Tiburón vs. octopus

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)

1/2 (out of 4)

In the good tradition of the grindhouse era, if you make a great title people are going to pay to see it. That's pretty much what happened with this horrid film, which became a cult item even before it was released due to the trailer being posted on YouTube and quickly becoming a hit. Once again I was suckered into a rental but hopefully others will stay away. The movie has a prehistoric shark and octopus breaking free, causing destruction and in the end fighting to the death. Oh yeah, Lorenzo Lamas and Debbie Gibson (yes, that one) star. Asylum, the group behind this movie, are experts at ripping off other movies with titles such as THE TERMINATORS, THE DAY THE EARTH STOPPED and STREET RACER. This here must have been their shot at doing something "original" but no matter what they were trying to do the end result is a complete mess of a movie, which features horrible acting and some of the worst CGI effects I've ever seen. This is the type of "B" movie that should make you laugh and at least deliver a good time but instead I walked away from this thing highly mad. Why? Because the thing is so cheap that they don't even include full attacks. We will see the shark jumping out of the water and attacking a plane yet we don't see the aftermath. The octopus attacks a large station yet we don't see what happens. The shark goes after a Navy ship, we see one bite but nothing else. There's a scene where the Golden Gate Bridge is attacked but we don't see it. Even the fight between the two monsters is extremely poorly done and that includes reusing the same footage over and over! The only reason this film avoids a BOMB rating is because of the scene where the shark jumps out of the water and attacks the plane. The sight of this is so incredibly bad that I couldn't help but start laughing. The performances are all really bad and that includes Gibson who seems to be confused by what she's doing. There are plenty of good "when nature attack" movies out there and there are many good "direct to DVD" titles out there but this sucker fails on both levels. This is a complete waste of time but at least the producers were smart enough to come up with a great title to get people like me to lay down their cash.

Watching a movie for camp value is a risky thing. To be sure, there are many movies that embrace their silliness and play up their camp value, but sometimes the best campy movies are the ones that take themselves too seriously without realizing that they're completely absurd to begin with. After viewing "Tale of the Mummy," and finally recognizing the virtues of an "unintentionally funny" movie, my friend and I decided to try again, this time with a movie whose title, "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" is so lame that the movie could only be campy fun...or so we thought.

Putting it bluntly, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. No amount of alcohol or other substance can bring out any entertainment value from this piece of crap. The acting is awful, the dialogue is a waste of printer paper, the special effects are an embarrassment, and worst of all, the movie doesn't make any sense. We hardly ever get to see the headlining stars, and when we do, they're just crude CGI effects that are repeated over and over again.

I'd describe the plot, but there it isn't coherent enough to begin with. All that I can tell you is that an ancient species of shark, the Megalodon (an actual species of shark, and that's the only thing that this movie gets right) and a king-sized octopus (that looks more like a squid) were found locked in battle in a giant ice cube. Somehow, they escape, and start terrorizing Japan and San Francisco. Now, it's up to three scientists to stop them.

The acting is awful. 80's pop star Deborah Gibson fares the best, although that's hardly praise. Vic Chao is horrible as her newfound love interest. Surprisingly, this is the only plot line that is coherent, and judging by how much we hate these two characters, that's not a good thing. Lorenzo Lamas is the worst of the lot as the idiot military guy, who wants to blow everything away instead of listening to the scientists (which, judging by their plan, is probably the smarter thing to do, except the movie expects us to sympathize with the moronic scientists...I guess gung-ho military types aren't all that bad).

This is what happens when you make a 200 million dollar epic for less than a dime. Camera shots are obviously repeated (sometimes the monsters are left out of a shot when they're supposed to be destroying something), the acting is grating, and the dialogue is cringe inducing. Even the extras look embarrassed, and they don't say anything. One could argue that this film might have worked with a bigger budget. The truth of the matter is, however creatively bankrupt Hollywood is, no one in the right mind would read this script without first running it through the paper shredder and burning all remnants of its existence.

Words cannot adequately describe how awful this movie is. Physical pain is almost pleasurable compared to the agony that this movie causes. This movie is hard to find, but it should be impossible. This movie should have never been made.

I'm sure that most of the people who have seen this film were suckered in by the trailer, which became an Internet viral-video smash earlier this year. How could you not want to see it after watching the clip of a gargantuan shark jumping out of the ocean and attacking an airliner? Giant Monster Movies have always brought out my inner 8 year old, and "Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus" was no exception. Is it a good movie? Of course not. But is it a fun movie? Oh, hell yes. For Z-grade direct to video aficionados like myself, this flick is manna from Heaven. I've read much about the notorious production house "The Asylum" (and its celebrated "mockbuster" ripoffs of more famous movies) over the past few months but this is the first film of theirs I've seen. I hate to admit it, but after seeing "Mega Shark" I am now curious enough to investigate some of their other works like "Transmorphers" or "The Terminators". (I must be in dire need of medication.) As you'd expect from a movie made on a six-pack budget, "Mega Shark" is not exactly a feast for the eyes. The special effects are minimal (done mostly in cheap C.G.I.), and the title monsters tend to look like bathtub toys swimming around in dirty dishwater. The human cast isn't much more interesting, although former '80s teen queen Deborah (a.k.a. Debbie) Gibson seems to be having fun with her role as a crusading oceanographer who is pressed into government service (by perennial Direct To Video mainstay Lorenzo Lamas) to help rid the oceans of the two monstrous creatures. Teamed up with her former professor (played by an Irishman doing what appears to be a low-rent Sean Connery imitation) and a Japanese colleague (played by an Asian guy doing an equally low rent George Takei imitation), the three spout a near endless stream of unintentionally hilarious dialog (at least I hope it's unintentional) to pad out run time between the too-short scenes of monstrous mayhem. Mega Shark devours a hunk of the Golden Gate Bridge in addition to his airliner snack, whilst Giant Octopus destroys an offshore oil rig, then the pair team up to destroy a few battleships and submarines full of overacting extras before they turn on each other in what is supposed to be a Battle Royale but in reality takes up approximately two minutes of film. A romantic sub-plot between Debbie and Japanese Scientist Guy is jammed in out of nowhere, apparently so that Debbie has someone to snuggle up with on the beach at the end of the film. Needless to say, I laughed my way through the entire movie. Now that I think about it, The Asylum probably should've teamed with Toho Productions to make this film -- I can only imagine what the "Godzilla" special effects team could've done with this concept. Basically, if you're a lover of bad monster cinema, you need to see "Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus" at least once. Otherwise, you're better off sticking with watching the trailer over and over on YouTube. All the best parts of the movie are in it anyway.

As I am huge fan of Killer Animals movies, Spiders, Crocdie , Octopus, Ant, Birds, Dogs, Slugs/Worms, Frogs, you name it, I would like it

I was so looking forward to this movie since i saw trailer but this movie was HUGE let down for me

You will have to seat thought 75 minutes of really BAD acting, (The acting is so bad that it make want to turn the movie off ) for the first Fight scene and I am sure they use the same scenes over and over and over again in the Fight it self was unbeliever RUBBISH and even bigger let down the whole movie

However You do get to see the Octupus and Shark before the Fight scene at different times out of the water!

I would rather watch Octupus 2 (2000) again instead of this!

2/10

This is definitely the film to see drunk with a few mates. Yeah it's pretty lame but what the heck... it's also a lot of fun. Suspend all belief and go with the schlock. The effects are pretty woeful but that's what makes it fun. Unfortunately the editing of all the major action is done so quickly that you don't get a chance to revel in it's outrageousness. Just when the creatures do something really cool like bite the Golden Gate bridge the scene cuts to something else. I want more from my "millions of years trapped in ice giant monsters of the deep." You also get the feeling that all involved know exactly what a pile of B grade celluloid they're turning out. Two thing I've learnt however is next time i fly I'll be looking out for massive leaping sharks and never call an octopus a squid. Surprisingly Debbie Gibson is really good... not as an octopus but as an actor. I'm now a fan. I can't wait for the sequel. It rises...