- Lois Griffin: Is there a reason all the horses are named after cancelled Fox shows?
- Announcer: Kitchen Confidential is in the lead, followed by The Wedding Bells, followed by Happy Hour, followed by The War at Home, followed by Drive, followed by The Winner, followed by Life on a Stick, followed by The Loop, followed by Head Cases, followed by Standoff, followed by Vanished, followed by Free Ride, followed by Method and Red, followed by Tru Calling, followed by Quintuplets, followed by Stacked, followed by Justice, followed by North Shore, followed by Back to You. And bringing up in the rear, but somehow, still in the race, is 'Til Death!
- Lois Griffin: You named your horse 'Til Death?
- Peter Griffin: You know why? 'Cause I'm gonna take this horse and shove it down America's throat!
- Announcer: What's this? It looks like 'Til Death has taken a right turn and is heading into the stands!
- [crashing sound, gasps and screams are heard]
- Announcer: Dear, God! I could describe the horror I am witnessing, but it is so fathomably ugly and heartrending that I cannot bring myself to do so, although I do possess the necessary descriptive powers. Oh, well, at least the horse ran past the class of visiting deaf second graders. Oh, no! Dear, God! He's going back!
- [crashing sound and groans are heard]
- Announcer: Oh, I know you can't hear any screams, but I assure you, they are signing frantically just as fast their little fingers can shape the complicated phonemes necessary to convey dread and terror!
- Peter Griffin: Wait a sec! Hold the phone! He's going back towards the track! Fellas, this race ain't over, yet!
- [crashing sound and screams are heard]
- Woman: My baby's dead!
- Peter Griffin: It's over.
- [last lines]
- Meg Griffin: So, we're just like never gonna talk about this, again?
- Peter Griffin: That's right, sweetie.
- Lois Griffin: Well, I'm just happy to have your father home, again.
- Peter Griffin: Yeah, and thank God, everything's back to normal.
- [the horse crashes through a window and lands on the table]
- Mort Goldman: Take back your fucking horse!
- Lois Griffin: Peter, are you... gay?
- Peter Griffin: [in a high-pitched voice] Guiltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
- Stewie Griffin: [mumbles something inaudibly]
- Brian Griffin: What?
- Stewie Griffin: I said homosexuality is wrong.
- Brian Griffin: Are you... Are you being serious right now?
- Stewie Griffin: Just keep it in the bedroom, you know? I mean I'm not all in your face with my heterosexuality.
- Brian Griffin: Ah, no, you are not.
- Straight Camp Counselor: You're all here because you've made a choice to renounce your evil sinful ways and redeem yourselves in the eyes of your lord and saviour Jesus Christ who hates many people but none more than homosexuals.
- Peter Griffin: [after the horse pees on the carpet] You know what? I don't want that him to feel self-conscious. Everybody pee.
- Lois Griffin: Peter, we...
- Peter Griffin: Everybody pee... Now!
- Stewie Griffin: We are an unusual family.
- Meg Griffin: So Dad's gonna be gay forever?
- Lois Griffin: Possibly, Meg. We're all gonna have to get used to this and learn to accept your father for who he is.
- Stewie Griffin: Great plan, Lois. Hey, here's a nutty idea. Ever read the Bible? Leviticus 18:22.
- Brian Griffin: Stewie, you're judgmentally quoting Bible verses and you don't even know how to read.
- Stewie Griffin: Welcome to America, Brian.
- Chris Griffin: [while doing his homework] Darn it!
- Peter Griffin: [comes into Chris' room] Knock, knock. What's the problem, champ?
- Chris Griffin: Why is math so hard?
- Peter Griffin: You know, it doesn't have to be. One trick I used is turning things into a word problem. For example, if there are three glory holes in the bathroom at the club and 28 guys at the circuit party how many rotations of guys will it take before everybody's had a turn?
- Chris Griffin: I don't know.
- Peter Griffin: Nine with a remainder of Brent.
- Chris Griffin: Oh.
- Peter Griffin: [sings] Because Brent can't fit in the glory hole and that's why we all like Brent.
- [raspberries twice]
- Reporter: Mr. President, did you reach a missile pact?
- Ronald Reagan: Well, you could say that. There was a missile, and something definitely got packed.
- Brian Griffin: Stewie, you're judgementally quoting bible verses and you don't even know how to read.
- Stewie Griffin: Welcome to America, Brian.
- Cleveland Brown: [Cleveland falls into the front lawn in his bathtub] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!
- [the horse drinks the bath water]
- Cleveland Brown: Oh, that's got all my stink of the day in it. That's nasty.