Private Property

None have captured the spirit of how bad a film can be like this one. I literally couldn't NOt Watch because I am shocked this was made. 0/10 would never recommend not even to my worst enemy. Guantanomo Bay banned this movie because it was too evil to put on repeat.

I put this Hulu flick on at 1 in the afternoon while doing laundry and packing for an upcoming work trip. All I could think of while watching thus movie was Instagram "stories". I had just watched Shiloh Hernandez (even his name is Instagrammable!) in a movie on Tubi with the actress from Gone Girl and I Care A Lot. Like this, it too was a bad flick but that actress (I don't know her name, she never became an A-lister) is so great she elevates her films if given enough creative license to do her thing. I cannot believe how difficult it is to try and come up with six hundred characters to fill the gap. Cringe & thirsty.

The film had some great visuals and an overall, style. I enjoyed the story structure. It felt very noir. Even Shiloh's performance was quite entertaining. He was both charming, yet creepy. His character's back story was also interesting. But the film could've dove in a bit more on his back story. Perhaps, I was just invested to know more of his motives.

The only issue I had was the lead (Ashley Benson). She was not convincing in her role; it felt very forced. In most of the films I've seen her in, she always came off exhausted. To me, she was just there - acting. The film should've cast a stronger leading lady. She should've taken acting lessons.

I have seen my fair share of stinkers over the years, but this remake of private property is among the worst offenders.

Why do i think so?

For starters this is a remake, so it lacks originality, there is barely a plot recognizable, twists were so obvious, that they lacked any kind of surprise. There are some stunningly looking shots in the movie, but as any Zack Snyder film will show you, gorgeous looking shots do not rescue a movie without a plot. The main characters lack any form of chemistry.

I had the feeling, the director decided to make a film noir, but a very colorful one.

The list if producers and executive producers on this film is longer than the list of actors. Among them the leading man of this movie.

It might be worthwhile digging* up the original movie and give it a shot, but watching this one was a waste of money and time.

This film is a tad predictable, a bored housewife entertains a gardener with questionable motives. The film itself was not terrible and the cinematography was well done. But then there is the music. It made the movie almost unwatchable. I get that you're trying to do the artsy "Drive" thing with the electronic moody tones but maybe turn it down a bit so we can hear what the characters are saying? Very distracting.