- Dr. Venture: Well, looks like they're about done, Helper. Are you ready to meet... the Venture Brothers?
- Billy Quizboy: It's actually kind of amazing. We accidentally built a miniature anti-gravity engine.
- Dr. Venture: Go Team Venture.
- Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: The crime scene cliche here tells a different story.
- Mantilla: Yeah, it started as kind of a checklist, then I had all these pictures, then I got some... yarn. You never set out to make an "I'm crazy" wall, but ya know. They happen. It's an organic thing.
- Dean: I got bit. Back in Chicago. I can feel the change coming. I don't wanna be a vampire!
- Jefferson Twilight: Boy, you got nicked by my necklace when I tackled your ass, is all. Always gotta make it about you.
- Ben: Hey kid, I wanna give you something. Your grand-pap gave me this before your dad was born.
- Hank: Is it more dumb news? You gonna tell me who my mom isn't?
- Ben: Nah. Just a watch. GMT Master. Venture Blue Dial. Tells the time in two time zones.
- Hank: It's heavy.
- Ben: That fourth hand there, the little date window, those are called complications. Complications make a watch special. More complications the more valuable. Read the engraving Jonas put on there.
- Hank: [reads] "Elige Tua."
- Ben: Eh. Close enough. It's latin for "Choose your family." Blood doesn't make a family. Love does. Your grandpap knew that. Choose your family, and remember, the complications make it special.
- Dean: Okay, so... who is our mom?
- Dr. Venture: Seriously, Dean, haven't we had enough family history for one day? I don't even know who my mom is. All you need to know is that the person who gave birth to you loves you. I promise they do.
- Mantilla: Just go ahead and kick her right in the throat meat. Hard as you want.
- The Monarch: What? No. I-I don't want to kick anyone in the... throat meat.
- Mantilla: Your loss.
- Mantilla: Ugh, when guys get comfortable somewhere, they always start peeing in bottles. What is wrong with them?
- Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Ugh, who the hell knows?
- The Monarch: I'm sorry for everything. I just... dig in.
- Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: You dig in. I know you, sweetie.
- The Monarch: Oh. So you know I'm Dr Venture, plus baboon? Fucking baboon.
- Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: You are the Monarch. That Dr Venture, he makes my skin crawl. You make me feel like the luckiest woman in the world. You're not the same.
- The Monarch: So, what now? I spent my entire life arching... me. I'm pathetic.
- Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Honey, you're a Greek myth. You're pitted in the eternal battle against the worst aspects of yourself. The Guild, it can't touch a rivalry like that. He's all yours, if you want.
- The Monarch: Or maybe I should just... give this all up.
- Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: It's your choice. I'll stand by you either way. Tell me what to do.
- [last lines]
- [Rusty gets his pants pulled down by an invisible Dr Girlfriend]
- Dr. Venture: Oh, come on! Who did that? Who's there?
- The Monarch: Feel the sting of The Mighty Monarch!
- Henchman 21: Yes! We are back!
- The Monarch: [in agony] Mark my words: I will get you, Dr. Venture! You can't hide from the villainous wrath of your better self! I am radiant and vitalized by the blood of the ferocious baboon! Now somebody call me an Uber!
- Dr. Venture: knew this was coming. Brock, aren't you gonna... get him?
- Brock: Yeah, I've had enough for tonight. I'ma just get him an Uber.
- Henchman 21: [to Rusty] Pawned!
- Ben: [on Rusty and Malcolm] They are not brothers. They're the same guy. Or clones of the same guy, at least. Other than a pinch of baboon DNA we spliced into R-22 to counteract the premature balding, they're identical. They're both Rusty clones. I told Jonas, "Don't put that monkey junk in there, it'll make him more aggressive." But did he listen? Noooo. Pawned R-22 off on that Morpho couple. Couldn't have kids of their own, poor bastards. Felt sorry for 'em.
- The Monarch: I am a super villain that hates Dr. Venture. That is the way it is, has been, and will always be. That's what I do!
- The Monarch: I can't believe we stayed for your over-the-hill rent-a-cop. Why didn't we just leave him and get the hell out of here?
- Dr. Venture: We didn't stay for Hatred. We stayed because if we leave, the building'll kill a bunch of people.
- The Monarch: ...So?
- Henchman 21: Dude!
- Dr. Venture: And that's why I'm always the hero and you're always the villain.
- Henchman 21: Don't go into the gallery.
- The Monarch: I'm not gonna look at your porn.
- Mantilla: Oh, you have no idea how much you don't wanna see his porn.