Gag

This movie wasn't bad enough to be funny. It was just incredibly painful to watch. But, it did hit the trifecta: 1) The actors CAN'T act to save their souls. 2) The script is just miserably awful. 3) The directing is just sad. Let's start with the set up for the film, two professional burglars break into a house and finding a guy tied up in a basement. The guy tied-up has obviously been beaten and/or tortured and may be dead. One of the burglars wants to leave thinking the guy tied might be dead, the other one refuses to leave until he has cracked open the safe and gotten the money that may be inside. WTF!!! If the police show, we all know who they'd blame. But, there's moron insisting they stay to get the money first and risk lethal injection. The movie goes downhill from there. The characters become infinitely more lame. The story goes from inane to irritating. And the pathetic script, combined with the inadequacies of the actors and director drag this movie down further. (Yes, it's possible for this movie to get worse). I'm convinced the high marks and lauding this movie is receiving is from people who are closely associated with the making of this film, or they are close friends of the people involved. Because this movie just sucked.

I pretty much watch all horror movies voraciously, and I LIKE my torture porn - right along with my psychological thrillers and good, old-fashioned slasher/monster flicks. With the recent lines of Saw and Hostel setting the bar for outrageous gore effects fairly high, I'm not surprised to see the lower budget movies struggling to keep up with the trend. Gag does use what budget it has effectively enough in its gore shots. They didn't skimp on the blood, and while some of the stunts were ridiculous, I'm not entirely sure they weren't intended to be.

It's a watchable film, but it drags. The writing and delivery of lines were often amateurish, which made the dialogue difficult to sit through at times. Had the death and torture sequences been more outrageous, it could have been truly shocking. Had they been a little more ridiculous, it could have been horrifyingly funny. Had they hired a different script writer, it might even have been clever. The end result is a sloppy movie that lacks commitment to be anything other than another low-budget fright flick with lofty ambitions and no follow-through. Worth a rental for genre fans, certainly, but not really worth a movie theater ticket - even at the matinée price. I'm not surprised it didn't get a general release.

I seriously don't intend to waste further time or too many words on the review for "Gag", because it's - simply put - a terribly bad and amateurish horror effort! We get it, Mr. Director, you watched "Saw" and you assumed you could do better? Since the birth and the tremendous success of the so-called "torture porn" sub-genre, many aspiring yet sadly untalented directors come up with their own idea for a sick and revolting torture tale. Most of these attempts are bad, but this "Gag" is beyond abysmal and doesn't feature one single positive aspect or redeeming quality. No wait, there is something good about this film, and that's its length! It lasted less than 80 minutes and I was grateful for that. Otherwise we're talking dire settings, lousy editing and lighting, excruciatingly painful acting performances and gratuitously cruel but unimaginative torturing methods & death sequences. "Gag" is so lame that it reuses the same dire plot-twist (if you can even call it that) twice, namely that a victim is mistaken for the culprit. Yawn! Do not watch, unless you are into self-torture.

It's rare that a film can offend you morally by sheer ineptitude alone. A movie wherein the act of watching somehow assumes an aura of ethical lapse is a rare and regrettable event. Spending two hours of your time watching "Gag" is an offense against nature. Time is far too valuable a commodity to spend any of it watching this sadistic, amateur, exploitative, unoriginal, clueless, poorly acted, ugly, cheap, offensive, nonsensical, and altogether boring film. And I like horror movies! Made without a modicum of either technical proficiency nor thematic clarity, Gag simply exists as a series of poorly executed, prurient torture scenarios loosely strung together by a ludicrous plot that steadfastly refuses to make sense. Almost atavistic in it's terribleness, Gag is impressively without one iota of taste or style...the total lapse of judgment by the filmmakers is a sort of negative genius. Saddest of all is that this terrible, disgusting story with it's crude and vile images is what these filmmakers thought would make an artistic statement. This is what they have to offer the world. Mean, ugly, and without redemption, Gag lacks any of the charming camp value that usually accompanies the worst of films. Marrying an utter lack of joy with the basest of imaginations and utter dearth of narrative understating, Gag's only redeeming feature is its title: it's utterly apropos.

Let me tell you, I have seen a lot of ShittyAss Movies in my day, but this one takes the F*cking cake. This whole movie is just a huge pot of A**. From beginning to end credits the whole movie is just bullshit. The plot is absolutely atrocious. The acting is just balls. Seriously, I wish I could meet the creators of this movie, and kick them in the nuts because I want my hour and 5 minutes back. Again, this whole movie is just horrible. For the love of God stay away from this movie, for I wish I had a time machine so that I could go back, and stop myself from ever renting this movie. If you receive this as a gift from someone, immediately set their house on fire, because they, for some reason, wish to cause you unbelievable, and unchangeable pain.

There really isn't anything good about this movie. The special effects F*cking suck. Really, they do. The cuts in between scenes are just horrible, and I have seen home movies that are directed better.

The plot is just the s*it topping on the already steaming pile of nothing that this film is. Without giving too much away for you, two burglars break into some guys house to allegedly find a safe. There, they find some bodies, and are then taken hostage.

This is one of the main parts that just pisses me off. A guy gets handcuffed with those metal toy handcuffs you buy at a toy store. You can see the F*cking release switch, and he gets cuffed to a pole that is about a quarter inch thick. Any A**hole with half a brain, even in an indie horror flick, could get out of that.

Then, it gets worse.

There is a complete 10 minute scene in which the main character is chased around this strange house, completely blindfolded.

Seriously, What the F*ck.

I can understand villains in horror movies being stupid, but he is outsmarted by someone who is handcuffed, blind, and in a house he has never been in before. Then to top it all off, he locks himself in a bathroom with a swinging door.

I'm not going to spoil anything, all of this can be seen on the DVD itself, and I should have known, but what the F*ck. I can't believe that I actually paid money to view this.

Do yourself a huge favor, and for the love of God stay as far away from gag as humanly possible.