- [Discussion about Zoe's upcoming documentary title]
- Sam: Meet the parents... first.
- Harry: Right. Erm, or erm...
- Sam: [interrupts] It's called meet the parents.
- Harry: I hope she's a pretty woman.
- Zoe Stevenson: Love, contractually.
- Cath Stevenson: They say it takes a village to raise a child, but what about the adults? I'd-I'd say it takes a village to sustain an adult.
- [explaining the desired traits for the bride to be]
- Aisha Khan: You know, a girl from the same background. Soft spoken. Long hair. Er, not too dark, wheatish complexion at the most.
- Mo the Matchmaker: Wheat? Beige?
- Kaz Khan: Did you bring your Pantone color chart?
- Kaz Khan: No photos?
- Mo the Matchmaker: No, no photos yet. Because think about it, if she's too fit, then you won't know if she's a good fit, okay. You're gonna see the picture, yeah... you're thinking with your lullu
- [points down]
- Mo the Matchmaker: , you need to be thinking with your nunnu
- [taps finger on his forehead]
- Mo the Matchmaker: .
- James: Zoe?
- Zoe Stevenson: Mmm.
- James: Can we talk?
- Zoe Stevenson: What? Nothing's good's ever come after those three words.
- Zoe Stevenson: Is there an express service?
- Fertility Doctor: Ooh, yeah, absolutely. Just come-in on your lunch break and then in your 60s, we defrost you a baby.
- Helena's daughter: You have to endure the rain if you want to see the rainbow. What does that mean?
- Zoe Stevenson: It means I'll have to toss a Viagra in his mouth when he's talking.
- Fertility Doctor: How much do you want to be a mother?
- Zoe Stevenson: Um well, I'd rather be a father.
- Fertility Doctor: Then you don't have to juggle everything.
- Kaz Khan: If the first person you date is a dick, you're unlucky. If the next ten people you date are dicks, then maybe you need to take a long look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why?
- Cath Stevenson: Have you got anymore profound psychological insights?
- Kaz Khan: I have a question. Does it hurt less if you aim low and miss?
- James: You're the dream. If I ever thought I'd end up with someone like you, I never would have been a tortured teenager.
- Zoe Stevenson: [grunts] You're either proposing to me or breaking up with me. I can't figure out which.
- Zoe Stevenson: It's love at first Skype.
- Kaz Khan: Well, obviously not, no. Love at first anything's a mental health issue.