Los diez locos mandamientos

Greetings again from the darkness. If you are familiar with "Wet Hot American Summer", Stella Shorts and MTV's "The State", you will have some idea what director David Wain has in store for you. Still, given the talent involved, I was amazed at the lack of creativity involved in most of the 10 vignettes loosely based on the Ten Commandments.

Even the best ideas fall flat and leave us with only a couple of chuckles. Adam Brody being implanted in the ground after a skydive, Winona Ryder shacking up with a wooden marionette, a doctor's goof that leads to his prison "romances", twin brothers learning of their odd gene pool while embracing Oliver Platt's Ah-nuld impersonation, a perky Jessica Alba, Liev Schreiber's attempts to keep up with the Jones', and Justin Theroux as Jesus H. Christ all had potential for true insight into human nature. Instead we are force fed a few quick hits in the "Reno 911" mold.

The ongoing between commandment scenes with Paul Rudd and Famke Jansson could have been classic, and a few scenes with Gretchen Mol will usually save a film. I appreciate the concept but am saddened by the result.

There's a cartoon rhino in this film who lays big stinkin turds everywhere. That's a good description of this movie.

There was an Exodus from the theater starting about halfway through.

It's just a loose collection of sketches that have original concepts -- but like an SNL sketch, they just keep pounding the same joke in over and over into boredom.

Forget about the Ten Commandments -- it's really not about them or religion -- or anything much. There's no satire even.

If you think "oh I love dirty comedies" -- you'll be disappointed. There's no naked breasts. Just a lot of fairly unattractive naked men and endless ass-raping mentions.

I like "dirty and brilliant", but "dirty and lame" is a sin against comedy.

If The Ten, directed by David Wain who helmed Wet Hot American Summer, prior to release had been shipped back to the editing room, hacked to pieces, and renamed "The Three and some random skits from the Other Seven", I may be giving this film a positive review. Unfortunately, it is not as such and thusly we are forced to sit through a number of flat and unfunny parodies that are about the quality of a rejected Mad TV gag. At times the skits careen so wildly of course from the commandments message they are referencing, it becomes inane and incoherent. Let me just say that any movie that achieves in making Paul Rudd unfunny, is dead on arrival.

But, as I indicated above, The Ten is not totally devoid of merit, as there were a few short stories that were actually quite hilarious. These shorts could easily have been helmed by Will Ferrell, just to give you an idea of the style of comedy employed. The Ten even has a simplistically ingenious premise, spinning and warping the messages of the Ten Commandments to the extreme, which results in a sometimes quirky and sometimes disastrous experience. Starring Winona Ryder, who, to give you a clue at the average quality of the material is the love interest of a ventriloquist dummy, Adam Brody, Liev Schreiber, Jessica Alba, Ken Marino, Famke Janssen and others who appear in multiple skits in reoccurring roles. Paul Rudd narrates the interludes between stories, and as I mentioned before, he is given nothing to work with. After being so constantly brilliant in The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up and even in Friends, it is depressing to view him so lifeless. These intermissions drag so long at times that I simply wanted him to shut up, which is something I have never had the inclination to direct at such a comedic talent in the past.

The stories that succeed the most are those that reference the commandments, thou shall not take the lords name in vain, you shall not bear false witness against your neighbour, thou shall not kill and thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife. (Which is the conclusion of thou shall not kill) My favourite being the middle former, which constitutes Liev Schreiber competing against his neighbour to collect the most CAT scan machines, and destroying his family in the process. The double part vignette that I enjoyed features Ken Marino as a doctor who leaves a pair of scissors inside a patient as "a goof" and is subsequently sentenced to life in prison; this is thou shall not kill. The second part, is very funny, and constitutes Marino's character coveting his neighbour in prison, longing to be their bitch, instead of that of his current cellmate. If more of the stories had been like this, The Ten could have ended up wildly successful. The stories (or parts of stories) that succeed are those that are clear representations of the source, which follows the golden rule of shows like the Simpson's, in that such a show gets funnier the older the viewer, as more of the satire is familiar.

The ending is just as terrible as the Rudd interludes, which seems to resemble a regurgitated re-imagining of the finale of the 40 Year Old Virgin with the cast erupting in song. It is as if Rudd approached Wain and said that this approach had worked so well in his previous films that they may as well attempt it again. I can't hep but think this could have been successful if it had stayed in a sketch comedy show, but The Ten has no substance for a full length feature. I think they should have preformed one more, lesser known commandment, reading: thou shall not subject thyself to said torment in thy quest for merriment.

View all my reviews at Simon Says Movie Reviews: www.simonsaysmovies.blogspot.com

This movie was truly horrific. I like anything from black comedies to just very straight forward humor, but this wasn't funny at all. The writing seemed juvenile, forced and all over the place. I mean come on: the stories are based on the ten commandments. There has got to be some humor in ten random rules on which to base morality. Yet this didn't even come close to pointing out anything at all. I also can't seem to figure out how they got funding for this and all these normally very funny actors participated. I can understand how a movie can seem good on paper, but to not work on screen, but to know this wasn't going to work at all you barely have to be able to read. If you are planning to go see this movie: don't!

Once upon a time there was a good movie called 10. They should have borrowed on that title and call it "1". As it is the worst thing someone put on the screen. To call it a 'comedy' is a big stretch, nothing at all is funny in that silly movie. It looks like a high school production, and its amazing how some of the actors agreed to be in it. The humor is juvenile, and it is just pure silly. I can't see it even as a cult movie at midnight.... There are really not enough negative comments to say to describe this total waste of time, and money...how they got the funding is a mystery...did anyone read that? Save time, money and stamps before you go see this ONE.....