Empress Vampire

This is what happens when you have a adult movie cast trying to do a movie with a plot. You can tell who was paid extra to go topless and who wasn't. So there's this immortal vampire Empress of China who leads a cult of subordinate vampires. The Secretary of Defense wants to recruit her as a secret agent, but trying to stop him is a Von Helsing (not a Van Helsing, because that would have required someone to do research) and a psychic.

The problem is the lead actress... you can barely understand what she is saying and her voice is kind of goofy... But she was willing to do nude scenes, which is what I suspect the director had in mind.

OH, yes. And musical numbers. It has musical numbers. Need I say more. Fake CGI Blood spurts. Cars driving against green screen backgrounds. The beginning of the movie looks like it was competently made, but then the later parts got cheap and kind of silly. You know, like they ran out of money halfway through.

This is 100% GARBAGE.

'Amateurish' is to high praise for it. Ailment this terrible works never be in Mystery Science Theater3000 - even those films' makers avidly tried -however ineptly - to seriously make something.

The purpose of this is to lie - even the aforementioned positive reviews are obvious lies.

There's nothing here; no script, nothing close to acting, just bad posing.

You'd be better off taking a hot bath than watching this.

Don't EVER believe such ridiculous positive reviews when your see the majority army just low, but VERY low.

I rate movies based on how much I enjoy them, not on their quality; or importance. This movie was unique, clever, and very sexy. It is not an example of greatness - quite the opposite. For example, there was a Christian movie on YouTube, about a high school football player. Since I myself claim to be Christian, then I should have loved the football story, and have been disgusted by this vampire movie. But the football movie was aggressively boring; and this vampire movie was nonstop, total fun. Seen on Tubi, the free streaming site, which now has live TV; and even the World Cup! But wait, this review needs "600 characters"! Or maybe 10,000 maniacs.

People giving this low ratings aren't giving this enough credit. You have to rate this based on what it is - it's not a big budget studio production. But they still managed to have an interesting story, plenty of nudity, and even some interesting musical numbers. Yes, this believe it or not, this is a musical!

Ok, the acting is terrible and the secretary of defense looks like he's 30 years old. But I enjoyed it a lot.

Wow, this movie was bad. Very bad!

First of all, you should know that this movie is what appears to be a very ambitious home-movie project. It feels like something you could very well shoot with your very own DV camera if you only had enough friends to make an appearance as one or more characters in the movie.

The entertainment value of "Aleta: Vampire Mistress" (aka "Empress Vampire") is almost non-existing. I managed to endure a prolonged 27 minutes of the movie, which actually felt like way more. With very little of any worth or interest happening, I just gave up. And the fact that the characters were bland and pointless didn't help much either, nor the fact that the acting performances were not impressive either.

For a vampire movie, this was a swing and a miss. It felt like director Phil Condit had an idea, scribbled it down on paper along with co-writer Ange Maya and turned it into a movie. And in the process also assigning the lead role to his co-writer as well. While she is an attractive woman, she is not that much of an accomplished actress - sorry to say.

The dialogue in the movie was atrocious, and most of it was delivered with such a lack of performance that you just yawn your way through it and your attention will quickly wander elsewhere than on the movie.

The acting in the movie was amateurish. Not that it is necessarily a bad thing. But it just was a bit forced in this movie and it didn't really feel natural.

I am rating this movie a mere two out of ten stars. It was an ambitious project for sure, but it didn't deliver where it mattered.

I had an hour left of the movie, and I have absolutely zero interest in returning to finish the movie at any time in the future.