Tortugas ninja

Micheal Bay produced the TMNT franchise with updated CGI and a more Transformers like action sequences with a heavy dose of cheesiness.

Reporter April O'Neil (Megan Fox) discovers the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were her childhood pets that had been injected with a mutagent by a corporation run by her late father and his partner Eric Sacks (William Fichtner.) Her cameraman Vern Fenwick (Will Arnett) tries to help her out while everyone thinks she is crazy about her rantings of vigilante turtles. Meanwhile a criminal gang led by Shredder plan to unleash a virus throughout the city.

The film is entertaining for kids and is undemanding fun. There are explosions, dramatic and over the top action sequences, plenty of quips, a comedy sidekick in Will Arnett. The film avoids the flabbiness that marred the Transformer sequels and like a McDonalds cheeseburger, it fills you up in the short term and would soon be quickly forgotten. Still nothing wrong with a bit of mindless diet of junk every now and then.

I was never a big fan of TMNT, but the concept was always a unique one. Instead of the far east style of mutual cold looks and "Yaaa!" yells, while the tough good guy fights a cruel enemy, you get these "karate kids" who are in fact mutants and they fight the almost super-human villain.

You get the tension of they having to hide in the sewers as they are still being feared by us - regular people - and the realization that as much as we admire them we also want them on the research table. Add to that the character of April - a journalist who finds herself in triangle of conflict (up yours Louise Lane!): a journalist who uncovers secrets, the confident of the turtles and (in a way) the role of the mother, who would rush to danger to help them and protect them.

This could be a great platform for a good deep movie heavily spiced with great ninja action. But instead what did we get...

1) An absurdly idiotic storyline which kinda gives you the feeling that the story writing was revolving around the already shot action scenes.

2) Action sequences which appear to be copy paste from transformers and only replaced by turtles (I don't count shredder as he always looked like a robot).

3) The role of April is basically something I would put in "Little Pony", which is reduced to nothing more then a brain dead, incoherent (she's a goddamn reporter for crying out loud!) and basically doesn't contribute anything to the good cause.

On the plus side:

1) It was nice that they emphasized the uniqueness of each turtle beyond the color of the head band. Their entire gear is crafted to their different personalities.

2) In the past movies or TV series they were always turtles fighting in human style, in here for the first time they make use of their physical turtle attributes.

Bottomline, this movie could have been so much better, and it feels like it was a wasted opportunity. a reboot I might watch, but if there is a number 2 on the way, then yeah...I'm not giving it another 2 hours of my life.

I had very low expectations and nothing else to watch in the plane, so I found it more entertaining than I thought it would be. But if you have better things to do or watch, by all means skip this one.

There's hardly a kid born from the 80s who has never heard of this totally bodacious group of walking, talking, pizza-eating, street-fighting reptiles. It has always been a goofy saga, but it was also hip, action-packed, and colorful. Can the same be said about the latest adaptation?

On the surface level, 2014's TMNT at least looks the part. It's a fairly breezy film that never takes itself seriously, packing on generous heapings of goofy comedy, stylish action scenes, and loads of special effects. The first half of the film takes its time to follow April O'Neil around, who inevitably uncovers the secret of the turtles' existence, and the outlandish Foot Clan plot to take over New York City. The last half of the film is pretty much all-out fighting and action, which includes a fight in the sewers, a lengthy chase scene down the slopes of a mountain, and a final showdown on top of a skyscraper. Thus, I found the last half of the film the most engaging.

It's still not without its problems though. Despite the light-hearted tone and all the jokes, very little of it made me laugh outright. The humor is quite low-brow and doofy. Action scenes will be a hit and a miss; fight scenes in the film's first half are horribly shot and edited (on purpose nonetheless). Later scenes are still hectic, but are at least watchable and fairly fun. Scenes in between try their best to keep things rolling fast and without becoming droll, but without any major emotional investment, these scenes tend to drag a bit.

Beyond the surface-level comedy and action, there's not much else to this film. The plot is pretty much a mash-up of typical TMNT fare and 2007's Transformers (also an adaptation of an 80s cartoon where human characters discover some weird life form and gets caught in the middle of a war nobody knew existed; both starring Megan Fox nonetheless). What plot the movie has is riddled with plot holes, and scenes that are simply way too unbelievable (maybe not a valid complaint for TMNT, but with the way the film tries to look believable, the film shoots its own creditability in the foot). The turtle characters are fun to watch, usually, and Splinter is one cool rat. They aren't terribly deep characters, but they are colorful, and there is just enough background to them to keep them from being total caricatures. Other characters aren't as good: April O'Neil is almost annoying as she obsesses over the turtles and shouts her findings at everybody she runs across. Her sidekick is a dork. Shredder is extremely flat, lifeless, and lacking in presence, serving little more than an excuse to have a boss fight at the end of the movie. The film draws some connections between all the characters to give their interactions more backing, but it only strains the creditability of the plot even further.

The film's photography looks good sometimes and terrible at other times. Editing is choppy. Acting is pretty lackluster from the whole crowd; Megan Fox is far from endearing despite her looks, the voice acting can be a hit or a miss, and other actors don't really take their roles seriously, for better or for worse. Writing is pretty daft. This production uses okay-looking sets, props, and costumes. Locales are pretty small-scale most of the time. Special effects vary from good to bad. Music is okay (I got to admit that I found the end credits song catchy).

This incarnation of the Turtles definitely has its flaws, but it tries to be a fun picture, and it is at least partway successful. Not everybody will be quite as easily charmed as I am, so I'm compelled to recommend approaching this movie with caution.

3/5 (Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Marginal | Film: Marginal)

Folks, it's no exaggeration when I say this one is bad. And I'm not just reviewing it as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. The Ninja Turtles are a lore. Every telling of the story deserves its own version, like Dracula, Sherlock Holmes, or Batman. Adam West, Michael Keaton, Christian Bale, and Ben Affleck all play different versions of Batman in different universes. Though I have a version of the Turtles I like best, I can set aside that prejudice for this review. It's just a very awful film. It's so bad, I don't understand how the current rating stands at 6 stars.

The movie has no real sense of identity, like the filmmakers really had no idea what to do with it. Where are the Turtles going to go? What are they going to do when they get there? Is it going to be spring time or winter? Should it be in the city or in the mountains? Low to the ground in dark settings or high up on roof tops in broad daylight? Are the Turtles stealthy ninjas or mini-Hulks that just needlessly destroy stuff? And are they main characters or secondary plot pieces? Is April O'Neil tech savvy, or does she still conduct interviews with pen and paper? (Through the first half-hour, perhaps even by the end of the film, you'll have a tough time convincing yourself the title shouldn't have been "April O'Neil: The Movie.")

It's very evident that the writers did not know how to work with "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." Again, this has nothing to do with a faithfulness to any kind of version of TMNT. Just, really, they had no clue how to make those four elements work. They're not so much teenagers as they are just dumb. The movie lets the Turtles aspect be self-implied. The Mutants part as well, though it does play loosely into the plot (heh, just kidding, there is no plot). The idea of ninjutsu, though, is a complete afterthought. Seriously, it's just sandwiched in there somewhere and plays no relevance to the story whatsoever, nor has an identifying presence for any character, even Splinter or Shredder.

Yeah, Shredder. That's a whole other useless incorporation. The guy is somewhere between a clunky Power Ranger villain (the ones in great big suits that don't move very well) and Bane from "Batman and Robin." He doesn't even fill the main villain role. That "honor" would go to William Fichtner's character, Eric sounds-like-sex Sacks. Shredder's just a tool. His appearance, fighting-style, and overall awkwardness are all loud, awful reminders of how the filmmakers knew nothing about ninjutsu or how to use it. "You know what? Just make 'em fight with ninja weapons, put lots and lots of blades around, and be sure the word 'Japan' gets into someone's origin story somewhere. Close enough."

Yes, the Turtles are kind of funny, but it's completely incidental. There were times when the movie tried to force something humorous, but in the theater I was in, no one laughed. And I was in a packed house. Their personalities are nothing but typecasting: Leo is the serious control-freak, Raphael the brooding B.A., Michelangelo is a goof-ball, and Donatello is the inventive... nerd! Yeah, nerds are inventive, right? Let's make him a snorting, glasses-wearing dork! You know what, just make him Simon from Alvin and the Chipmunks. You never feel like you get to be a part of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They're just kind of there. The viewer is more watching from April or Vern's vantage point, never fully involved in the brotherhood.

There's a whole lot more stupid that goes on for the sake of convenience: like Donatello's bo able to flip over an SUV, or the fact that an iron construction beam can't support the weight of Leo and Donnie, but Raph who comes to their rescue can (what, are they as heavy as semi-trucks?). Watch out for the abundance of product-placement. This is a Michael Bay produced film, remember. At one point, Splinter pretty much monologues a Pizza Hut ad.

In closing, I want to leave you with this, because until we get this, these horrible, ridiculous movies will continue to get made. In an interview with an MTV whoever, TMNT producer Michael Bay said that he doesn't care if people think his movies are bad. Speaking specifically about the latest Transformers installation, "They love to hate, and I don't care. Let them hate. They're still going to see the movie!"

This movie is a poo-pile of a film. I'm intentionally avoiding the usual puns like "it was a shell-acking" or "I left the theater shell-shocked" because, again, my affinity for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has nothing to do with how bad this movie is. As long as we keep paying to see what we know is going to be a bad movie, they'll keep getting made. And it doesn't matter that they're bad, because we'll pay for it no matter how bad it is.

Or maybe these movies keep getting manufactured because there is actually a niche of people who like them. After all, it has a rating of 6 out of 10 stars...