Dinocroc vs. Supergator

Well, you know exactly what you're getting with that title, so it's no surprise that DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR is a real stinker of a film. You know the film has to be bad when even cult director Jim Wynorski is hiding underneath a pseudonym. This one was handled by the SyFy Channel as a clear spin on the surprisingly popular Asylum movies, but it's even worse than those, if that's even possible.

The plot line is the usual stuff with government meddling in nature leading to the creation of not one but two super critters. Yes, they fight - eventually and in the most routine fashion - but until that stage we're mired in a mess of rubbishy actors and excruciating dialogue. David Carradine headlines the cast here but appears only in a minor role; for the most part it's blonde bimbo time, with nubile women running around in their bikinis and getting munched on bloodlessly. There's a wooden and ridiculously masculine hero called simply The Cajun, plenty of cheesy CGI effects, and an almost entire lack of blood and gore on display. Even B-movie fans will struggle with this one.

Well, first of let me start by stating that this movie was actually a notch above the rubbish that comes from the heads at SyFy. Sure, this movie was cheesy and pretty out there, but still managed better than so many others from the same company.

You get to see the two gargantuan reptiles right away, so that was fairly cool, and at most the CGI was adequate to look at, except for some repeated uses of some scenes. What is up with that? As for the dialogue in the movie, well that was halting. And there was so much over-pronunciation going on with some of the actors and actresses, it became unbearable to watch and much worse listening to in the long run.

The story, well nothing grand or innovating here. Pretty much by the "Hey Let's Make a Giant Monster"-movie book. It is quite honestly put, brainless action in the style of monsters going rampage and unlikely heroes coming together and besting the monsters, of course. And the stereotypical bad guy dies by the hands of his own creation. So, basically straight from the mold of these movies.

And why was David Carradine in a movie of this caliber? That was just beyond me, but hey, I am not one to question that, or am I? Well, anyway, this movie is better than most other SyFy movies, but still it is nothing to get your hopes up for. It is well below average as for other movies. Some giant monster movies make it work, and others fall through. "Dinocroc vs. Supergator" did the latter.

Might be worth your time if you like campy monster movies, or if you are a huge Carradine fan, otherwise, not really worth the hour and half wasted of your lifespan.

There can't be anyone left in the civilised world, or even Belgium, who doesn't know what to expect from a SyFy original FooCritter vs BarBeast quota filler by now.

In case you want to bake your own, here's the recipe:

A title vomited out by the Random Creature Name Generator, run twice.

One has-been Name who neglected their 401K back when they could actually pick and choose their projects.

Half a dozen desperate wannabes, harvested from the weeping rejects of other people's auditions.

4000lbs of assorted bikinis, short-shorts and military surplus, plus sweater meat and six packs to fill them. Quality unimportant, just back the truck up, tip them all out, and we'll film whatever works.

2 buckets of plot and lines swept from the editing room of actual features.

A double-scoop of "nature's revenge" technobabble, with a generous sprinkling of pseudo-science so utterly and boldly bogus that it must surely qualify as deliberate nerd baiting.

60 seconds of ropey CGI, re-shown from every possible angle.

Shake vigorously and squeeze down a warm cable for 90 minutes.

Come on, you know exactly what you're getting. A dash of cleavage, a splash of CGI gore, plastic props that ejaculate the same muzzle flash every frame for 20 seconds - no need to reload if you're not even using real fake guns - a corpse-a-minute, and a climax that could charitably be described as genre compliant.

To be fair, this is a particularly moist and well baked example of the recipe. The walking snacks do a generally decent job of flashing their funbags and emoting their precious lines before queuing up to become lizard chow, the girl-next-door lead poppet is all eyes and pout, the male leads aren't obvious douches, and a few scenes feature something shockingly close to actual acting.

The CGI in particular is surprisingly well rendered, efficiently used (and re-used), and occasionally very decently integrated into the live shots, sometimes even matching variable light and shade - surely a SyFy first. The live action is also competently shot, edited and scored: this is clearly someone's day job.

All of which must be kept in perspective. Strictly relative to other SyFy features, Dinocroc vs. Supergator is about an 8/10, which applying the SyFy Fudge Factor puts it at a solid 4 on the real scale. Not bad at all, especially if you bring a few beers and low expectations.

OK, apparently, you have to either love these types of movies or hate them...Judging by the other reviews, that is what happens. Some really like these monster movies and others wonder why they bothered.

What I want to know is: Do these movies make MONEY?

Average commercial price during these is about $10k. I guess if they run the entire movie half a dozen times, then they make back the budget. But do a lot of people watch them? So advertisers are either getting a really good deal or wasting their money. I can't imagine the DVD doing well, only from rental places that might carry it...

I am just really curious if these movies make their money back, and why some other movie projects don't get green lights.

Two of the mightiest and most fearsome beasts the world has ever known are brought together for a titanic fight to the finish. Or not.

About all these two do is prowl around some island and make occasional jump-out-of-nowhere kills (as if creatures this big and toothy would need to attack from the shadows). Characters all look suspiciously familiar. There's a Xena wanna-be who looks like Natasha from a Bullwinkle cartoon. There's an Indy Jones clone, and the usual Fish & Game girl. Some Hawaiian print shirt guy blows up stuff. There are some dino-chases-jeep sequences. And don't forget the obligatory extras who show up just in time to get croaked.

It's intentionally campy, and really cheap. A 2-year-old with crayons could make more realistic special effects, and the story meanders aimlessly from scene to scene. As for the clash of the titans promised in the title; don't blink, or you might miss it. High schlock meter reading on this one, and good for some laughs at how dumb it is.