The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd consider putting myself up for adoption.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd fling fecal matter at the screen.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd throw a tantrum just to get taken out of the theater.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd never want to see another movie again.

This movie was not good.

Don't take your kids to see this garbage. There are TV shows far superior to this. There are classic movies far superior to this. Last year's Winnie The Pooh is perfect for kids. Show them that.

Not this sludge.

One of the worst movies in the world. Don't be fooled by the bots who are freaking PRAISING this movie. The movie is god awful. In fact it's so bad that I would give it 0 stars, but IMDb does not have an option to give it 0 stars. "The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure" has to be the WORST movie ever right next to the Garbage Pail Kids movie. Don't waste your money on this miserable pile of excrement. It is absolutely horrible. Also, if you really want to have your eyes and ears bleed, watch the movie at your own risk. And, would you believe that this "movie" is at a 7.4?! Want to know why? Apparent some troll decided to get a bot that spams this movie with surprisingly positive reviews, thus, bringing the rating up. This movie is a good reason why IMDb needs bot protection.

Awful, pointless, unlikable, and unfunny. One: the costumes are just awful. They're disturbing and they can give you nightmares. Especially the 3 creatures (The Oogieloves AKA Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie). Two: The actors. CHRISTOPHER LLOYD, CARY ELVES, CLORIS LEACHMAN....These famous actors play unlikable characters. Congratulations, the career of these actors have a new low. =_= Three: The. Horrible. PLOT! They expanded finding 5 balloons in 83 minutes? It's repetitive! With lots of SLOW POINTS. Also, there are horrible puns and jokes. Like when Toofie's pants fall down...IT'S NOT FUNNY. Four: The songs are absolutely horrible. They will make you want to rip your ears off. The worst song is the awful theme song. I can't believe this piece of trash has many positive reviews. Five: The fact that this movie got theatrical release when everything screamed "Direct to DVD". I'm not forcing anyone to avoid this, but who doesn't like very annoying kid's movies shouldn't watch this.

Really, people?

I mean, I saw the movie. I saw it just to see how bad it was. Oh, I was not disappointed. And it seemed like at the time everyone else agreed on how bad it was, considering it had a 1.7 rating here on IMDb. About three quarters of a year later, here we are with 4.9? How did this happen?

So people just decide to up and suddenly praise this movie? Yep, seems likely. I did a little research on a lot of these "reviewers", due to outrage and a bit of summer boredom, I'll admit that right there. Here are my findings: Many of them were not only posted within a span of four days or so, but most of them have "The Oogieloves" as their only review ever made. Also, those accounts were made exactly one month and three weeks ago from today. What are the odds? Not to mention their usernames follow the format FirstnameLastnameNumber. Is it possible for everyone to just up and decide that? Poorly executed cover. Maybe this is true, and maybe it isn't, but to me it looks as if Kenn Viselman, the "marketing visionary", is getting desperate and is asking people to give his "film" good publicity. How else do you explain this sudden spike in votes and reviews? And if this really is true, then maybe Kenn was lying through his teeth when he said it "wasn't about the money". I mean, seriously. If it's not about the money, why the heck would you credit yourself as "marketing visionary" in the trailer? Does anyone see the irony in that? We're not that stupid. (Funny, I can imagine kids all over the world saying that to their parents when they saw the trailer.) Not to mention, if this is Mr. Viselman's way of compensating, then he must not be very good at his job. When you have to literally hire people to like your movie, then quit your occupation. That's like paying people to cheer you on at your baseball game. That's a bust. You've hit rock bottom, Kenn.

And this film truly deserves more bad views than it already has. Three over-sized, fully-clothed Teletub- er, I mean Oogieloves- go on a quest to find five magic balloons for their friend Schluufy. After all, it is his birthday (it is a he, right?). Okay, that's not a bad set up. It's simple enough. But we need to keep the parents entertained. Let's spice it up with some C-list celebrity cameos! I watch them sing and dance in this movie, and I bury my head in my hands, wondering "Why, Prince Wesley, why? Detective Kujan, what are you doing with your life? Doc Brown, if only you had your DeLorean to travel into your future and see this pile of dung!" It's sad, really. However, even when watching the movie, I think to myself "So what's so bad about this movie?"

It's not how poorly-made it is, how badly-written the songs are, or how embarrassing the cameos are. It's the fact that they think this is what kids need. Do children really need three crudely designed gigantors talking down to them (literally) as if they were stupid? This is WAY past pandering, it's babying. Many people would respond to this, saying "Oh abrown975, you've gone too far. It's just a kids movie. It doesn't have to be perfect." Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. "Oh come on, it's just a toy. It doesn't have to be perfect." "Lighten up, it's just a baby swing. So what if it's shoddily made?" "It's okay, it's just a pacifier. Why would it need to be child-safe?" Let me put things in perspective if I haven't done that accurately. Is "Barney's Great Adventure" a kids movie? Yes, and it was horrible. Is "The Lion King" a kids movie? Absolutely, but it's currently rated the #1 animated movie of all time on IMDb. What about "Mac and Me"? How great was that? Not at all. What about "Up"? Um, nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, need I remind you.

Just because it's a kids movie doesn't mean quality has to be abandoned. Using "How can children tell?" as an excuse is just a blatant cop-out. It's laziness, no matter how "revolutionary" the idea is.

THAT'S why "The Oogieloves In the Big Balloon Adventure" is not only a horrible children's movie, but just a movie by itself.

And that's exactly why I say you should definitely watch it. WHAT A TWIST! Yes, that's right. Watch this horrible piece of poo. Watch it with your friends. Make fun of it. Have fun. This is the "Troll 2" of our generation. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" has prepared us for this exact moment.

Huh, maybe this was Kenn Viselman's plan all along to get viewers. Perhaps he really is a successful "marketing visionary" after all. Well played, Mr. Viselman.

This movie still sucks though, no matter how many PR people are telling us otherwise.

UPDATE: 6.3!

UPDATE 2: 7! This is unbelievable.

Well I just finished this film. Full disclosure, I lost a bet on whether the Pittsburgh Pirates would go above .500 this season and for some crazy reason they actually finished above .500 so I had to watch this film. With that said, I can say that at times I was thoroughly entertained.

Let's start with the acting, it's hard to imagine why some talented actors chose to work in this film but then it's not that hard to imagine when you think about the one day of shooting for the significant pay day. Listen, every actor or actress was just horrible in the film. Tony Braxton was so self centered that it was almost uncomfortable for me to watch and not one time do I remember her stating who she actually was in the film. Was she playing herself? I'm still left wondering about this one.

Cloris Leachman was the first respectable actress to appear and she essentially played a crazy person. Her character was obsessed with circles. If you just read that sentence and re read it because it didn't make sense then let me spare you the third re read, yes...she was actually obsessed with a circular shape. When the Oogielove trio enters her home and begins speaking with her they mention nothing about this psychopathic problem. If I entered a situation like that, my initial thought would be something like "What the hell is wrong with this woman? I gotta get outta here. This woman is crazy and I legitimately need to be worried about my safety." Instead Cloris's character induces the trio into a disturbing dance about circles that is sure to leave the audience questioning their sanity.

By the way, let me interrupt my character and acting assessment to quickly explain to you the plot of this film. The Oogieloves wake up in the morning and it apparently is their pillow's birthday. Once again, you read that correctly, it is their pillow's birthday. Now there is no explanation for why there pillow is alive or whether it can even speak at this point, as a viewer you just have to go with it and as I tried to immerse myself in the Oogielove world, just for a second I was able to believe that the group was really excited about there pillow's birthday.

Now we are introduced at this point to our first supporting character in the film, a window with a woman's face on it. Think Snow White mirror but a beautiful woman instead. I wish I could say that this talking mirror is the most unique and weird character in the film but frankly it probably doesn't even approach the top three. The talking mirror speaks with a southern accent for really no reason whatsoever. I'm not sure where the accent comes from but it is just accepted despite no one else in the film having that accent.

The window wakes up the Oogieloves and they look into her. She has the magical ability to see anywhere in their mysterious land so she shows them an approaching character. What character you may ask? Well this character is hands down the most unexplained and unbelievable character in the film, it's a talking vacuum cleaner. Why a vacuum cleaner? I repeatedly asked myself that question while watching the movie and came up with no good answer. I'm just going to assume they simply thought of a household object and for some reason believed a vacuum would make for an interesting character. They were wrong.

The talking vacuum accidentally lets go of some helium balloons for the surprise birthday party for the talking pillow because I think he tripped on the sidewalk. (There is a sentence I never would've believed I would've typed in my life.) So the Oogieloves trio set out to go and find the balloons for the party. Now at this point my spidey senses were tingling. I had a ton of issues with their decision making here. So you're telling me they can't just go buy 5 more balloons? The talking vacuum has an answer for that question. No, these are the last balloons in their world. Hmmmmmm...well played director, well played. Well truthfully, we learn later these are magical balloons that can sing but their song was really stupid and basic and I don't really think the talking pillow enjoyed it but I don't want to give away the ending for you all.

So the Oogieloves go from place to place and meet the celebrities. The worst acting performance (and believe me this was not an easy decision) had to go to Christopher Lloyd. In about 10 minutes of screen time he had 1 line...ONE. I mean really? He just blankly stared at the camera and then made weird threatening faces towards the Oogieloves when they stared at Jaime Presley the wrong way. And yes, we were to believe that Christopher Lloyd was hooking up with Jaime Presley. The sad fact is that this was not the most unbelievable subplot of the film.

Listen there is other characters in this film and other terrible story lines that are worth discussing but I think I've talked enough. It was a disturbing film and really entertaining at times. It was an awful film and I don't believe for a second that kids would actually enjoy it (kids aren't stupid) but from a satirical standpoint I somewhat enjoyed it. View at your own risk.

(As a side point you have to love the people that come on here and are hired to write reviews. They are so blatantly hired to write positive reviews and frankly it is comical.)