Tirante el Blanco

This film is unwatchable. I tried twice. I love stories like this, so was willing to give it a look. The costumes are spectacular. The acting is truly horrible across the board. It begins with the hero we see, who when he finally speaks has the squeaky high pitched voice of an obnoxious child. This is followed by a meeting with the king, and he is dressed to the nines. Immaculate and awesome king clothes. The actor stuffed inside of them must have been a relative of the director or an investor. His acting is that of one who has no idea, no idea at all. Given the spectacular sets and costumes, somebody had some money. Sometimes a film is just to bad to coherently review. The work that went into the sets and costumes makes the poor direction and acting confusing. You keep wanting to give it a chance because it looks delicious. I couldn't.

The film presents a highly fictionalized alternate history narrative of the events leading to the Fall of Constantinople . It tells the feats and adventures of Knight Tirant lo Blanc (Casper Zafer) from Turkey . In 1401, Tirant lo Blanc, a famous knight, arrives with his small but battle-hardened troops of Almogavars, to the port of Constantinople . Constantinople is under treat of a Ottoman invasion and therefore it is in desperate need of a skillful military leader . Tirante the knight is as committed to fighting the Turks in Constantinople as he is to relieving Carmesina, (Esther Nubiola) the heiress to the Byzantine Empire, of her virginity . Carmensina confides her love for Tirant to her guardian Ines, nicknamed the 'Placid Widow' (Victoria Abril) . Carmensina's friends and confidantes, her maidens: Pleasure-of-My-Life (Leonor Watling) and Estefanía (Ingrid Rubio) , think otherwise . Estefania, another lady-in-waiting, supports Tirant's affair with Carmesina because she has fallen in love with Tirant's right-hand man Diafebus (Charlie Cox) . Meanwhile, the Emperor (Giancarlo Giannini) and Empress (Jane Asher) contemplate that Constantinople stands no chance against a Turkish onslaught and sees their daughter's marriage to the Sultan as the sole way to accommodate him .

This lavish film contains impressive battles , love stories , erotica with a lot of nudism , luxurious costumes by Oscarized Yvonne Blake and historical events . This historical resemblance is also evident in the description of events occurring around Constantinople and the defeat of Sultan Mehmed II "the conqueror," and ultimately leading to the fall of Constantinople in 1453 . The script was written by Aranda and was shot in English, being based on hero Tirant lo Blanch, a Valencian language chivalry novel dating to 1490, written by Joanot Martorell . The plot is based on the later part of the Tirant book , and events leading to his involvement in Constantinople and afterwards. It tells the story of a medieval knight Tirant from Brittany who has a series of adventures across Turkey . The main characters are full of life and sensuous love, sarcasm , and human feelings . Emotive and sensitive score full of oriental and Arab chores by Jose Nieto , Aranda's ordinary . Colorful and glamorous cinematography by Jose Luis Alcaine , it was filmed in Madrid, Istanbul, Palermo, Granada, Huelva, Barcelona and Valencia . ¨Tirante El Blanco¨ or ¨The Maidens' Conspiracy¨ was spectacular and deliberately directed by recently deceased filmmaker Vicente Aranda .

Tirant lo Blanc is a romance written (1490) by Joanot Martorell , is the most famous chivalric romance in the Valencian language . It is one of the best known medieval works of Spanish literature and it tells the story of a medieval knight Tirant from Brittany who has a series of adventures across Europe in his quest. He joins in knightly competitions in England and France until the Emperor of the Byzantine Empire asks him to help in the war against the Ottoman Turks, an Islamic tribe of invaders threatening Constantinople, the capital and seat of the Empire. Tirant accepts and is made Megaduke of the Byzantine Empire and the captain of an army . He defeats the Turkish invaders and saves the Empire from destruction. Afterwards, he fights the Turks in many regions of the eastern Mediterranean and north Africa, but he dies just before he can marry the pretty heiress of the Byzantine Empire. The loss of Constantinople by Constantine XII to the Ottoman Empire in 1453 was considered at the time to be a major blow to Christian Europe. Miguel de Cervantes y Saavedra, author of the great Spanish classic "Don Quixote", thought very highly of "Tirant", in contrast to his unfavorable opinion of many other books of chivalry . In writing his novel, Martorell perhaps rewrote history to fit what he wanted it to be , which in a way makes it a precursor of the present-day genre of alternate history.

Oh boy! What a shameful experience. Stakes were high with this one. Four fine actresses on a 'Dangerous liaisons' type of film but somehow in the process everything witty and entertaining contained in this great novel of the 15h century was lost in translation.

The film gives no clue whatsoever if the tales being told have anything to do with some army in particular in some period of history or with the lord of the rings saga..

(Hint: the turks are the orks, and Tirant resembles Aragorn, though no Virgo Mortensen in sight just a lookalike). (Another hint: the standard flag of Tirant's side in battle scenes)

The film carries a solemnity that echoes through the halls and chambers of every step of flight of stairs of the palace in which the static action takes place. Can you hear my yawn from the aisles of the castle?

Esther Nubiola as Carmesina -the princess-, Ingrid Rubio as Estephania, Leonor Watling as Pleasureofmylife, Victoria Abril as the Peacefulwidow and Jane Asher as the queen do their best in trying to liven things up.

But the dead funeral air of Vicente Aranda's take at sex scenes won't make you have a hard on if it's not in the way of rigor mortis.

Magnificent costumes, dramatic locations, stirring music and elaborate sets for a tale of bravery and treachery, sex romps and romance among the lost splendours of Byzantium, under attack from the Turks in the 1400s.

The handsome and gallant knight Tirant (Casper Zafer), placed in charge of the armies of the Emperor (Giancarlo Giannini), hopes also to win his lovely daughter Carmesina (Esther Nubiola), who is willing in theory but hesitant in practice. The ladies of the court are full of wiles, both political and sexual, and a faction want to give her to the Turkish sultan (Rafael Amargo).

So the scene is set for battles under arms, battles of plot and counter-plot and many amorous battles around and in beds, involving lots of nudity and lively sex. Even the sardonic Empress (Jane Asher, who must have been pushing pension age but still looks lovely) strips off and seduces a handsome young squire (Sid Mitchell), muttering to her mirror that he could be her grandson.

Why isn't everybody entranced by the lush spectacle and adventurous story? I think the main reason is that to the ears of English speakers both the actual dialogue and the delivery of the dubbed speech often does not convince. Sometimes it is mock-medieval, which is very dangerous to write unless one's touch is perfect, and sometimes just uninspired. Ironically, it might work better in Spanish with subtitles.

Well, the story is based on the book "Tirant lo Blanc", written by Joanot Martorell in XIV century. Tirant is the best knight of Aragon Kingdom and must go to Constantinople to help the Emperor to fight against the Turkeys. There, he will fall in love with little princess Carmesina and will fight in the war. Unfortunately, things will not happen as our lovers like, as politics are between them. The movie is well done, the task of clothes and photography is very good, as the choice of actors and their acting. Unfortunately, as the movie focuses only in the bed aspects of court's live, the vision of the story is very partial (the story is not bad, but I think the director could have taken more profit of it), and, in addition, the war scenes are horrible. This is possibly due to lack of money, but, used to see Hollywood wars, the effect is terrible and disgusting. The material (the main book) is good, as the director, but the result could have been much better. I expected more of the director Vicente Aranda.