Amityville Karen

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PARODY AT FIRST LMAO BUT NO-

Anyway bad movie and I haven't even watched it. I can just tell its bad. Me and my friends could probably film a movie with our phones and it would be better than this. I don't even have friends, so that means non existent people could make a movie better than this....thing, can't even call it a movie at this point. It would actually be funnier if it was a parody, but knowing it's an actual movie that someone out there thought was a good idea made me lose faith in humanity even more than I've already lost it. Anyway, I gotta go my fish is barking at my dog again and my dog won't stop meowing back so I have to take care of that, cya.

Honestly, this movie is horrible. Many of the actors seem to simply read their lines -- you can see their eyes moving while looking down or off-camera, clearly reading the text. The plot barely makes any sense. Many of the scenes look as though they could just be improv'd. The dialog is really bad. In addition, the costumes/dress and makeup are also ridiculous -- Francesca spends the entire time in a ridiculous wig, half the scenes feature actors who are sweating profusely, and Phillips spends the film dressed in a pair of odd shorts and a button-up white shirt that's about 3 sizes too large for him. Finally, the film clocks it an almost an hour and 45 minutes, which is about half an hour too long for the amount of story that's actually in the movie. Honestly, unless one wants to be supportive of Phillips or Francesca, there's really no reason to watch this.

I knew it would be bad. I didn't expect Val Lewton. I didn't even expect James Nguyen or Ed Wood. Just--not this. It's not even fun bad.

The script doesn't even try. Karen is a poorly-written caricature of the women who make lives miserable with petty displays of power. Her boyfriend(?) makes James Nguyen's protagonists look like Cary Grant. None of the actors add anything. They say the lines, and their paychecks didn't bounce.

Its budget is low, and there's no sign they even tried to be creative within it. Absolutely no scares or tension in any of the scenes.

Still, they'll make enough to recoup expenses.

This is so disappointing to me specifically, I have been looking forward to watching Amityville Karen for so long and this is so bad?! Why is that? It's really not anything. There's occasionally a funny line but this is 104 minutes (and so much of it is nonsense it could have easily been cut to 70 mins) and 90% of the jokes fall flat, not to mention Karen is horrible at being an actual Karen - half of the time she sounds so unsure of what she's saying and I think she was just ad-libbing? She isn't good at it!!! I am so upset. How could they do this to me. I want to talk to Shawn C Philip's manager.

There are a lot of indie horror people in this and behind this and none of them were able to save it because it's pretty much a mess. It starts out kind of promising with Karen karening all over the place, but the actress who plays her seems to be doing a lot of ad libbing and it's uh, not great. It's inexplicably 104 minutes long and draaagggggggssssss in so many places.

The last 15 minutes are half of the movies 58 producers each given a couple of lines to say in a "breaking news" alert that is tacked on just to give them a part in the movie for the money they contributed lol and then after that it just drops the news reel and has the rest of them saying bizarre things that seem like inside jokes nobody gets until it finally ends.

Still, James Duval can get it and Dawna Lee Heising is in this way too briefly and I'll watch anything she's in a hundred times but it actually works against the movie here because as soon as we saw her, Taylor and I both agreed she should have played Karen. Now that would have been the 5 star gold I wanted!