St George's Day

Do you remember the good old days, when an Englishman's home was his castle? When you could leave your front door unlocked? Every other person down your street was a Pearly King? and every night was spent having a sing-song around the old Joanna at the rub-a- dub, before doing the Lambeth walk all the way home? Well the makers of this film do….Every character in this formulaic tosh is either a cheeky, chirpy, annoying Cock-ernee or is a hulking, growling Jason Statham-a-like who'll screw your head off your shoulders for looking sideways at his pint. St Georges day seems to be aimed at a typical 15- 22 year old lads mag audience and fair enough, but there isn't enough meat on the bones here for even the most easily pleased "Nuts" magazine reader. The sex isn't sexy enough, the comic bits aren't funny and you'll see better orchestrated violence in any town centre Kebab shop on a Saturday night. The plot is paper thin (The Russian Mafia …How very 80's….Missing Cocaine….How original "2 out of 10. See me at the end of class")

The acting is as wooden as a crate of light ale. And middle aged men ruminating on World war 2 and what being an Englishman is all about, still yearning for the good old days, just smacks of lazy writing & casual racism. At times this almost plays out as a recruiting film for the English Defence League. No doubt a few knuckle draggers will get something out of the casual violence, drug taking and football thuggery but everyone else please steer well clear of this load of old Pony*

* Cockney rhyming slang….Pony & Trap = CRAP

St. Georges Day is a debut effort written and directed by eloquent and softly spoken Shakespearean thespian Frank Harper, famous for his roles in The Football Factory and Lock. Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (Guy Ritchie, 2008), and let us not forget his scene stealing performance as the bank robber in Kevin and Perry Go Large (Ed Bye, 2000). I thoroughly enjoyed Dexter Fletcher's (who is, of course, briefly in this) directorial debut Wild Bill last year, so maybe this could be another enjoyable treat. He seems to have persuaded all his mates to be in it, the only ones missing are Danny Dyer and Tamer Hassan; maybe they were performing Hamlet at the Old Vic during filming? Well...

I will come back to term 'enjoyable' later if I may? First, a quick review:

It seems Frank Harper has certainly learnt a few things while starring in all these geezer films, in basically that he has cut and pasted all the clichéd plots from these and stuck them all together in what is an absolute narrative mess. This film received consistently horrific reviews, and I have to admit that they are all deserved. St. Georges Day is the most possibly generic and clichéd 'cockeney gangster' film you could imagine. Every cliché in terms of plot and characters is there to see in full clunky and embarrassing glory. I am not going to list them here, but anyone who watches this will be ticking them off in their head almost involuntarily. As for the dialogue, co-written by Frank himself, when there are lines such as "The Price is Right? This isn't the game show you c**t!" or "Two words: Angry Russians", it is basically Eastenders with swearing.

There is a also a very insular and quite racist approach to this film, such as the typical evil Russian gangsters and double crossing Dutch drug dealers. However, what becomes really embarrassing is Frank Harper's deluded sense of patriotism that comes out within the script, there are many occasions where he compares their drugs operation and how they are going to sort out the mess they created to strategies deployed by Churchill and the British armies in both of the world wars. This is both insulting and rather embarrassing to watch; as we have to remember that these men are criminals despite whatever 'moral code' they follow. There are many voice-over scenes, usually with Frank Harper looking pensive on some riverside where he tries to justify to us why he is essentially a criminal. He often mentions things like 'loyalty' and tells us that he never killed anyone that "didn't deserve it or would have done the same thing to him". No Frank, you are criminals, you are not the good guys. Even the police are portrayed as bad guys for simply doing their job; does Frank really think we are that stupid? Also, it is worth saying that Keeley Hazell stars in her debut film role and is shocking, though let us face it, she is not there for her acting is she? She also plays Mickey's girlfriend and there are many scenes where Frank Harper gets to kiss her. Hang on! Isn't Frank Harper writer, actor, director and producer? Indeed he is. Oh, Frank, you dirty old man! However, her character as 'Peckham Princess' (No, me neither) is beyond caricature, as with all the women here who are simply portrayed in a shamefully misogynistic way. However, this just adds to the list of generic narrow minded stereotyping like evil Russians, drugged up crazy Dutch people, angry Scottish people etc.

Now, I will return to the phrase 'enjoyable', and though I may well be contradicting what I have previously just said, but I must confess that I found St. Georges Day extremely enjoyable. This does come with a proviso though: If you take St. Georges Day with a pinch of salt, and when you see a cast list like that (maybe with the exception of Charles Dance – maybe a marketing ploy?) how on earth can you take this film seriously? I went into this film expecting ridiculous nonsense and was not disappointed; I must confess that it frequently made me laugh. It is obvious that Frank Harper thinks he is making the Citizen Kane of British gangster films. St. Georges Day takes itself so ridiculously seriously; this almost makes it even funnier to watch. You never laugh with it, but frequently at it and because of this I will confess that I actually really enjoyed it, though certainly not for any of the reasons dear old (now officially an auteur) Frank Harper would want.

In summary: Predictable, clichéd, crap. This is the definitive British gangster film in that every cliché and caricature is there to see, all put together by the chunkiest script imaginable. However, this may well be (unintentionally) one of the funniest British films of recent years.

It's a decent film I'd you like hooligans and Gangsters with a bit of patriotism thrown in then this is your kind of movie Cocaine sniffing hooligans and there sexy women

The acting ain't the best and the nightclub scene with was funny I've sceanr note atmosphere is an retirement home and London was like covid restrictions had happened already dead streets with the occasional police sirens....

St George's Day is directed by Frankie Harper, he also co-writes the screenplay with Urs Buehler and stars with Craig Fairbrass, Vincent Regan, Charles Dance, Dexter Fletcher, Nick Moran, Keeley Hazell, Jamie Foreman and Sean Pertwee. Music is by Tim Attack and cinematography is by Mike Southon.

Frankie Harper, one of the most liked and recognisable faces from the slew of British gangster and football hooligan films, turns his hand to try and make his own mark in what is becoming a bulging genre of Brit film. The kicker here is that he blends the two popular lad staples together by having a plot involving gangsters using a football rumble as cover for a robbery. In Berlin, Germany, no less and St George's Day as well! Cor blimey!

Plot is kind of incidental, which is just as well since it's not exactly a brains trust script. Film is filled out with the requisite amount of shouting, swearing, fighting, shooting, thieving, jingoism, sloganeering and lairy witticisms. Harper has surrounded himself with pals, clearly offering up reassuring presences to the budding director, while it's fun for fans of this splinter of Brit cinema to play spot the face. It's all very blokey and enjoyable enough for the undemanding, but the good idea on the page is not born out as the narrative often gasps for fresh air, the attempts at complexity ending up mundane.

The cinematography is a highlight, with the number of Euro locations used giving good visual tonics. Cast perform adequately as per the material, though Moran, Fletcher, Dance and Pertwee are under used and therefore wasted. There's enough in here to suggest Harper could offer something of value as a director, but maybe a little less crass for crass sake should be jettisoned in favour of some intelligence in the writing. Dexter Fletcher's debut outing as a director, Wild Bill, is a good marker, Frankie would do well to follow his mate's lead. 6/10

It took me a while to finally watch this, as I foolishly judged the film by it's IDMB rating (a habit I need to squash, as they've been highly inaccurate in the last year or so).

This film is exactly what you'd expect from the 'British gangster movie' club - The usual suspects, playing their usual parts, with a mix of action, violence, and tough men in nice suits, embroiled in turf wars with foreign mobsters, caught up in the standard situations that you've seen in these kind of films before.

If you're a fan of the genre, and British crime pieces, then I doubt you'll be disappointed, as the acting is up to scratch, it looks polished, and it is leagues ahead of many other cheap efforts from unknown British directors. Frank Harper has been in enough films over the years, some high budget, and others low, that's it not surprising that he is now venturing into the production and directing aspect of the business.

The pace of the film was fine, the characters were easy to accept and follow, there was a fair bit of drama, and it definitely wasn't as 'vulgar' as some are making out, as I've seen far worse, in regards to the over use of swearing, and unnecessary violence.

This is no 'Goodfellas' or 'The Godfather' but who would be expecting that kind of level from this film anyway?

It does what it said on the tin - Solid film, and good casual viewing.

I wrote this review to put some perspective on here, as the 4.5 rating is completely off the mark, and due to the low amount of submissions, it's probably some kind of 'politics'.

Final thought - IMDb ratings are not always justified, and one should probably make up their own mind, rather than rely on them, like I've done in the past. You'll miss out on good films if you do.

7/10