London Fields

The ingredients: (1) A very bored chain smoking Billy Bob Thornton without yellow fingers. (2) The femme fatale who is consumed by all things sexual like a female cat on heat. She doesn't work, prepare food or go shopping but instead prances around all day in her underwear in her flat in case male visitors arrive. She has also been living in the neighbourhood for a year but the boys never noticed before. How come? (3) The posh gentlemen who prefers to hang around in sleazy underground bars all by himself where he has no friends and doesn't fit in. (4) The dart player scumbag who squints his eyes and pulls faces every time he speaks as if someone emptied a bottle of lemon juice in his eyes. (5) The kid in a dinosaur suit who behaves like a total gremlin and has to be stopped physically or he will eat the furniture. Where can it go to from here? Only downwards, and we didn't even get to see her boobs.

One of the worst movies I've ever watched. Amber Heard plays a woman who has foreseen her own murder and spends the rest of the film trying to work out who her killer will be, apparently by ... shall we say "sleeping with" .... all the possible suspects.

I am writing this while half way through it and I already want to kill her myself. She sashays and vamps around valiantly, but cannot pull off the film noir vibe. Heaven only knows what Jim Sturgess thought he was doing. I would like to say he chews up the scenery, but I doubt his crack-head yellowed teeth would be up to the job. Billy Bob Thornton is, well, Billy Bob Thornton, only sleepier than usual. The only high spots are the few appearances by Johnny Depp as a cheerfully villainous Cockney gangster, but he is uncredited in the final product. One can only presume he did not want to be associated with this abomination.

Pretentious, badly acted, boring tosh. Total waste of a good book and almost two hours of my life! Awful. Absolutely awful.

I'm not sure if Jim Sturgess was encouraged to play the insanely over the top cockney geezer, or it's simply how he did it

I give it three stars, simply because the opening was brilliant, two minutes of stylish, elegant, engaging cinematography, those sequences were the best part of the film. Some scenes looked nice. However...

As soon as Keith arrives, the film becomes unwatchable. The plot vanishes, the story telling is nothing short of a fiasco, it really does become a self absorbed mess, I applaud you if you see it all the way through.

Theo James by contrast is very good, he's a fine actor, but the damage had been done beyond belief by the time he arrives.

Didn't enjoy it, 3/10.

This film tells the story of a writer who gets inspired by her neighbour of his flat swap.

Seriously, this film is so sexually charged that it gets me uncomfortable. It basically is the vehicle to objectify Amber Heard, thereby fulfilling someone's perverted sexual fantasy. It tries a bit of noir, but it does not succeed. Instead, it is less than engaging and does not offer suspense or mystery as intended.

Apparently the lead actress was a looker ten years ago and this made up for a complete absence of acting talent. she is not a looker unless one means her own blank stare, and she just destroys the film with unbelievably bad acting.

FYI for the one person who posted four reviews under different names saying "get the directors cut" -- all of us giving this one or two stars did see the directors cut. It IS the directors cut streaming. It is just as bad only more nonsense. More garbage does not make the garbage better.