Orcs!

In Orcs!, forest rangers Cal (Adam Johnson) and Hobie (Maclain Nelson) battle a horde of mythical monsters from Middle-Earth, who emerge from a mountain to wreak havoc in a National Park. Such a set up is clearly intended to be nothing more than a bit of dumb fun, but while the film is certainly dumb, there's not nearly enough fun, with a lack of decent jokes and scares, and a failure to deliver on the outrageous gore and gratuitous nudity suggested by an early shot of a decapitated head on a stick and the presence of two young hotties in tight vests.

Most notable of all, perhaps, is the distinct lack of actual creatures. Sure, there are plenty of extras running around in cheap looking suits of armour, but as far as identifiable orcs are concerned—you know, ugly critters with real bad complexions and over-sized fangs—well, they can be counted on the fingers of one hand. No doubt this was due to budgetary constraints, but the viewer can't help but feel a tad cheated. This is where an excess of gore and a spot of nudity would have come in handy: after all, it doesn't cost a fortune to throw some buckets of blood around and get a few aspiring starlets to strip off, and it sure would have helped matters immensely.

Instead, we get irritating main characters, supposedly 'witty' dialogue that falls flat on its face, one or two unconvincing death scenes, a repetitive over-long night-time siege totally devoid of tension, and a couple of inexplicable pastiches of key scenes from The Fellowship of the Ring which are neither clever nor funny—all of which adds up to an instantly forgettable waste of time.

The best thing about Orcs! are the production values, which in the photography, costumes and scenery are very good. The photography has fluidity and skill, that way it allows us to enjoy the beautiful scenery more. The costumes are reasonably attractive too, colourful and neither over-the-top or ugly. The music does have some excitement that is not there in the rest of the movie, there are some beautiful parts and it doesn't play too much of a dirge. However, the special effects are slapdash at best, they are weirdly proportioned and there is nothing smooth in their movements. The orcs are no better, design-wise they fare even worse, the Chamber of Horrors actors in Madame Tussauds' are far more believably made up, and they are very amateurishly acted. In fact the acting is not very good in Orcs! There are a couple of mild bright spots, but a lot of it screams of inexperience and I found myself constantly annoyed by the characters, especially Cal who's annoyingly acted by Adam Johnson. Orcs! falls down badly in the script and story departments. There is a lot of "humour" in the movie, and the bad news is that very little of it works and there really needed to be much less of it. Instead of witty, it just felt cheesy and immature, made worse by the actors' forced dialogue delivery. Aside from the humour, the rest of the script is very stilted and confused. The story is a mess and never seems to find the right tone, it tries to be quirky, it tries to be suspenseful and it tries to be scary and it succeeds at neither. The orcs are nowhere near threatening enough and have no presence really, while the movie is too dull and predictable to be suspenseful and the action is sluggishly edited, is choreographed with no excitement, tension or fun whatsoever and is performed with no involvement. In conclusion, the production values(outside of the effects and the look of the orcs) are decent but the rest of the movie is a big misfire. 3/10 Bethany Cox

If you are looking for LOTR look elsewhere. A stoner ranger, his dim witted trainee and his militant enviormentalist girlfriend fight an invading tribe of orcs at a national park. All the characters are pleasantly two dimensional. Cheesy special effect and costumes. Predictable plot. But fun none-the-less.

Well, you know what you are in for when you look at the title of the movie alone. But still, I decided to watch this movie to conquer the boredom.

The movie in itself was a mixed blessing. The camera-work was actually quite good, and the locations and scenery was off the charts. Lots of really nice stuff to look at here. Lots of vibrant colors and locations.

Now, the bad stuff about the movie was the story. Come on, orcs being released from the confined subterranean of a mountain by some miners blasting for ore. Well, alright, why not? But orcs? Come on... And to make matters worse, the orcs resembled nothing more than teenagers running confused around at a live role-playing game event. It was dreadful to look at. And the fighting scenes were rigid and painful to behold.

As for the acting, well, it was not top notch. Unknown names and faces, to me at least, but then again, in a movie like this, I wasn't expecting to see anyone with a named carved for themselves in Hollywood already. There were moments of good acting, but there were also moments of horrendous acting. And the movie wasn't particularly helped along by an exciting dialogue.

All in all, "Orcs!" is a low-budget movie that uses pungent humor and suffers from a terrible storyline. But the movie is set in amazing surroundings, which actually helps make it bearable to watch. If you are bored out of your mind and want some non-brainer movie, "Orcs!" might just be the thing for you.

Tut tut to the person who wrote the glowing review.

This is an oddball film. It's low budget with first time actors....I'd even go as far as to say this is some sort of strange LOTR fan-boy homage. That's the feel that I had at the end of the film.

So - 2 dorky park rangers, whilst out doing their jobs, encounter Orcs which have been living in the mountains for a long long time. It's up to them to stop them. That's it! As simple as that, you have the story.

I can't say that the film was an engrossing entertaining watch but for a low budget 'I have a film idea and I'm gonnna make it' labour of love for those involved in making the film, it's not too bad.

The acting could use some work but otherwise the locations, costumes and effects are admirable considering. If you want to waste some time watching something mildly entertaining then give this a try.