City Rats

This was the worst, most pretentious load of absolute inane rubbish I have ever had the misfortune to watch.

Luckily, however I managed to get my £3's worth (that's what it cost in Tescos) by watching 'the making of City Rats' in the extras part of the DVD. This was hysterical. The horrible, misogynistic and clearly sexually perverted director is on the biggest ego trip of his life and has managed to drag everyone else on this production along with it like some pied piper of doom.

There are some great lines like 'I did some research - I'll miss playing Chris' (James Lance, the bloke with the bit part in Alan Partridge, on his thoroughly embarrassing portrayal of an autistic homosexual - Hoffman you are most certainly not).

'I read a lot of sh*t scripts - but they are made into a success by big Hollywood actors' - Hussan. True... but this script is the most sh*t one ever and it's only got you in it so that's even worse.

Danny Dyer said some really funny things too (in that sort of I'm trying to be a serious method actor kind of a way) and the guy out of that dull mid 90's Asian family on Eastenders definitely got the top w*nker award but I've forgotten what both of them said right now and I can't face watching it again so you'll have to check it out for yourself..

My favourite quote however is from the 1st AD (I think it was) who said... 'This is the part of the DVD you watch when you've watched the film so many times and you think there must be something else on here to watch.' I suggest he reads the first review of this film I ever read which says... 'I would rather f*st my own dead grandmother than watch this film again.'

What started as a thoroughly depressing waste of an hour and a half of my life turned into a hysterically funny evening (albeit helped by a half a bottle of Jack Daniels). Buy this DVD (but try and get it for less than the £3 I paid) and have a laugh at the expense of everyone's inflated and misplaced egotistical ramblings on the 'making of'. It just shows you what happens when a bunch of failed trustafarian film students in Notting Hill actually achieve what they have been threatening to do for the last 10 years once armed with daddy's cheque book.

Watch this movie right until the end. Weigh them altogether an I'm sure everyone did a pretty good job!

/Having to write text just ......, 150.,.......,....

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This little-seen, poorly regarded, conspicuously grungy British Indie melodrama features top Lahnden sleazers, the priapic, potty-mouthed Diamond Slags of 'The Business', and this time out, Danny Dyer & Tamer Hassan credibly play against type, delivering career best performances in, Steve Kelly's witheringly bleak, downward-spiraling, multi character, inner-city existential nightmare, 'City Rats' (2009). A suitably sordid, superbly acted ensemble piece that greatly deserves far more of a nod than it currently receives. So, if you should ever care to take a butchers at some of the more debased creatures lurking within London's seamy underbelly, 'City Rats' provides a rather stark, if not exactly edifying overview of their tawdry travails!

Outside of its relative obscurity, 'City Rats' adds a singular 'oddness' to the all-too familiar milieu of London's oft-romanticized criminal underclasses that, for me, makes, Steve Kelly's downbeat drama a wholly unique experience! And it would be entirely remiss of me if I didn't mention the gutsy performance given by the fabulous, Susan Lynch as the disabled prostitute, 'Gina'. As someone who has spent much of his adult life in a dark place, some of the themes explored in 'City Rats' rang uncomfortably true, and it's a shame that the swarthily handsome Hassan's robust performance as a morose dipso has been ignored, and if no one else, Bukowski woulda dug on this one!

A Danny Dyer film, with the other guy, you know, Tanner Hassan, is that right, i'm not sure, but surely a cause for celebration following the exuberant Dead Man Running. But don't be fooled, this film has none of the mockney charm that these two ragamuffins can muster. I ain't no film critic so seeing a guy masterbating to his whore neighbour might not resonate with me as it might others, but I found the whole process somewhat redundant. Give me Malice In Wonderland, give me The Business, give me any other UK gangster film other than this bunch of pointless tripe. With all due respect to the Dyer and the Hassan-meister, this ain't your best work.

I was unfortunate enough to watch this film thinking perhaps it was another English gangster flick in the spirit of 'The Business' having seen Danny Dyer on the cover. However, I was instead greeted by a distasteful and depressing flick lacking significant character development. Not only this but there on numerous scenes of young gay men covorting with each other with no real explanation as to why. Other themes include suicide and drug addiction but are all terribly portrayed.

If you want to see this sort of film done properly watch requiem for a dream or the korean film 'peppermint candy' starring Kyung Gu-Sol, avoid this film at all costs people, save yourself the time and painful headache, whoever made this movie needs a good councilor.