Mulva 2: Kill Teen Ape!

Well, either a Kill Bill spoof (which happens to be a sequel to the worst zombie flick in history) sounds like a swell idea to you, or it doesn't. If you absolutely must study up on this movie on IMDb, You might be better off reading one of the shorter, less biased, more realistic reviews. The thing is, I am a massive LBP fan, and I don't intend on ever giving a Seaver epic less than 10/10, regardless of how ridiculous the film may or may not be. So, if you're thinking now would be a good time to bail, It really might be for the best. No, really. I get it.

So, What exactly is a Mulva? Originally (in Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker!), Mulva was some random person Chris Seaver found to play the role of a ridiculously goofy, sugar-addicted female version of Pee Wee Herman, who is like fingernails on a chalkboard to anyone who can see or hear. A film which shockingly put Chris Seaver on the map. And none of the facts you just read has anything to do with this so-called sequel. Mulva 2: Kill Teen Ape apparently was not quite a big enough production for the rising star that was Mulva one. Not enough in the budget either, I suppose. That's OK, because Seaver's pal, the gorgeous, the legendary Debbie Rochon agreed to take over the role. So, how do you turn a hideously irritating, zombie ass kickin she beast into a Uma Thurman from Kill Bill ripoff. Easy. You just do it, and hope no one notices exactly how ridiculous of a concept this is. But seriously. The candy in which Mulva one prevented the zombies from stealing, was eventually stolen by Teenape. The David Carradine of the movie. Mulva is put into a coma for several years, to eventually awaken to find herself without the speech impediment, without all the other irritating qualities And she's lookin' fine. Because she's Debbie Rochon! Teenape has all sorts of thugs looking to take out Mulva. Most of which are LBP regulars. And good 'ol Mr. Bonejack even makes a cameo. I'm not gonna spoil this well-thought-out plot with too much ranting, but anything resembling a film is replaced by silliness, cheesiness, horrible acting, pop-culture references, John Stamos references, and of course gore. I'm certainly no expert, but a Kill Bill spoof is one of the most uncalled for things I could possibly think of. Perhaps Mulva one was right to decline. As usual, this LBP epic doesn't wear out its welcome, as its runtime is just over an hour. Plus, it was shot on a higher quality of video. That's pretty sweet, right? Since Mulva 2, Chris Seaver has churned out an endless amount of hilarious low budget Horror-comedies, such as Terror At Blood Fart lake, Teenape Goes To Camp and Taintlight. Plus, keep an eye out for Teenape vs. The Monster Nazi Apocalypse to be released by Troma, later this year. And what would eventually become of the original Mulva, you ask? Who knows? I don't really wanna know, to be perfectly honest. The considerate thing for Seaver to do would have been to give that thing back to its owner. Mulva one never belonged in front of a camera. Sadly, Chris Seaver's Low Budget Pictures recently went under. There are quite a few LBP epics waiting to be released. And there's even one waiting to be made. Mulva" Zombie Ass Kicker the remake. Now I have no idea what this film will be like, or who is even gonna play Mulva, but it will signify an end to an important era in the B-movie universe, and believe me when I say it's gonna be truly epic. I'm almost positive that a Mulva 2 remake is absolutely out of the question. But if that actually happened, I'd still give it 10/10.

Oh my goodness! Mulva awakens from a five-year coma and looks just like Debbie Rochon! In a parody of Kill Bill, she is now out to seek revenge on all those who stole her candy in Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker.

Yes, it is cheesy and ridiculous, but there are some really funny lines (I'm a porn star, for Gibson's sake.) and, hey, it's Debbie Rochon. She is fantastic and really shows her great range as she hams it up in this farce. It's worth the price of admission, just to see her beauty again.

Lots of blood (some of it looked suspiciously like water) and gore, but what kind of movie has lesbians and no lesbian action? Disappointing.

But, what is this John Stamos fetish?

Mulva is put in a sugercoma by Teen Ape. When she awakens she's considerably hotter (the parts played by Debbie Rochon in this sequel), and out for revenge on those that did her wrong. As the sub-title and box art implies this is indeed a take off on the "Kill Bill" films, but this being a Chris Seaver's film, it's a wildly incompetent satire (and I use that last term extremely loosely) I'd love to say this is better than the first film, but truth be told I was so impossibly drunk off my ass when I saw the previous film that I can't even hope to compare the two at this point in time. But I must have enjoyed it since I bought the sequel (see when I'm drunk I like, for lack of a better word, complete and total crappy movies) There are a few laugh out loud moments (very few) but I do remember Bonejack being funnier though. Well at least at slightly over an hour, it IS over mighty quickly for what it's worth.

My Grade: D+

DVD Extras: Audio commentary by Director Chris Seaver, actress Debbie Rochon, and the Lbp gang; Second commentary by Seaver; 31 minute Making of featurette; Lloyd Kaufman's 6 minute tribute to low budget pictures; Fake 2 minute syrup commercial; stills gallery; Promo trailer; and trailers for :Mulva", 'Quest for the Egg Salad", "Fiilthy McNasty"1, 2, & 3; "the Feral Man", "the Bonesetter", "Midnight Skater", "Demon Summer" & "Splatter Rampage Wrestling"

Although this is "better" than the first Mulva (which doesn't say much anyways, I would rather watch paint dry) it still sucks. Do yourself a favor and avoid anything from these Low Budget Pictures guys. I was suckered into buying a few dvds to support some indy filmmakers and boy did I regret it. Some haven't even been officially "released" yet (not bootlegs-bought from the filmmakers themselves) and I can't even list how bad they all are. Avoid anything with Teen Ape or Bonejack in them as they do pop up in other small indy films that they are friends with. If you are friends of these guys, chances are you were in their movies and had fun making them. But for those that had to watch them? No way. Bad video, bad audio, bad acting, bad plot...etc etc. These aren't even funny. I gave this one a 2 only because Debbie Rochon is in it and that is about it. Maybe it doesn't even deserve the 2. About a 1 1/16th star to show it was slightly better than the first (which I wish I could have rated in the negatives). If you want a decent no budget film, go pick up something from LBP's "friends" over at Freak Productions like Marty Jenkins or even Raising the Stakes. Those are actually decent.

The bad news is it's still really dreadful. I gave it a 2 because occasionally some of this kitchy slapstick parody actually seems funny.

It's supposed to be better than "Mulva, Zombie Ass Kicker", and progress should be rewarded. Or maybe I was drinking heavily when I watched it and felt generous. Whatever, "2" it is.

Maybe the best thing about this movie is that it's over pretty quick. It takes elements from most of Kill Bill I & II's key themes and fight scenes, hacks them up, dumbs them way down, dirties up the dialog, and squishes the whole mess into about an hour of truly awful amateur video.

You'd best smoke a lot of something powerful if you want to enjoy this one. And get this DVD back to the video store on time! You'll really hate yourself if you have to pay a late fee.