Zombie Nation

BTK Killer, Green River Killer, Zodiac Killer; the man keeps putting out absolute garbage and the ironic thing is, he loves his crap.

I've never seen a Ulli Lommel film but I was so amazed on how everyone thinks his stuff is so awful. Like the movies I said in the beginning don't even equal a six when added together! After reading the comments I was curious to see how bad this guy really is. He is the worst out there.

The credits wouldn't end as the pathetic movie started and quickly I noticed that the audio was incredibly badly dubbed in. The acting was incredibly awful and same to the camera shots. The editing is easily the worst. This movie made no sense and I unbearably couldn't take it anymore as it wouldn't end and I was only 45 minutes in the movie. I couldn't take it anymore. I wasted 45 minutes of my life.

DO NOT WATCH THIS CRAP!

Every year I watch hundreds of films, including many low budget amateurish straight-to-DVD abominations that nobody in their right mind would ever want to see. I have seen thousands of films in my time, many excellent, many forgettable. Zombie Nation I will remember forever as one of the most hopelessly laughable 'horror' films I have ever seen – in fact I still haven't recovered from the experience of watching it.

The day after, it seems like some kind of weird dream. Did I really see what I thought I saw? Why do the police work out of a warehouse? Did the voodoo priestesses really recommend that the 'zombies' eat cheeseburgers? Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe?

I wouldn't recommend Zombie Nation if you want to see a 'good' film, and neither would I recommend it as 'so bad its good'. However, if you are entertained by the prospect of watching probably the most indefensibly abysmal film ever – this is for you. Now, whenever anyone asks me what the worst film I have ever seen is, I will say Zombie Nation.

Seriously – I think it's a greater crime to make a boring film than a bad one, and Ulli Lommel deserves credit for producing a film that actually stuns you with its ineptitude. He really is the Ed Wood Jr. of the digital age, and I for one can't wait to see if he makes another film as consistently ridiculous as this one.

In order to make an Ulli Lommel Special, you will need the following ingredients:

• 10-15 "actors" picked randomly from a variety of high school and community college drama programs (preferably ones dismissed for utter lack of talent)

• 1 part German wooden lead to stumble through English dialogue

• 1 abandoned warehouse to house all sets (police station with blatantly exposed sewage pipes clearly indicating it is shot in boiler room, apartment that looks like Ikea show room, furniture store whose door remains open all times of day despite lack of presence of staff or security team)

• 1/4 gallon of white paint (will not be enough to paint walls within camera range in said warehouse)

• 1 part crew man's accidental and blatant reflection in mirror

• 1 part stolen soundtrack song from THE EXORCIST (to be repeatedly used)

• Multiple parts flashback of fat bald man getting spanked

• 1 part clone of Parker Posey

• 1 part random FIGHT CLUB-ish scene where two men fist fight and fall into strategically placed cardboard boxes while friends and family shout encouragement, only never to be mentioned again

• 2 cameras; one digital that shoots in good quality, one amateur home video camera that is glaring opposite to other camera

• 1/4 teaspoon of black make-up (apply generously; black make-up under eyes will encompass ALL zombie make-up)

• 3 parts lighting equipment to be blatantly captured in shot in every police station scene

• 1 part terribly out of place, unnoticed, non-utilized gong, placed in very fake police station

• 0 parts script supervisor

• 1 part audacity to use MARATHON MAN homage (in nonsensical way)

• 1 part random businessman that waits out in middle of woods to make business deals via cell phone, only to become fodder for zombie girls (who then steal car)

• 1 part mechanic who takes out penis behind door as zombie girls approach

• 1 part fake bloody penis

• 1 part hope that you won't realize Uli didn't bother to write out the hero who disappears halfway through the movie due to real-life hospital visit

• 0 parts logic

• 6 parts zombie girls to wear said black make-up under eyes up with no other make-up effects to be seen (except for continuity-be-damned close ups in mirrors)

• Multiple parts suspension of disbelief (cop takes offending woman to warehouse, partner waits outside, cop comes back out sans woman but with giant body-sized duffel bag, partner is not suspicious)

• 1 part completely ludicrous ending

Take all said ingredients and throw haphazardly against wall. Hope it sticks. Take generous portion, swallow with grimace as Ulli Lommel rips money from your pockets, laughs maniacally.

This is one of the worst films ever. I like cheesy movies but this is simply awful. Where are the images in the film that are on the box? I think more money was spent on the DVD box illustrations than on the entire film.

Why would a company release a DVD that the cover is so misleading? I feel like such an idiot for renting this movie based strictly on the box. As much as I explore IMDb I should have done a little research and made a list prior to visiting my local video rental store. I have no one to blame except myself. I want my money and time back.

DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.

Even if curiosity is motivating you, stick cocktail umbrellas in your eyes instead. It will be much more enjoyable. You have been warned!

I have made it my personal mission to go after those responsible for this film. I even got the rental company to give me my money back because I argued that they perpetrated false advertising.

It's not enough that the movie itself is a p.o.s., but the cover art is what sold me. I've done better make-up effects on my children at Halloween than what the movie actually depicts versus the cover art. Can you say "raccoon eyes?"

I'm not going to waste more of my time by going into the full details, but come on, the movie's main character is an L.A. cop who was born and raised in Alabama - but has a German accent!?! It's beyond insulting.