Meteor

This is teeth-numbingly, mind-bendingly, I'd-rather-do-a-gym-workout while sitting-on-a-cheese-grater-all-day than-continue-watching-this-after-20-minutes bad. Don't get me wrong - I LIKE bad TV... But this is only about the 5th show, of I'll-guess-at-40,000 TV shows I've seen in my lifetime, that I've HAD TO turn off mid-way through, it's THAT awful. There's no acting, no storyline, no character development - just knee-jerk reactions of the cast to the script, apparently written on the back of an envelope while the writer was watching all the other meteor movies he could rent for ideas, squeezed into a half-price video store rental weekend. A BIG, BIG waste of time.

What can you say positive about this movie. Absolutely nothing. Trying to shoot down meteor's with hand-held SAM (Surface to Air Missile) is ludicrous. Stingers only travel at Mach 2.2 about 2,000 miles and hour and meteors travel at over 4,000 miles per hour. You would only get about 3 seconds to see the meteor, for the missile to acquire the target, and fire, and that would only apply if the meteor was flying directly at you. This is just one of many factual errors in the movie. The town sheriff Stacey Keach has seen better days. Several times one of the towns low-life's threaten Stacey but he chooses to ignore the guy. Even when this low-life threatens him with a gun. Just one of the many ludicrous plot twists in this horrible movie. Like another poster has said if you were on drugs this movie might be a little interesting but you would be better off sleeping through it.

According to the "Full cast and crew" list, the "writer" is known primarily for "writing" the scripts for "WWF Smackdown" or whatever one calls that fake wrestling crap. It shows--absolutely no subtlety or depth, nothing original, cardboard characters, standard disaster-movie format (various soap-operas wrapped around a catastrophe), minimal science and generally speaking, nothing worth recommending. I'd give it one star, but some of the special effects were tolerable. Barely. So if you're bored--and boy, you'd have to be REALLY bored--go ahead and watch it. Drugs and booze might help, but you'd have to do dangerous levels to even come close to enjoying this gobbler...and then, you'd probably just fall asleep. Which might be best.

Strictly for laughs, but it entertains so well on that basis. It's yet another rampaging rock from the cosmos, ready to blast us all.

A hodge-podge of "intertwining" human interest soap opera subplots parade by as the meteor inexorably wends its way towards the 3rd rock from the sun: 1) the physicist who's doing a Perils of Pauline impression. She's the key to survival or destruction, as she races the meteor to her goal. She's in and out of every life-or-death situation you can imagine, mostly contrived clichés that are so routine after a while they become ridiculous.

2) Army guys and scientists argue about how to use nukes. No comment necessary on this item; just have a good laugh. 3) There's a good cop and a bad cop running around trying to croak each other. It has absolutely nothing to do with the rogue meteor plot, and you keep wondering if this pointless side line will ever be tied in to what's going on.

Conveniently, there's always a dropped cell phone call. This happens so much you'll expect that cell-phone salesman guy with the horn rimmed glasses and 500 friends behind him to pop up out of the bushes. Nobody buys gas any more apparently, so every car in the movie runs out of gas in important situations (look for the character who notes the empty tank and then looks under the hood for some odd reason). Beware of meteor shards that zoom into nearby impact at just the right moment to drive the plot along. Scientific inaccuracies, as expected, are numerous.

At least it's as free as it is brainless. Plenty of fun, too.

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