A.I. Assault

Another made-for-Tele movie which is completely horrible. There is barely any plot, the acting, writing, and of course the god-awful directing of today's worst director and Ed Wood impersonator, Jim Wynorski, who, when not making terrible plot less porn movies with hideous women, is making crappy straight to video or Sci-fi "original" movies. Basically this is a bad rip-off of War of the worlds, and to top it all off, it's another failed attempt of a Sci-fi original movie. If Sci-fi continually pulls bad ideas out of their ass with overtones of someone Else's' films, then the horror business if being dug to an early grave. Which is sad because I am a horror filmmaker myself of what one may call 'b-flicks' but when I see these computer-generated bloody bull-crap, it makes me want to throw up. If this movie comes on the Tele again, kill yourself, it will make you hate your remaining life.

Wow. Some of my favorite actors are completely wasted in this movie. They try, some more than others, but they can't save this clunker of a script in the hands of an incompetent director. Oh look, the writer and director are the same person: Jim Wynorski.

You can tell that this movie had a reasonable budget, but Jim Wynorski doesn't know what to do with it. All of his shots are uninspired and clunky. Likewise, the editing is amateurish. A first year film student could do better.

The CGI effects are clean, but they are not integrated well into the live action scenes. Human actors react to things that don't happen, or are out of sync with the CGI action. For example, while being attacked, someone is thrown to the ground by a CGI robot that never gets anywhere close to the actor.

Additionally, the music is really lame. Casio keyboard quality from someone's basement.

But the worst element is the script. Everything about it is terrible. The story, the lines and the characters are all pathetic.

The only things keeping the movie from being a 1 rating are the actors and the rest of the production staff. The camera work is good, as are the costumes, sets, sound, etc. i.e. it's a well-made crappy movie.

It actually gives you the illusion that the dialog isn't completely under-developed. I actually didn't find the acting to be terrible, if they were given some decent lines, well actually if this movie was completely re-written, it would have been a hell of a lot better.

The special effects were entertaining, I'm sure the film crew were on a limited budget, and I give them props for what they managed to squeeze from I'm guessing, an already dry lemon. Well aside from the plane scene... But then again, nothing can be made perfect. If you rent this movie, you should expect it not to be worth you're money, because there's a lot of other sci-fi movies out there. But if you you don't care about a measly dollar, then get it out, for a laugh at least. ;)

I've never reviewed a movie before without watching the whole thing. This is a special case. I began watching the movie. 3 minute later, crappiness reached critical mass. People screaming at badly animated CGI robots. Pistols with endless clips that magically fire without recoil (In fact, upon looking closer, I realized that the pistols are more magical than I realized at first. They somehow fire without the hammer even moving!) Right about the time the guy in camouflage parked his truck underneath the robot and waited for it to laser him is where I quit watching and started doing my math homework. Did they even try with this movie? Jeez. I feel insulted. Thank God I only wasted $2 renting it. Easiest review I've ever made.

CCCCCCRRRRAAAAAPPPPP! I've seen better homemade movies on YouTube.

With the notable exception of the excellent "Dark Kingdom," the SciFi Channel seems to have an aversion to original productions that don't insult its audience's intelligence. Self-aware combat robots decide to go into business for themselves after crashing on a tropical island that looks amazingly like Santa Barbara County. A commando team is sent in with the brainiac daughter of the scientist who created the critters, charged not with destroying but recapturing them. Complicating matters is a trio of cruise-ship robbers whose getaway helicopter happened to crash on the same island for the same reason (a sudden, unexpectedly huge tropical storm that the gods tossed in to add to the tension because it would be too much work to create it through the story). The machines resemble H.G. Wells's original fighting machines, with the embittered sociopathy of "The Terminator's" SkyNet & the opportunistic assimilation abilities shown in "South Park's" episode "Trapper Keeper." Bits & pieces of story elements that could be attributed to "Resident Evil," "Westworld" & any number of trapped-on-an-island-with-monsters movies serve to finish off any hint of originality. The CGI critter-machines are up to par, although they make annoying creaking noises like the Tin Man from "The Wizard of Oz." The other sets & props range from so-so to laughably cheap. The commandos are ludicrously incompetent, having received their patrolling, combat & weapons training from third-graders in some backyard. "Star Trek" icons George Takei (ex-Sulu) & Michael Dorn (ex-Worf) might have lent some interest but share no scenes together & have small, dispensable parts. "AI" violates one of the most basic rules in monster movies by both showing & describing the monster in the very first scene, leaving nothing more for imagination or anticipation. The same carelessness with the sets is given to the explanation of the monsters & the rationale for their misbehavior, although the word "matrix" is applied to them at least 3 times. Why does SciFi keep doing this to us? Is it because Michael Bay keeps getting away with making giant movies without plausible stories? Are we being collectively punished for our morbid fascination with Edward D. Wood, Jr.? Is there some secret proviso in Hollywood that prohibits the possession of a valid library card? I'd rather sit through a miniseries of all 39 sequels to "The Wizard of Oz" than see more of these. Uh-oh, better be careful what I wish for.