- Jiminy Glick: [to Eugene Levy] Where do Canadians go when they need to get away? Do they just go to the border and look and peer and wish?
- Bob Hope: [to Eugene Levy] I didn't see your movie, but I saw a trailer for it, where you entered, I think, a kitchen and there was a kid and he was doin' something with a pie. He had his, like, penis in a pie, didn't he?
- Eugene Levy: Well, we, we didn't actually, we didn't actually see any body parts, but I think...
- Bob Hope: And it reminded me of a scene that I did years ago in a movie called "I'll Take Sweden"...
- Jiminy Glick: I love that film!
- Bob Hope: ...When Anita Ekberg and I walk in on my son, and he was watching TV.
- [pause]
- Bob Hope: Yeah, things have changed.
- Jiminy Glick: No, see, now... yes, now you are...
- Bob Hope: I don't know how to, how I fit in in this world now, y'know.
- Jiminy Glick: It's wonderful to have you here, we have to pause, we have to sell something. Without these people, we don't have any money!
- Bob Hope: I want... I wanna talk more about that kid's penis.
- Jiminy Glick: See, this is what I've heard about you, and again, I've heard that you can be fun, cooperative, but there's a SNAP.
- Conan O'Brien: Do you understand what kind of pressure I'm under?
- Jiminy Glick: What pressure? You've got a five year pick up, you're makin' four, five thousand dollars a month now. What would be your concern? The ladies love you.
- Conan O'Brien: They do.
- Jiminy Glick: And you're hip. Everyone says "Oh, you're so hip." You're so hip. And when it goes away, and it WILL go away, and I think it might've gone away...
- Conan O'Brien: About a year and a half ago, yeah.
- Jiminy Glick: ...Is someone left with a sense of emptiness, Conan O'Brien?
- Conan O'Brien: I sometimes, yeah, when the show's over... I don't know how much time you have, but...
- Jiminy Glick: Oh, we haven't been taping for a while.
- Conan O'Brien: ...When the show's over sometimes, they... everyone else leaves right away, and I often stay here on the set, and they turn off the lights, and sometimes there's a lone spotlight just on me, and it can get very poignant. Y'know, sometimes people question why stay for that-
- [Jiminy's cell phone rings]
- Jiminy Glick: Excuse me, just one second, keep that...
- [answers it]
- Jiminy Glick: Hello?
- [...]
- Jiminy Glick: Oh hi, Dixie, how are you?
- [...]
- Jiminy Glick: No, I'm doing an interview with this guy.
- [...]
- Jiminy Glick: Conan O'Brien.
- [...]
- Jiminy Glick: [laughs] I don't know him either! But he's lots of fun, a big shocker right here, it's like watching, you know when we watch "Here's Lucy" at night...
- Conan O'Brien: I was telling you, I was telling you about a pretty sad...
- Jiminy Glick: [to Conan] And I want to hear about it, 'cause it's really interesting.
- [to Dixie]
- Jiminy Glick: No, that's, no, tell Morgan those things are called bucket seats. And they're called bucket seats for a reason.
- Conan O'Brien: I don't...
- Jiminy Glick: Put Morgan on.
- Conan O'Brien: I don't lower my defenses often.
- Jiminy Glick: [to Conan] Ssh!
- Conan O'Brien: It's rare when a comedian would open up...
- Jiminy Glick: Please, please, please, buddy. I'm dealing with my son, Morgan, wants to put a whole bunch of groceries in a bucket seat, and he doesn't want to use a bag, he just wants to keep them loose in a bucket seat, and I'm upset, and I really want to get to you, but ultimately, this is my life.
- [listens in phone]
- Jiminy Glick: Oh, she hung up.
- [puts phone in his pocket]
- Jiminy Glick: Well this has been fun. Y... you really are a true sport, because I'll tell you why-
- [Conan stands up and walks out of the interview]
- Jiminy Glick: what have I done? Someone explain to me what the hell has gone on!