River of Darkness

One of the worst scripts ever. This film was written, directed and produced by Bruce Koehler. I firmly believe he did it all himself because no one else was stupid enough to think that the abysmal script would work as anything other than toilet paper.

The acting was so wooden that the rest of the cast made Angle and co look like the spirits of Olivier. Don't get me wrong, they were by no means good. But the film started poor and just got steadily worse. The cinematography would have been substandard for views of Home and Away. Even low budget B-Movies should have standards. One last thing. Don't get me started on the 'special effects'. I have seen more convincing at Halloween parties.

In all this was amateur hour at its very worst.

WOW!!!! This is one word I can use as being tremendously awful. Where does someone begin with a film like this. Storyline was absolutely uneventful, characters were nothing short of uncompelling, cinematography was lacking throughout and the editing was sub-par at best.

Why do wrestlers insist on going into acting, Kurt Angles performance was sour and collectively did not fit the character.

The combination of slasher/paranormal/undead pairing was an utter "bomb".

Terrible, clueless, dreadful are words to describe the acting throughout the film. In fact this is pure garbage and in this film collector's eyes should have never been made. The audience as well as actors and people who worked on this film should all be given refunds for how terrible it is. It is 1hr 30 minutes of your life you'd like a refund on.

How do you stop ghosts from killing? After a series a gruesome murders strikes a small river town Sheriff Logan (Angle) notices a similarity. After his investigation points to three brothers that are dead things start to get weird. For starters the main stars of the movie are three wrestlers : Kurt Angle, Kevin Nash and Psycho Sid Vicious. When these are you main stars you really can't expect a lot from the movie. The plot, acting and apparent budget reminded me of a "Scy Fy" channel original movie...only worse. The acting is really, really bad. The movie itself could have been worse I guess, but the acting was so bad it's distracting. Overall this was better then I expected, but the acting was SO BAD it's hard to overlook. Movie is a C-, acting is F. When taking both into account, I say D+.

Would I watch again? - No way

I love movies of all genres, of any age, regardless of how good or bad they are. But River of Darkness doesn't deliver on any level. So far there have been some gems such as Rango, some mediocre efforts like Sanctum and some poorly conceived movies such as Battle:Los Angeles and Justin Bieber:Never Say Never. But River of Darkness is the only movie so far this year that I downright despise, it is that bad!

River of Darkness is a good example of a movie that is all style, no substance. Saying that does nothing in the film's favour, because production-values wise this film is shoddy. The scenery and sets have an appropriately Gothic look to them, but they are completely ruined by the cinematography and editing which makes the movie look as though it has been edited on a bacon slicer and the lighting which is incredibly dull.

River of Darkness fails epically in the story and writing as well. The story did have a nice arc to it on paper, but the execution was so derivative and poor one couldn't help thinking River of Darkness offers nothing new to the genre. Not one scene is believable in any way, the murders are all gore no heart no matter how marginally impressive the gore is. But that is nothing compared to the dialogue, I have heard some bad dialogue in many movies but River of Dakrness has some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard in my entire life. It is so cheesy and forced, and so clichéd and melodramatic I could not take it seriously at all.

The film's direction is incompetent. In fact the direction is so sloppy that the film could have easily had no direction whatsoever. The characters I felt nothing for whatsoever, they are written terribly and you learn next to nothing about them. The pace is languid so much so nothing comes to life. None of the actors are genuine or brings heart to their characters either.

Overall, a shoddy mess and to be avoided. 0/10 Bethany Cox

...the reason being that it was made at all. If your a wrestling fan looking for the novelty of seeing Kurt Angle, Sid Vicious and Kevin Nash outside of the ring then please realise....its not worth it. Nash and Sid are unrecognisable and rarely out of the darkness and Kurts acting is so appalling you will turn away and cringe so you wont see him much either.

In fact if you doubt that fact check out the other movies starring Kurt. He's an unbelievable athelete and in my opinion the greatest all rounder in the history of wrestling but outside the the ring he falls apart and cannot be taken seriously.

The acting is beyond awful, the special effects are preschool and the storyline is recycled. There is nothing good to say about this film and I hope all involved are ashamed of themselves.