- Wilson: Misanthrope seeks misanthrope. Honestly, if you respond to this ad then you are probably not the kind of woman I'd go out with. I guess I'm lonely and it's new years and I'm willing to embarrass the hell out of myself with this ad. About me: My girlfriends over the years have been intelligent and beautiful, in the end they have all broken my heart, whatever that means. My friend says I have to have a foto, so here it is. Talk to you soon. Wilson.
- [first lines]
- Wilson: The midnight kiss. It's not just another kiss. It's all the hope of romance of the year culminating in just one moment. And that over-hyped kiss, in which there is so much calling, texting, I.M.-ing, planning, hurrying, drinking to make happen, is set at a moment when time itself takes center stage, when you can palpably feel the weight of the year to come, mix with the loneliness and missed opportunities of the years gone by.
- [pause]
- Wilson: For years I used to work at a video store, and on new year's, I would always deal with what I thought were my people... those brokenhearted soles that hated the whole pageantry of the night, the ones who wanted to quietly and privately wallow in their own self-pity, getting drunk on the fictional romance and heartbreak of others.
- [pause]
- Wilson: That was me... the lonely, hunkered-down type waiting for the night to blow over. But sometimes when you are so low you can no longer follow that routine anymore...
- Jacob: Look, if you really want to meet someone who's pretty and cool and interesting, you can do that. All you have to do my friend is uh, put an ad up on the Craigslist.
- Wilson: Don't you think it's that random act of unkindness from some total stranger that's the coup de grace, and then all of a sudden, boom. You're bleeding to death on the bathroom floor?
- Vivian: [Fighting with her ex over the phone while out with Wilson] You know what? It doesn't even matter anymore. It doesn't matter. You know why? Because I am on a date tonight. And I am on a date with this wonderful, amazing, smart, attractive, handsome man. And you know what? He thinks I'm beautiful, Jack.
- Wilson: No, no, no, no, don't. Not good, not smart. Oh shit. Great, I'm gonna get shot.
- Jack: You're with a guy?
- Wilson: Don't do this.
- Vivian: Oh yeah! I like this guy so much that I think I'm gonna go home and I'm going to fuck this guy tonight!
- Wilson: Oh shit.
- Vivian: And I'm gonna fuck him over and over and over and over.
- Wilson: That's gonna be awesome.