Kill Switch

There, now that I've stated my favorite part of the film, let's talk about the rest. "Kill Switch" is a terrible film that tries to copy the ideas from the 2007 masterpiece "Zodiac", but fails miserably in a very laughable way. The editing is an absolute joke, the fight scenes make "Fatal Deviation" look Oscar-worthy, and Seagal speaks in a terrible accent that supposedly sounds Southern, but I'm really not sure. The only good thing is that it is riffable for its content, and that Isaac Hayes made his peniultimate cameo on the silver screen. Oh, and one more thing to note: ze clown joke is a no.

When I started to watch this movie and saw that Seagal wrote it I got the feeling that this wasn't going to be a good movie. First of all Seagal is his usual self showing of his awesome acting skills. To support him in this movie Isaac Hayes has the role of the forensic doctor and he is awful.

The way this movie i cut in its action scenes is very annoying, every punch is seen 2-4 times and every so often you get a close-up at Seagal looking grim. The choreography in the fight is also bad, since there basically isn't any to be found. The fights are mostly Seagal holding a guy and punching him in the face repeatedly. The gun fights are just as bad and you start to wonder how Seagals character ever made it into the police force, because he can't hit anything at all.

All in all, this movie sucks

This could possibly be the worst Seagal flick ever. Where do I begin? The fight scenes are laughably phony and are a throwback to the "Dolemite" movies of the 70's. Yes, that bad and then some. Seagal's face is shown close up while a stuntman does all the work. It's comical to see the ill-fitting wig on the back of the stuntman. The fight sequences constantly use instant replay and this adds to the hilarity.

Seagal himself looks like he is literally dying from some undisclosed illness. His skin is red as raw meat and just as slimy. His face is full of weird pockmarks and it shines from the sweat. The man looks like he should be on some sort of life support. It's funny to see the actresses in the film have to pretend they want to jump his bones every time they look at him. Seagal once again uses his fake southern drawl as he's done in the last three films.

The gunfight was awful - he kept punching in clip after clip and must have shot off 40 rounds without hitting anything. Ditto the three bad guys. After that, my brain disengaged and I fell asleep.

Where do I start on how bad this movie is? Segal has always been proud to show off his fighting skills in each movie he has appeared in however this movie features a stunt double in every fighting scene – even the hand to hand scenes! You'll see a fight scene about to start the real Segal, the camera then cuts to the back of the Segal double, his hair looks nothing like the real Segal!!! Segal will pull a mean face the camera cuts to the stunt double who then throws a punch, back to the real Segal, pull another funny face….stunt double throws a kick – this is how every fight scene is cut! Oh and in case you missed anything each hit is shown again TWICE from a different angle. We see a guy get kicked out of window & the shot of him coming out the window is shown to us SIX times!

Segal punches a guy, guy falls to the floor, guy stands up once his 2 friends comes & help him & tells Segal "You're in trouble now". Segal batters his two friends, camera goes back to original who is now on the floor semi conscious????

I turned this movie off at exactly 19.54 it really is that bad

The name 'Steven Seagal' may not put the fear of God into many people these days, but when it is preceded by the two little words 'written by' it is something to strike fear in the hearts of stronger men than me. Summoning that peculiar kind of bravery possessed by a masochist equipped with a dozen clothes pegs and a wet shoelace I girded my loins and pressed the 'forward' button on my remote. There was no going back now, like one of Seagal's on screen sparring partners I was to be exposed to every sweaty punch and chop the big (big) man chose to throw in my direction.

I can get back the precious 8% of available recording time KillSwitch occupied on my Sky box, and the 90 minutes I lost watching the film are, in the grand scheme of things, only a minimal fraction of my intended lifespan, but my faith in the movie-making business may never be the same after watching this unholy mess.

The story is rubbish – that was to be expected after we learned who the screenwriter was – but the direction and editing in this film are surely something to be amazed by. The direction varies from pedestrian to excruciatingly bad – we see one bad guy crashing through a window half-a-dozen times, another bad guy collapse onto a table three times, etc. The editor keeps cutting away from the fights to the same headshot of Seagal in which he looks like a mildly interested bystander. In one fight scene, his opponent's bloody scars keeping appearing and disappearing. Another fight seems to go on forever, with all participants seeming to possess super-heroic stamina levels, and you end up watching in stupefaction, not quite able to believe that a movie fight scene is actually boring you.

Seagal plays a Southern cop with issues. It seems he witnessed the murder of his brother when he was a kid. What bearing this has on his present-day pursuit of a serial killer is never really explained. Neither is the identity or motive of the murderer. In fact the incident just seems to have been added to fill out the running time, give the director (whoever he is – I really can't be bothered to check) a chance to show off all the flashy tricks he learned while balancing on top of a dustbin to peer through the window of the local film studies classroom, and to give Seagal the opportunity to come over all broody every now and then.

Seagal was never sylph-like but, judging by the way we are treated to a lot of head-and-shoulder shots but hardly any full-lengths shots of him, his girth has expanded considerably since the 90s. In fact, he doesn't even move when he fights: he just parries his opponents' blow and waits for them to stray close enough for him to fell them with his meaty paw.