Crank 2: alto voltaje

This is without a doubt one of the most insane films I have ever seen. I loved the first film and have been looking forward to the sequel. This one blows the mad-o-meter off the chart. I read on here somewhere Jason Statham was quoted saying something like…. "You ain't ever gonna get an Academy Award for doing Crank" Well I beg to differ; I think an award category should be created for making a film like this. It has similarities to the first film of course but that's what makes this film so enjoyable. Jason is superb as Chev Chelios again and had me laughing my ass off with his cockney slang and his superb stunts. One thing I will say, I took my wife with me to see this and all the way through the film she had that "Could this get anymore ridiculous" look on her face. Meanwhile I couldn't stop laughing at the fact that the more outrageous this film got, the more I found myself loving it. You know when they say "A roller-coaster ride of a movie". Well on this roller-coaster ride you ain't strapped into your seat, it has dozens of loops and it's faster than anything you have ridden in your life. You need to see this film. In fact scrub that, I will say this…Crank 2 falls into the "Things to do before you die" category. Go and see this now.

Let me start off by defending my rating of this title. Really it's hard for me to rate a movie like this, it is directed right at me and my type of people. I can't help it that I like a movie like this, it's just the way it is.

Really this movie is a grind house movie in an era where grind house movies don't exist. It has everything that is unacceptable as entertainment in other movies...and yet you can't stop watching. It's for the most part, balls to the walls, insanity. It doesn't make sense. The reason I don't' mind...is that it's not trying to. It knows it's stupid and crazy. And it loves it. It's not trying to impress you. This is a movie that really took control of itself. Typically you'll have a movie with an a-b formula...this is a a-z formula with complete insanity and randomness filling in the interval. You know where the movie is going as soon as you start watching it, it's the ride that excites and keeps you watching.

In short, this movie has violence, action, nudity, homosexuality, disabilities, public indecency and racism. And I have to admit, I liked it.

The one problem I had with this movie is it started so crazy and hilarious that it kind of peaked in the middle. It was just so much that the rest didn't surprise you anymore. I still found it very enjoyable though, and would definitely add it to my collection.

Also I know this review sucks, but this movie is hard to give a serious review to. If you like movies that play out like a GTA video game mixed with a violent Japanese film...then watch it. Just have fun with it.

Crank 2: High Voltage practically begs to be passionately loathed by absolutely everyone, with the notable exception of antisocial teenage boys. Its rank, nihilistic tone is relentless and exhausting. The misogyny is benchmark horrendous. The acts of violence are brutal, frequent and often blatantly homoerotic. Its flippant. Its homophobic. Its vulgar. And it feels as much seething contempt for its own narrative coherence as it does for its few prominent female characters.

But there is something bracingly brilliant about it. Films this fearlessly unhinged simply do not get made any more, and thirty years ago this would've played, late at night, to packed houses for years on end, perhaps aptly bundled with the likes of John Water's Pink Flamingoes.

One fact that was suggested by the first Crank is set heroically in stone barely five minutes into its sequel - that directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor appear to be completely obsessed with pornography. There is a truly jaw-dropping amount of flesh on constant display, and the film's only female speaking parts belong to a prostitute and a stripper. This lends the film an air of uncomfortable, almost lavatorial sleaziness, until a bunch of actual porn stars turn up in the middle of a scene, starring as a bunch of disgruntled porn stars striking for better pay. Although it hardly passes as satire, it does seem like a sly dig in the direction of the producers that populate the Hollywood mainstream, who'd surely relish the opportunity to make films like this if only the bastard machine would let them. Balls-out exploitation it may be, but if any film lives up to cinema's ancient adage of providing its audience with relentless sex and violence, its this one.

The second half of the film is where it really flies, and chooses to disregard not only its own plot, but any care for the patience or expectations of its audience. It goes, essentially, mad. And for something that was clearly deranged in the first place, it'd be foolish for me not to offer up the only advice that will enable you to see exactly what I mean.

Go and see it.

Quite possibly the silliest movie ever made. I'm pretty sure these guys set out to make the ultimate mindless action flick and they succeeded brilliantly IMO. I've never seen anything like it before. IMDb claims the budget was $20M, although that seems like quite a stretch. But there is about $1B worth of craziness in it. The makers didn't hold anything back - no restraint whatsoever and it's amazing. Anyone looking to be offended will be. Guaranteed. I've heard of people walking out of movies but this is the first time I ever saw it happen. I wonder if they asked for their $$$ back. I'm pretty sure the theaters are covered from giving refunds; there's fine print on the tix or something.

Anyway, the opening credits are in video game form, which I now realize was a signal. Viewers need to forget reality, not just suspend disbelief in that routine movie kind of way. These guys throw everything they can think of up on the screen and I kept wondering what drugs they were using during filming. Maybe all of them. Also, there's something to irritate everybody. I really mean that; I don't think any insult or stereotype or slur was left out. Nothing offensive was held back that I could notice, although I've led a sheltered life.

Now here's the switch: it's hilarious and I mean laugh-out-loud funny from start to finish. I saw scenes I never saw before or ever expected to see. It starts out so unbelievably crazy that it's actually shocking (sorry) and then just keeps it up and keeps it going for the entire flick. Dark Chocolate's elaborate eye-roll sequence is one for the ages and is worth the price of admission all by itself.

Here's how funny it is: SpikeTV showed it and of course had to make countless cuts: not just the copious female nudity but the language and graphic violence and so on. Anyway, with all that gone it was still incredibly funny and astounding and just totally insane. The ending was a set-up for a sequel, same way the first "Crank" was, but I honestly don't see how they can top this one. Maybe I'm wrong; I sure hope so but it seems to me that they deliberately made it as wild as possible and didn't hold anything back.

One last word: it's not for everyone. I promise you'll either absolutely love it or thoroughly despise it. There will be no in-between for this one.

Chev Chelios was dead, but he got better.

Jason Statham returns as the lead in "Crank: High Voltage", and in every way this sequel breaks the rules and pushes the bar to insane new levels, sometimes even a bit too far.

Three months after his "helicopter incident", Chelios awakens to see that Chinese black-market surgeons are slicing his famed "Chelios Heart" out (made famous by the fact that it kept beating after the events of the first film), and replacing it with a surrogate artificial heart, so they can keep him alive while they farm more of his organs.

Chelios escapes and discovers he has a whole new set of problems- his heart is connected to an external battery pack. When this battery pack runs out of juice, he only has one hour before his artificial heart stops and he dies. And of course one of the first things that happens is that his battery pack is smashed! Now Chelios has to keep his artificial heart beating with regular volts of electricity to recharge it, using anything he can- car power outlets, jumper cables, power stations, stun-guns- whatever he can get his hands on.

His goal- track down psychotic criminal Johnny Vang, who is seemingly parading around Chelios's heart in a miniature cooler, and get it back, so old friend and medical expert Doc Miles (Dwight Yoakam in a returning role as the man who lets the audience know exactly what's going on) can put it back in.

Chelios is also being tracked by sadistic criminals sent by "El Huron", a crime lord who has some devious connections to Chelios and his past actions.

This film has a very convoluted plot, but like the first one, it works out rather well. One particular thing I enjoyed is that we spend a little more time with subsequent and secondary characters, like Chev's girlfriend Eve (the sexy Amy Smart), Venus (Efron Ramirez portraying the brother to his slain character Laylo from the first film), and other characters that come up. It just adds to the plot, and gives it more reality, in contrast to the literal circus of Mayhem that Mr. Chev Chelios is stirring up.

Speaking of returning characters, this film certainly has a lot of cameos from characters from movie number one, which was a delight for me as a fan. Fans of the first "Crank", you'll definitely get a kick out of some of the cameos in this entry.

Now, onto the psychotic weirdness of the film. If you've seen the first film, you'll know it used strange tactics, like subtitles, graphics, and nightmarish imagery to put you inside of the heads of the characters. This film expands on that, by using and abusing subtitles, insane graphics, medical films, and more on a fairly regular basis. We even get a hilarious pseudo-flashback of sorts, and it is one of the most abrupt and brilliant segues I've ever seen to bridge two scenes.

And on that note, I should mention that this film does play for laughs a lot more than the first film. In fact, there are scenes specifically written to play for laughs more than for actions. As a fan, that may sound disheartening (sorry, had to make a heart pun), but trust me, it works. The film definitely teeters on self-satire at times (including a uproariously funny line of dialog where Eve swipes at fans who would call Chev surviving the first film "impossible"), but it keeps it's balance and lets us know that its not taking itself too seriously, so the comedy fits right in.

Writers/Directors Neveldine / Taylor also step the visuals up a notch. While not as haggard visually as the first film, this follow-up does have some pretty visuals, and is better-directed in terms of camera placement and editing in my opinion, and it fits right in with the first one. Their script is also to be commended for being so bold, with bizarre characters (I didn't even mention David Carradine going all "Charlie Chan"!), insane story lines, and one of the most over-the-top and unexpected finales I've seen in a long time. This isn't just an action movie, it's Looney Toons for grown-ups! It's the action equivalent of what "Evil Dead II" was to horror! It's brilliant in it's execution and definitely a step in the right direction for a sequel to "Crank"- not too serious.

This film literally left me in awe with its lunacy and action. If you loved the first film, then there's almost no way you won't love this entry.

I give "Crank: High Voltage" an 8 out of 10, because like the first film, it's the ultimate rush, and now it's even the ultimate source for laughs! Give this one a shot, you'll love it!