Meteor Moon

The cabin door on the super-secret spaceplane is a hollow core plywood number like you'd find at your uncle the unemployed alcoholic's homeless shelter day room. The AI computer on the super-secret spaceplane pronounces nuclear "nu-q-ler." Rotting clams in August heat don't smell as bad as this. I dunno...maybe everyone was blackmailed into making this Rwandan sewer tour. Xanax...need xanax.

I didn't find this film plausible as everyone knows the moon is hollow and the aliens on the dark side of the moon would simply laser any incoming meteorites to ensure the study of planet earth was not disrupted.

The very moment that I saw the logo from The Asylum, I must admit that my expectations for the 2020 movie titled "Meteor Moon" went from being small to becoming none. Yeah, The Asylum aren't exactly known for making stellar movies. Sure, once in a blue moon they put out a movie that is actually worth the time and effort, but "Meteor Moon" wasn't one such movie.

I must admit that I was lured in by the movie's cover/poster and also because it had Dominique Swain on the cast list. But "Meteor Moon" definitely puts some truth into the saying "don't judge a book by its cover".

The storyline in "Meteor Moon", or what was supposed to resemble a storyline, was just utter rubbish. The majority of the things transpiring on the screen seemed like something that director Brian Nowak just made up as filming of the movie progressed. It is hard to imagine what writer Joe Roche was trying to accomplish with the script and storyline here in this movie, because very little made coherent sense and the movie was filled with massive plot holes and so many of the things happening just made little sense.

The special effects in the movie weren't all that bad. Sure, this wasn't up to par with the multi-million dollar Hollywood CGI blockbusters, but the special effects in "Meteor Moon" were actually fair enough, for a movie from The Asylum. So that at least works in favor of the movie.

Now, as for the acting. Well, let's just not venture down that path, shall we? I mean, I sat down to watch "Meteor Moon" partly because of it having Dominique Swain on the cast list, but her performance in this movie was just laughable.

For a natural disaster movie, "Meteor Moon" was bad. It was really, really bad. Trust me on this one. If you enjoy natural disaster movies, don't waste your money, time or effort on this one; some of us did so you don't have to.

My rating of "Meteor Moon" settles on a generous two out of ten stars. The movie's cover/poster was actually the best thing about the entire experience.

Let me say that in general, I LOVE Asylum movies. Yes, I'm the one. Guilty. So when I browsed for movies and saw who made this, I was thrilled to find one of their movies that I had not seen. I was painfully naive.

The acting, especially two of the women, was so overdone it was insane. Who told that one woman to open her mouth as wide as possible with every syllable? Annoying Orange's mouth was smaller. And he was infinitely more watchable.

Once I realized how hopeless it was to expect this movie to be "so bad it's good", I spent the rest of the movie with my mouth hanging open, and my hand over it, unable to comprehend what I was seeing.

There is no way to even begin to describe how abysmal this waste of film was. The last 15 minutes....well, I won't spoil it for you hardy souls who dare to attempt to watch this movie to the end. I probably couldn't put it into words anyway.

I gave it one star, because my daughter thought it was GREAT. She talked to the screen, yelled and cheered. I was much more amused watching her than watching anything on the screen.

For the love of all that's holy, avoid this movie.

I've seen a lot of bad stuff in my life, enjoying the little gems I occasionally find in the mud, but this one was uniformly awful. Don't watch it.