Tiburón: el comienzo

...you know you must be watching a United Film Orginization production. Rarely does a film contain so many inappropriate elements. The score is far too jazzy, character's expressions are frequently out of place, and the spit-and-polish general is not nearly spit-and-polish enough(his name tag is lop-sided, his ribbons out of order). It is never fully explained why the air force has jurisdiction over killer sharks, although it is quite likely that the studio had surplus uniforms and decided to go with what they had to save money. In addition, there are precious few actual shark attacks. Is the movie bad? Yes, but it was at least somewhat entertaining.

Once a horror (or creature feature) fan has seen Jaws, they have seen the ultimate creature feature with a shark as the antagonist. Orca was awesome in places (and is not a shark, obviously), but Jaws is the epitome of a masterpiece creature feature. It stands comfortably alongside The Creature From The Black Lagoon, and represents some phenomenal film making skills.

This work, on the other hand, attempts to bring the "mad scientist" ploy into a cheap, slip-shod version of Jaws, attempting to class with the Invisible Man, Frankenstein, or even Bats. Sadly, it does not measure up, even to Bats.

There are multiple problems with this work. The main problem I found (and there ARE many) is the simple lack of kills, on screen or off. However, a close second is the painfully wretched writing, and an even closer third is the utter lack of acting talent featured within this flick. Fahey is the best here...what does THAT tell you? Further, dialog delivery is so plastic it goes to cement somewhere after the first 20 minutes. And speaking of plastic, once you get a load of these characters, you'll completely understand the tone of this review. These characters are less than one-dimensional! Nothing about them is believable. Every single aspect of this work breaks the suspension of belief trust any good movie must engender.

More importantly, I feel, is that the believability is utterly destroyed once the premise is introduced. Sharks are not capable of being "trained and taught" as featured in this work. That's why the government used dolphins in their earlier debauchery in the first two World Wars, so the whole thing falls apart and leaves the viewer hanging there in the conundrum of a wholly unbelievable story, terrible acting, and poorly done sharks.

SO poorly done were the sharks, in fact, that even the FINS, which is basically all you see except for 3 or 4 times total, look like shiny plastic triangles. They didn't even bother to paint these things to make them look as if they had any texture whatsoever! All in all? This was pretty sad and a huge disappointment, as I love creature features! Even straight-to-video films can be entertaining, but this didn't offer a single moment of entertainment. Every single aspect of this work breaks the suspension of belief trust any good movie must engender. This film fails on all levels and really isn't worth your time.

It rates a 0.4/10 from...

the Fiend :.

While I agree with most of what has been said about this movie, the statement of 2 deaths is false. I saw three before i had to turn it off. Yes there was the two construction men, but what about the sorority bitch at the beginning? Did the commenter forget about her? that would make 3 before the explosion one. Cricket Selna was about the only good thing about this movie from what i saw. and yes i am biased cause she is a friend from college and now i am 4 step from Kevin Bacon but that is besides the point.

This movie is good to MST3K, have a laugh, if you can handle it.

That is about all i have to say about that. So yeah, if you have any problems with this comment, deal. It is difficult to make this movie recommendable to anyone, but i am trying to be good and not totally trash it.

Blue Demon (2004)

1/2 (out of 4)

Incredibly horrid film has an interesting storyline but nothing gets done with it. The government creates some computer controlled Great White sharks to protect the shores from terrorists but the computer crashes and sets the sharks free to kill anyone they want. Dedee Pfeiffer plays the lead scientist and doesn't offer anything to the film and even Jeff Fahey is wasted. The film should have been a lot better but instead of focusing on the story the director goes all over the map by making everything so over the top that you can't take anything serious. Another problem is a stupid love story between two of the scientists. The CGI effects are amongst the worst I've ever seen and the handmade effects are even worst. Whatever you call the part of the shark that sticks up out of the water looks so incredibly fake. You can tell at times it's just a piece of cardboard or something to that nature.

OK, i'm still watching this joke as i type, but GOOD LORD, it's bad, as in 'don't watch it' bad. some lightweight extreme reasons lead to me needing/wanting to watch this. i would have left this film alone and not bothered with a comment, until one scene that made me NEED(?)to review. i won't bother explaining the scene, if you've got this far you'll understand. perhaps if you're damned enough to be in the same position you'll understand, i only hope you'll never be! this has been a movie i've kept an eye on as a 'maybe' for a few weeks and now, it seems, is the time. i've been put here on my own since nobody will take on the task with me. understand this, it's free and i still had to ENDURE it on my own. i say again, i'm STILL watching the (lack of) beast! not even for free. OK? not even for free! unless you're weird and drinking at 5am!NOT EVEN FOR FREE!