Illegal Aliens

Anna Nicole Smith was never going to a big star in perhaps the way we few stars of a certain stature.

What she had going for her was there for all to see, and to be honest who actually thought that she had any worthwhile acting talent? Of course when it comes to her final movie, namely 'Illegal Aliens' I suddenly had a change of heart.

I first saw the trailer on the same disc as that most often talked about debacle 'Transmorphers' and while I don't want to veer to far from my train of thought, 'Transmorphers' was indeed a very unsatisfying way to spend my ninety plus minutes in front the tube.

If I were to be honest, I couldn't stop watching the trailer for Anna Nicole's movie.

Now although she headlined the movie, star power was in abundance to back her up, when I say star power, we really should realise that this is a straight to DVD B movie.

That being said, with the presence of Chyna aka Joanie Lauer and in a very brief cameo as a mob boss John James, the film was never going to lack in the acting stakes.

Perhaps mentioning acting and Chyna in the same breath really should be taken too seriously but she really did steal the vast majority of the movie as the tough talking allbeit possessed by something not of our world tough and deadly femme.

I guess like most movies though, the best bits were to be found within the trailer, isn't that always the way, but as mentioned in my summary, funny in parts, and this is all down to the participation of Anna Nicole, who it must be said, although ditching her glamorous look, really did look rather attractive in her ditzy fashion outfits, as well as and this is of major importance, the sever overacting of Chyna.

But when it comes to a cohesive storyline structure, the narrative was all over the place, but hey, with a storyline as outrageous as this, perhaps this was the best way to approach it.

If I was asked what I could compare this movie to? when watching it, having watched many a B movie down through the decades, the two that came to mind where 'Assault Of The Killer Bimbos' & 'Earth Girls Are Easy' of course within the movie the most obvious reference belongs to 'Charlie's Angels'.

Edgewood Studios might not be The Asylum, but at least they can deliver a more entertaining film complete with a humorous script, some decent acting for a movie of this nature and of course the main course ingredient, pretty girls to look at, and that does include the late Anna Nicole Smith.

My rating is 6/10 and that

"Charlie's Angels" meets "Men In Black", says the tagline on the DVD cover of "Illegal Aliens", and for once they got it right: like CA this movie has a trio of hot female crime-fighters (in this case, aliens in human form), and like MIB their mission is to protect the Earth from aliens with evil ambitions (add a bit of "Superman II", and you pretty much have the plot mix). Of course this is primarily meant to be a spoof, but too often the humor is forced and stale: fart jokes have never been and will never be very funny, and even the satirical and "breaking the fourth wall" jokes (such as a "Villain Monologue Timer" that appears on the screen, or the director of the film yelling "cut" and talking to the actors) have been done before, and better (remember that "Dead Body Counter" in "Hot Shots Part Deux"?). In her last film appearance, Anna Nicole Smith plays the lightheaded, childlike agent: it's an one-note performance, but she hits that one note well and she's pretty adorable. Joanie Laurer AKA Chyna chews the scenery to the 9th degree, which can get pretty tiresome, but at least she's still in good shape - if she ever wanted to return to wrestling, she looks like she could do it. As Anna's fellow agents, Lenise Sorén and Gladys Jimenez play it more straight and come off the best; they both also have fantastic physiques and the skimpy outfits to show them. In fact, I think that the people who will probably get the most out of this movie are the admirers of athletic female bodies. (**1/2)

The directors next movie he made after this was Craptastic. No really, that was the title of the film. I think that says everything you need to know about this absolute howler of a movie.

There are many problems with this film but I will start with the two lead actors. China and Anna Nicole Smith in her last role. Neither can act worth a lick. And both are now dead from drug and drink overdoses. Something that one can well believe by watching Illegal Aliens.

I can't find anything good to say about it. Well maybe it doesn't take itself too seriously is about the only thing I can think.

Best avoided.

I have to say I honestly wasn't expecting much from this movie. I figured it would be a typical B-movie, direct to video and filled with bad acting and cheap production values. I was wrong. The special effects and action were surprisingly good, and I found this to be one of the funniest films I've seen in a long time.

Anna Nicole was absolutely adorable, and showed that she had a lot more comedic talent than people gave her credit for. When she was trying to do action movies, she was out of her element -she was made to do comedy, and it's a shame we will not get to see her talent develop. Because she had a lot of potential judging from this film. She was very cute in this.

Joanie Laurer was also deliciously evil in this film, in a screwball kind of way. I hope she makes more comedies as well -having only seen her on reality shows, I wasn't expecting someone so funny -just her tics and facial contortions were a scream. This movie is just plain fun!

As someone who enjoys films from directors like Preston Sturges and John Waters, I can only ask why Hollywood spends so much money to make films that aren't half this good or funny. Sometimes there's nothing like a wacky screwball comedy instead of some sophisticated overwritten psychobabble. To the cast and crew, thanks for making me laugh so hard. Illegal Aliens should keep me in stitches from laughing until John Waters graces us with another dose of funny. I also recommend Elvira's Haunted Hills for another great comedy that Hollywood didn't pick up on.

This guys are geniuses. I mean, aliens flying as pigs through outer space and landing and becoming babes? That is so incredibly smart and funny. Plus, get this. Ana Nicole Smith is playing... you're never going to guess this... are you ready?... a stupid blond bimbo. Can you imagine? Her playing a stupid blond bimbo? That's genius. Where do they come up with this stuff? They must have, like, talent or something, and genius, yeah, genius, and, like, they must be really, really funny people to make this kind of movies.

Anyway, I did give this movie a 2, not a 1, 'cause at one point I almost laughed, when this guy finds JC.

Bottom line, if you want to see Anna Nicole Smith, find some old number of Playboy or something, and if you want to see a comedy, see Hot Fuzz, 'cause that's really funny. But I, for one, can't imagine any possible reason for recommending this movie to anybody.