Diary of a Cannibal

I got this movie from the $1 section at my local video rental store. I'm sorry that I even spent that much on this movie. I actually turned the movie right off after about 20 minutes...and I've never done that with ANY other movie. It seriously looks like some man just took his home video camera and filmed two kids staring at each other in a van and then every once in a while threw in a clip of a shiny knife with blood. Oh my! I almost WANT people to watch this movie...just to seriously see how horrible it is. It's almost comical. But I wouldn't do it, that's about an hour and a half of your life you'll never get back.

I rented this movie looking for a typical gore-fest a la Romero. Was I in for a disappointment. It turned out the be the worst 82 minutes I've spent in a long time. Something could have been done with the story, reputedly based on actual events, but it was not. The set and location shots must have cast the production company hundreds of dollars. The were endless flashbacks that conveyed nothing and were put in solely to add some time to the film. It's a shame that there isn't some sort of "Gong Show" system that would have nipped this one in the bud before it contaminated the viewing public. I don't recall having seen an Ulli Lommel film before but at least I am now forewarned to stay away. Please, if anyone recommends this movie to you, I would suggest that they immediately seek professional help and counseling.

Oh Ulli, why do I still act like a cinematic masochist by continuing to watch your unwatchable 'based on a true story' (albiet EXTREMELY loosely) waste of celluloid. Perhaps I've answered my own question. I AM a masochist, either that or the last true blooded optimist. Perhaps this one will be better. Maybe i won't long for the sweet embrace of death to keep me from viewing until the movie's end. Alas no. No such luck. i had to suffer through this spectacularly awful movie. Atrociously acted, shot worse than a student film. Unentertaining even in it's insipidness. DO NOT watch. DO NOT even let the idea enter your head.

Not only is it a horrible movie, but it seems like the Director approves of the whole situation. It seemed like they made the Male cop out to be a jerk for saying they were sick, as opposed to it being for "love". Come on man, it's sick! You're not together forever, you're not "one". The guys dead, you just ate his heart and liver! The relationship is pretty much over when his severed head is sitting on the table. (thats not a spoiler, it tells you what happens on the back of the DVD) "Cannibalism is misunderstood". Are you kidding me? It's like ignorance claiming genius....ugh....The thing that makes me sick is that the movie appears to be trying to get you to sympathize with the twisted crap. I don't know man. The only movie I've seen worse than this is "Final Days", the movie based on the last days before Kurt Cobain's suicide. It's a close call though.

Diary of a Cannibal (2006)

1/2 (out of 4)

Ulli Lommel is back once again with yet another "based on true events" film. This time he tells the story of the German man who was sent to prison for killing another man and eating him. In this film, the story is changed around to a man and woman who meet on the internet and he wants her to eat him. The story of the German man was better told in the film Cannibal, which I viewed earlier in the year. That film was the sickest film I had ever seen and had me on the verge of throwing up but I can honestly say this film had me close to throwing up but for different reasons. Lommel shows once again that he's turned into the biggest hack master in the world delivering yet another horrible film. I'll give him some credit that he changed to story to a somewhat interesting one but he does nothing with it. Everything from the performances to the special effects are horrid so that doesn't leave much going for the film. It's really sad to see Lommel selling himself out with this incredibly horrid film but Lions Gate keeps buying them so I guess he'll keep making them.