- Batman: Hi.
- Enchanted Princess: Hi!
- Batman: I'm Batman.
- Enchanted Princess: [deep voice] I'm Enchanted Princess!
- [upon seeing a taxi cab turn a corner]
- Enchanted Princess: And what magical creature are you?
- [gets hit by the taxi]
- Calvin: Man, you messed shit up with Amy. You're lucky a girl like that would even talk to you. She's hot, sexy. She got a job. Man, that girl out of your league.
- Will: She's not out of my league.
- Calvin: Shit, she gotta put up with your stank breath. Not to mention your abnormally high plumber's crack.
- Juney: Let me guess, an evil witch banished you from your fairy tale kingdom.
- Enchanted Princess: No, my silly, pasty, quirky teen. Actually, I'm just a demented homeless chick who lives in the sewers.
- Will: How'd you end up there?
- Enchanted Princess: Drugs. Lots and lots snd lots of mind-altering, enchanting, DRUGS!
- Emergency Broadcaster: We are now getting reports that asteroids are falling out of the sky, and... and a Pinkberry has just been destroyed!
- [the previously-calm party suddenly erupts into chaos]
- Enchanted Princess: [singing] My dear prince, you have rescued me you have caught me in your arms...
- Calvin: [singing] Actually you landed on my balls!
- [Will dreams he is a Jumper. He jumps and is impaled by Prince Caspian's sword]
- Prince Caspian: It's the guy who ruined Star Wars.
- Wolf: [after knocking out Will in Will's dream] AROOOOOH! You just got WOLFED!
- [Will looks confused]
- Wolf: That is my official trademark catchphrase that I got from the web! Let me tell you, there's still a lot of stuff to do out there. Lot of loops you gotta jump through. You gotta go on the INTERNET! You gotta go to some stupid ass website where you can register your catchphrase. I wanted BAM, but Emeril already took it.
- Male Carrie: Oh, my God. Hannah Montana is really Miley Cyrus.
- Enchanted Princess: Well, duh. No shit, Sherlock. All I do is wear a wig and change my voice a little bit and those dumb kids can't tell the difference. Then I get twice the pay and twice the merchandise. Just a reminder, my new CD comes out. Miley Cyrus: Underage. it's available in stores now. Featuring songs from my dad, Billy Ray. Only 9.95.
- Male Carrie: [thinking] And so I thought: Could a simple New York City gal like me really beat the shit out of a pregnant teenager? I wonder.
- Juney: Like Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV, I must break you.
- Enchanted Princess: [Upon turning and her puffy sleeve catching her face]
- [screams]
- Enchanted Princess: Oh it's just my sleeve.
- [Lightly laughs]
- Enchanted Princess: [Upon turning into her other sleeve]
- [screams]
- Enchanted Princess: Oh there must be a mirror some where.
- Will: [singing] I'm fucking Matt Damon.
- Amy: You're fucking Matt Damon?
- [singing]
- Amy: Well I'm fucking Hannah Montana!
- Hannah Montana: [singing] She's fucking Hannah Montana! Backstage, at my concert, fucks me on my parents' bed! After school, at my locker, in the car I give her head! I'm also fucking the Flava!
- Flava-Flav Look-A-Like: [singing] Yeah, it's Flava-Flav, foo'! You know what time it is, 'cause I'm fucking Juney too!
- Juney: [singing] Yeah, I know, but it's true: Flava-Flav, he fucks me too.
- Michael Cera Look-A-Like: [singing] And I swap with Calvin, and he swaps with that dude.
- All: And we're all fucking Hellboy!
- Kung Fu Panda: [to Calvin] Your girl looks familiar, man. Last year, I paid her twenty bucks for twenty minutes. If you know what I mean.
- Enchanted Princess: It's true. And a curious factoid: pandas actually have three descending testicles.