Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike

Apparently, this was based on a free, obscure Flash game created in 1998 and for some reason, the creators thought it had potential for a movie almost ten years later. They couldn't have been more wrong, because the result was one of the worst computer-animated Christmas movies of all time.

Here's the story: Pirate siblings, Santa (Joe Alaskey) and Dingle (Tom Kenny), make a living stealing and selling toys aboard their ship. Soon, though, they are mutinied and thrown overboard. After winding up at the North Pole, the brothers plan to steal and sell all the toys the elves there have made. Eventually though, Santa has a change of heart and becomes the jolly old St. Nick we know and love, while Dingle unsurprisingly seeks to overthrow his brother and take over Christmas. So now, the two siblings compete in an Elf bowling match, the winner which will be the head of the holidays.

Admittingly, on paper, the plot sounded interesting and had potential. The idea of Santa Claus starting off as a bad guy, then gradually learning the importance of giving and bringing joy to the world until he becomes the figure of Christmas and might have worked if handled properly. But instead, the creators ruined it all when they chose to mix it with "Elf Bowling". And ironically, there isn't even that much bowling involved in the film. It's just a plot device to invoke the final showdown between Santa and Dingle.

Granted, I've seen worse animation in "Sir Billi" and "Foodfight!", both released later in 2012, but it still sucked here and looked about ten years out of date. The character models all had shoddy and ugly designs, poorly textured faces that looked as though their skin was made of wax, and their movements were jerky and erratic. The Elves looked the worst with their small beady eyes, oversized cheekbones, and huge pointy noses; they reminded me of Tingle from the Legend of Zelda.

The dialogue is boring and disgusting, with lines like: "Who pooped in the peanut butter?". And there's way too much innuendo for kids to be watching this, like: "Brother, you keep your hot strudel in your pants." Plus, despite a notable voice cast being involved, all the voice acting and singing was annoying. I guess they spent most of the budget hiring Tom Kenny to lend his voice, but all we hear is him using a slightly altered Patchy the Pirate voice for Dingle.

I can't believe it cost $6.5 million to make this, because in the end, this was just a humorless, poorly made, 80-minute-long mess based on a flash game long forgotten. It had no redeeming qualities and no Christmas charm or spirit to speak of. Except for "The Christmas Light" and "Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa", this was the crappiest computer animated Christmas movie I've ever seen, and I'm irritated that I wasted my time watching it, even just to review it as a warning for others.

This was for a game that was way past its popularity at this point. Nothing about it ever comes together. The story has potential but it's not all that interesting, the characters are meh though the rivalry between Santa (Joe Alaskey) and Dingle (Tom Kenny) is somewhat entertaining.

The animation isn't the worst but it certainly looks cheap. The textures look rubbery which's strange when they have to emote in some way like smile. It goes without saying but this's a movie you can definitely skip. It's got nothing for kids or adults so it fails to entertain in both departments.

If you're looking for so bad it's good than this might be for you. If not, definitely cross it off your wish list.

Seriously how did this film get greenlit? What were the producers thinking/smoking? There is no real reason to make this. I can fathom films made based on Mario, Sonic, Donkey Kong, or Star Fox but why this? Seriously it was based off of Elf Bowling an online game in 1998 that was renowned for being among the worst. Yet it worse because the story is barely based on what flimsy material it is and there's so many lame scenes and bland song and dance numbers that stretches the time making it not only longer but seem longer than it really is. It all starts off with Santa as a pirate and his brother Dingle getting kicked off their ship, freezing, and thawed by elves. Dingle wants to be in charge and challenges Santa to a game of bowling and Dingle wins by cheating (using penguins in place of elves). Then the plot turns south with the elves being moved to Fiji and involving talking statues. Then a rematch happens and oh heck is this beyond stupid. The characters are ugly and one dimensional, the animation lacking, the story is abysmal beyond comprehension, nor is the dialogue or voice acting worthwhile. If any good came out of it, it's that a Halloween sequel was cancelled due to this lame excuse of this movie's even lamer performance. If anyone is going to make a movie based on any videogame, base it on something well known and good. This should be a chapter in how to not make a movie.

"Elf Bowling" is probably one of the worst Christmas specials ever made. It lacks the charm it is supposed to have, the animation is terrible, and it is not funny at all. All this added to the fact that it was post-produced to tie in to a popular downloadable video game.

In fact, all bowling elements of the film made no sense to me. Sure, the video game is fun. I know because I've played it. However, how can you have Santa use elves as bowling pins and make both the Christmas special endearing and Santa not look like a masochist? This movie's answer to that question is apparently by making the elves actually LIKE being knocked down by a heavy bowling ball. As long as Santa is rolling that ball, it's a compliment, I guess.

The way you can tell that "Elf Bowling" and all bowling elements were added to the film at the last minute is just by looking at the title: "Elf Bowling: The Movie- The Great North Pole Elf Strike". If you take anything related to bowling out of this movie, you still get a story that's predictable, and characters whose actions fly in the face of logic. Adding bowling to the plot is just clearly contrived.

Apparently, in one of the stupidest Santa origin stories ever, Santa Claus (voiced by Joe Alaskey, who also does the voice for Grandpa Lou in TV's "Rugrats") starts out as a pirate (yes, a pirate!) whose fellow shipmates make it their duty to steal toys from orphans. When Santa has a falling out with his brother, Dingle Kringle (voiced by Tom Kenny, the voice of Spongebob Squarepants), they end up both accidentally walking off the plank. Because they happen to fall off the ship in the North Pole, they end up frozen and floating off to a land inhabited by toy-making elves.

While the brothers initially plan to steal the toys the elves made, Santa warms up to the elves. Dingle, however, does not. Santa goes on to take over the workshop, while Dingle, in plain sight of Santa, wants to take over the toy making operation. First he wants to keep the toys for himself. Later, he wants to deliver the toys to all the children in the world with invoices attached so he can profit. INVOICES! As if kids would actually pay them.

Do you see any room for bowling in this story? Somehow, they manage to wedge it in, and it sticks out like a sore thumb. Also, Dingle, being the bad guy, cheats in the first game, then is caught by the elves. They have a rematch, and Dingle cheats again, unbeknownst to those same elves. Talk about "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"! For plot convenience's sake, the elves never seem to comprehend Dingle's evil schemes, even when he flies them to Fiji. The elves are not supposed to be stupid, but their lines like "What the cranberry sauce are you doing?" make you wonder.

Despite the veteran, talented voice actors they recruited for this special, this is just a very cheap way to promote a video game that did not need this movie to promote it. It had already been downloaded 100 million times (literally) before this movie came out.

Everything about this movie felt cheap: the writing, the animation, and even the sole black elf who spoke intelligence-insulting jive talk. I did not enjoy it, and I doubt kids will either. However, it may be best used as an actual bowling pin so you can through a bowling ball at it.

Its a good in joke between your friends. Oh, and I guess don't ever ever do anything remotely similar to this.

There can be only 1 elf bowling movie.