The Telling

I did not have very high hopes for this film. A horror movie from the Playboy mansion? I think most people probably suspect that Playboy bunnies do not make great actresses, and indeed they do not. They are great at posing and pouting, but pretending to laugh, is sadly beyond their reach (though this might be due to having been pawed at by a 127 year old Hugh Hefner, as that would stop most people from even cracking a smile).

So if you disregard the acting, which ranges from poor to abysmal, you will have heard the stories again and again since childhood. In fact, most Halloween specials have told these stories, and often told them better. So here goes: To gain membership in a Sorority populated by plastic women in their late 20ies and early (?) 30ies (who, at least at one point, are amusingly Borg-like), three pledges must tell a scary story each. Seem familiar yet?

The first story involves an evil doll, the second a creepy castle in Transsylvania and in the third, three babysitters (ok, they're not actually babysitters, but they might as well be to make the cliché complete) get creepy phone calls.

This is far from the worst film I've seen (that honour still belongs to Unearthed), and sadly, it is not so-bad-it's-good either. Overall, I think it deserves a 3/10, because it did manage to hold my attention till the end and because it did give me a chuckle or two. However, it must be said, it is not even remotely scary. Nor is it sexy. Apparently, there is 1 blink-and-you'll-miss-it topless scene, but I blinked, so I missed it.

What a waste of time this so called Horror/Thriller/Mystery was. The film is about some Mean Girls sorority sisters inviting some potential new innocent and shy pledges to each tell the stuck up holier than thou sorority sisters their scariest story. Of course the new pledges were also expected to bring gifts to the stuck up sorority sisters to influence them to invite them in to their stuck up sorority.

As each new pledge got their chance to tell the sorority sisters about their individual scariest encounter and as their scary story was re-enacted we the viewers were left wondering what the heck is their point?

There were three (3) pledges who each told their supposedly scariest story and as hard as I tried I found myself wandering off to my fridge and/or to search IMDb for something else to watch because this film had no redeeming value or interest.

I give the film a very poorly rated 2 out of 10 IMDb rating. I cannot recommend anyone waste their time watching this amateurish so called Horror/Thriller/Mystery film.

In this horror anthology film, three girls pledge the most popular -- and cruelest -- sorority on campus. For their final task, they must tell the scariest story they know. Containing three distinct stories -- one featuring a murderous doll, one a has-been actress and her run in with a film crew of the undead and, finally, a hunt-and-kill fright-fest.

There is really nothing to say about this one. I do not know the history, but based on what I was able to determine, this was more or less an excuse to get Playboy models to appear in a movie. And, you know, I guess if that is all they wanted to do, it worked.

Now, if they wanted to be in a good movie, they failed. We have a very poor version of the Twilight Zone's "Living Doll" episode. There is a decent second segment but it is pulled off terribly. And after that... well, ugh.

Maybe the horror has to take a second seat to hot babes. In fact, the greatest horror is what we didn't see during the first episode of this anthology.

This film was shot at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles, and stars Holly Madison ("The Girls Next Door", "Dancing With The Stars"); Nicole Zeoli, Christina Iannuzzi, and Ashley Noel (all also in "The Girls Next Door"); and Sara Jean Underwood (Playmate of the Year 2007).

The second episode was a little better, featuring the undead. The last was routine, but it set up the ending.

Any horror buff will guess what happens next, but it was still good.

I once had a plumbing contractor who was in a band on the side and wanted to play at my wedding. It didn't work out for reasons I don't remember, but it was possible his band was really good. Still, this had NOTHING to do with his skills as a plumber. I'd say the same thing about Playboy Playmates who want to be actresses. Some of them are very good at it (two of my favorite 70's exploitation actresses were ex-Playmates-of-the-Year Claudia Jennings and Victoria Vetri). But there is NO connection between having a nice body (and being willing to show it off) and genuine acting talent--as the entire cast of this movie (pretty much all Playboy Playmates) amply demonstrates.

If this portmanteau horror movie DID NOT have an entire cast of ridiculously hot "actresses" (all culled from the pages of Playboy), it frankly wouldn't have been made at all because it's shot on video and has three incredibly lame stories and an incredibly lame frame story where sexy sorority pledges are telling "scary" stories to their sexy older sorority sisters. Strangely, there's very little nudity in this, but that wouldn't matter if the movie was any damn good at all. What's really annoying is the gratuitous NON-nudity--i.e. a sex scene, a bathtub scene, a shower scene that are all completely irrelevant to the plot, but still show nary a nipple! It's like these girls think NOT taking their clothes off, but relentlessly teasing the male audience is going to somehow make them respectable or talented actresses.

It's kind of like if my plumber had played at my wedding, and not only was his band very bad, but he then refused to finish the plumbing job (what he obviously does best), so I'd somehow take him seriously as a musician. No offense, but ridiculously hot Playboy Playmates generally need to stick to Playboy pictorials (or at least softcore porn films where the acting just doesn't matter) and leave the horror films to people who know what they're doing.