The Insatiable

The vampire genre has got the be most abused genre in movie making. Movie makers just have no clue about what to do with it. When was the last time anyone made a great vampire flick? The latest catastrophe is The Insatiable. Marketed as some erotic horror movie it turns out to be a dull comedic romance, which is neither funny nor romantic. There is a lot of the awful Tarantino-esquire self-conscious direction and (mis)use of music to make things lighthearted. The story centers around a depressed loner loser (bad idea #1) who witnesses a vampire crime. Seen as a crazy guy or perpetrator by the police he takes matters into his own hands going online in search of help. He finds a reluctant vampire hunter with whom he chats online for long times (bad idea #2, people typing on keyboards is never interesting in a movie). He sets out to kill the vampire but being unable to do so chooses to take her captive in a cage in his basement. So most of the action/ interaction will take place between the main characters talking in a basement (bad idea #3). This is a looong, boring, Z-budget movie but with good production values. It's "not rated" but if it were, it's rating would be PG-13. Don't expect a gore fest or lots of sex and nudity- that's just the marketing trick applied to the title. We are told the vampire is insatiable but we have to take the character's words for it because we see no evidence of it. There's one two-second sex-in-clothes scene. Only in American movies do people have sex while clothed. Pretty soon you notice that the story isn't going to go anywhere. The male lead is sympathetic and likable but overacted as is one of his coworkers who plays the funny jerk non-stop. What keeps this movie from being a complete narcotic is the vampire who is a beautiful girl. There's also an attractive neighbor. Pretty but underused girls. The script shows some signs of intelligence here and there. The ending is "good" but given that the rest of the movie is so bad and one has absolutely no hopes or expectations that things will improve, any ending where something, anything happens, would have been good. We are told this thing was filmed in Austin although the only evidence that it wasn't filmed in California is that the girls have gorgeous hair, unlike the lifeless hair of lazy California girls. I was thinking it was filmed in Canada since it's so good natured and dull. Why it takes two directors to film this is a mystery. Half a director could have done it on a weekend. The credits mention a 'behind the scenes' director. Funny, there are no Behind the Scenes in the Special Feautures. In fact there are no extras on this DVD. A shame, any additional screen time of the girls would could have helped. Stay away from this mess.

This looked like one of those movies that would either be really good or really bad. Odds usually are in favor of really bad. This one surprised me by turning out "pretty good". Not terrible. Not great. The acting was good and the writing was good and I was happily surprised to see it wasn't one of those annoying erotic vampire stories with tons of nudity and Gothic crap but no plot. Rather it was a Clerks-style comedy with a vampire drama underneath. On the other hand, I thought it was a bit slow-moving. But overall it was worth my time. I was expecting it would be one of the rentals I'd regret, a high-risk gamble gone wrong... but it was probably the best of the movies I rented for that night (of course that isn't saying much).

I just saw the screener and it's pretty good. It's not a high budget movie, but it's very tastefully done. It's not about the gore, it's not quite a thriller or a comedy. It's a mixture. Keeping it real and somewhat close to life. About the acting: There is one scene where they should have slapped the actor and make him do it again for screwing up his timing, but on the whole it's very entertaining. Sean Patrick Flanery did great, although you do get the sense of a cool guy playing a dork. But that's easily forgotten by the 'hey, it's the guy from the Boondock Saints' feeling. (or maybe that's just me) I think you'll enjoy this movie. It just might make you smile, or give you a kinky idea to try with your girlfriend... (just consider this part a joke, those fainthearted people amongst us)

Anyway: good flick, go watch it.

"The Insatiable" is a well-made vampire comedy horror with a decent cast and direction. Sean Patrick Flanery plays Harry Balbo, a man who witnesses a horrific vampire killing during his visit to his local convenience store. Balbo becomes obsessed with tracking the beautiful female vampire (Charlotte Ayanna) down and is successful in imprisoning her in his basement.

Ayanna is a convincing screen siren and it's easy to see how Balbo becomes her unwitting helper. Michael Biehn plays a seasoned vampire hunter - it's a small role but he makes the most of it.

7 out of 10. The ending's a bit rushed but this is a reasonable horror comedy. Worthy of a rental.

The Insatiable, like droves of other vampire flicks, attempts to cover new ground and build on established formulas to create something memorable, and despite having the direct to video stigma working against it's notoriety, works pretty well for the most part. Sean Patrick Flanery plays a timid fellow who, after being targeted by a sexy, devilish bloodsucker (Charlotte Ayana), seeks help anywhere he can, broadcasting his predicament via HAM radio (maybe not the most effective outlet) to anyone who will listen. It just so happens that there is a grizzled old vamp hunter out there played by Michael Biehn, a jaded hardass who's just waiting for signs of these creatures. Ayana likes to play with her prey, and taunts both of them throughout the film in some amusing cat and mouse games, forcing Flanery to great lengths of survival including building one hell of a cage in his basement to trap the bitch. The material is treated mostly head on with just a smidge of smirking deadpan, especially in the sly ending. Biehn is awesome as the cranky, high strung vamp slayer, really having fun in the role. A fun, if slight little flick.