Meat Pie

Recipe for Meat Pie... Ingredients: Some incompetent film-making hobbyists, grand ideas blended with total delusion, crude jokes stolen from the nearest schoolyard playground, nonsensical material that's just plain unfunny... and a whole lot of egos, each convinced that he is in charge and an "expert".

Method: After writing woefully inept script, reject feedback from people who actually have a clue about writing. Remain convinced that this is "commercial hit" material. After unsuccessfully trying to recruit pure talent such as John Cleese, Bryan Brown and Michael Caton, or celebrities such as Steve Irwin, cast some washed-up comedians and former reality TV contestants. Cluelessly throw together a film with a camera from the local pawnbroker and await mocking from anyone unfortunate enough to catch a glimpse of the garbage

The world would be a happier, more enlightened place without this movie.

The plot of the film is so undeveloped that it would be better described as a premise - a guy gets his genitals removed by a mincing machine and gets a transplant from a black porn star.

Once the entire plot has been presented to us in the space of about three minutes, we have a long sequence where a number of out-of-place lowbrow jokes about everything that's funny if you're drunk. In fact, I'm wondering if the film makers were drunk when they wrote this, shot it, edited it.

The characters are very, very one-dimensional, generally limited to a single characteristic each. We've seen all these people in a dozen other movies, and relocating the little bit of 'action' there is to a pie shop in an obscure Australian town does not warrant a 'new' movie.

In the end, if you feel like having some simple, no-brains-required laughs and don't mind that the larger part of the movie is going to be bad, you might as well check this out. But don't say you weren't warned.

I'm all for freedom of expression, and would never deny someone the right to independently get a message across to film audiences. However this movie, an attempt at independent comedy, seriously stands in the way of other people having the chance to express themselves. It also demeans just about every group in society with its feeble attempts at humour, and insults viewers in the process. Seriously, who thinks audiences are going to be amused by jokes about masturbation, menstruation, penis transplants and various racist and homophobic slurs? The Australian film industry is struggling to find an identity, and, as much as I admire anyone with a mission to get some Australian product out there, films like this will only damage the industry's already-low reputation and stop real films with real messages getting the chance they deserve.

A delightful romp which will surely inspire the world to new heights of awesomeness. Well Done. Quite possibly the single most influential piece of literature in history. It will forever change the film world for the better. Congratulations to Ed Kavalee for a successfully convincing performance and realistic meat mincing scene. Could have used four extra montages.

A triumph of epic proportions. Nice crackle.

Guzzie Sampson

I love Rock 'n Roll underwear in the pants, and all over my hair. This is my tenth line, geezus what a ridiculous requirement. Kill Flanders, Kill Flanders, etc.

Barely watchable, possibly one of the worst films ever made. To the director I would say: get a real job.

It's not even funny bad like some old or dated cult flicks, it's just truly awful. Poorly crafted, derivative, unoriginal, amateurishly produced. Also borrows liberally from SBS TV's Pizza. If you are going to appropriate ideas, why not at least rip off something good?

I've seen first year film student projects that are far better than this waste of space.

One of the worst films I've ever seen by far.

You can watch the whole thing on YouTube, but I bet you won't sit through the first minute.