2013 play called Killers, and it, sure as hell, makes for splendid material on the stage. I'm glad though, that Lambert decided to make it into a film, as mundanity of life is something that's less discussed in the world of cinema. Dabney Morris' score adds to the understated nature of its proceedings, making the experience even better.