Cerberus

I found the dialogue, particularly Emmanuelle Vaugier's, very hard to follow. The whole movie was pathetic. I forced myself to watch it all, believing that it would improve.

All the actors in this movie are very experienced (based on their filmographies), so you'd expect they would be able to make something out of a very trite and superficial script.

The special(?) effects were hardly believable - When people lost limbs, it reminded me of the Bridge scene between King Arthur and the Knight from Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

Not even the eye candy made up for it.

S10 Rating: * * 'Cerberus' is a pretty typical SciFi Channel presentation. An interesting premise of the infamous mythical three-headed dog protecting a sword that render the possessor invincibility. The sword was used bu Attila the Hun so that explains his conquering of the little people of his time. As usually a nefarious scheme is hatched by an equally nefarious madman who then sends some mercenaries to grab the little party favor. Of course the lead merc enjoys his taste of power and commences to do his thing while the good guys and girl deal with the dog and now the greedy merc turned madman. Oh the joys of paint-by-numbers made-for-TV cinema. The acting was ho-hum and the direction is plain. The effects were bad as you'd expect but for whatever reason I found it still watchable.

The kind of thing you would expect for a low budget straight to DVD (Or Sci-fi channel) release. Basically the only reason anybody would watch this movie is to see a big three headed dog chomping on people. It doesn't deliver on that front as much one would hope, particularly in the first half which involves some pretty dull action stuff as our bland heroes and cookie cutter villains search for a magic sword (The sword of Mars, which apparently belonged to Attila the Hun if you're that interested). Things liven up a bit in the second half when the dodgy CGI Cerberus shows up and one of the bad guys gets hold the invulnerability granting sword.

The plot is pretty dumb as one would expect. The level of intelligence you can expect from this movie is evident from the first scene which involves a robbery of museum in eastern Europe by the bad guys involving guys jumping through skylights with machine guns and grappling to the ground. I somehow doubt the level of security in a place like that is such that it would necessitate such an elaborate armed robbery. I guess the makers just thought it would make a cool action opening- It doesn't. As mentioned this is low budget stuff and the makers don't quite have the flair to get past such limitations and most the action sequences in the movie, particularly the gun battles in the first half are of Walker: Texas Ranger quality. An ancient breastplate which is stolen from the museum is supposed to be essential in leading to the magic sword but later on in the film our heroes manage to do so easily without it. In fact, given the importance placed on the sword in terms of archaeological and mythological magic value this presumably much sought after artifact is found very easily and quickly. The other notably dumb plot aspect of this movie is the subplot involving a North Korean general with some nukes. I have no idea why this subplot was added, other than perhaps to try and increase the stakes but it adds nothing to movie and really seems out of place. You won't have to look very far to find lots of other bits of stupidity in this film but hey it's got a big 3 headed killer dog.

The characters and the actors playing them are a boring lot. The script seems like it was written by a twelve year old, complete with lame comedic banter between our hapless heroes which is so feeble and unfunny that nobody would even bother to laugh at the jokes at the end of a Scooby-do episode. There is not a lot of personality to spare between our leads. The male lead of course has a clichéd 'history' with the lead baddie who he used to serve with in the military. The female lead is the standard could pass for a supermodel scientist/archaeologist who is perfectly groomed and made up, even after hours of crawling around in dusty tunnels and who despite her supposed intelligence acts pretty stupidly.

The cheesiness it delivered upon though. There are some fun scenes of the oh so fake CGI doggy tearing people up and some of the stuff with the sword wielding and now invulnerable baddie going on a rampage (All a bit Highlander really)is fun. They even manage to include such clichés as copulating teens getting killed by the beastie in one completely unnecessary scene and, I swear to god, a scene with a mob of European villagers with burning torches and at least one pitchfork. There was potential for a better movie here with the somewhat interesting mythology and the cool monster but this was a strictly paint by numbers, heartless product.

Oh yeah, how the hell is Cerberus meant to return the sword back to Attila's tomb after it has killed anyone who took it?

This movie could have been fairly good. I wasn't expecting something spectacular, but there was, I think, potential for it to be quite good. Unfortunately, this movie turned out to be just awful. The first thing that jarred me was the camera work. The acting, editing, special effects and camera work were all just terrible. I'm not one to usually pay particular attention to things like editing and camera work, but those elements were so bad they stood out to me very quickly. As a result, I was often distracted from what was happening in the movie. As I said, I wasn't expecting a masterpiece, but I was severely disappointed by this movie. I would not personally recommend it to anyone. I didn't find one redeeming factor in this movie.

A lot of sci-fi movies have been made lately, some okay, some terrible, and overall better than the badly scripted ones of the prior three decades. This one had all the better elements of B movie sci fi. A lot of adventure, a cheesy but likable plot, cheesy but likable characters, action, character, atmosphere, and well written and played humor in the right spots. The plot is made to be so hokey that we know this is supposed to be an unbelievable situation, so you have to accept this unbelievable world much as you would a Tolkien world. The unbelievability is more in line with a Bond world, however. If you like Bond movies, you would probably relish this movie. The sword of a Hun leader (the most famous one of course), is stolen from the Roman God of war, Mars, and guarded by the Greek three headed dog, Cerebus, in a village straight out of the Bavarian-Romanian Dracula type movies. So clearly, the writers had a ball putting this together, and no one is expected to take it seriously. Just sit back and enjoy the fun. The lead characters are very extreme, much like James Bond characters, but though the roles are unbelievable, the motivations and actions of the characters ring true in their predicaments. Each of the minor characters is presented with a bit of witticism, mystique, and integrity. No one is a wimp in this movie. And the decisions of the characters are well timed in credibility, which makes this a superior B movie. There are some great humorous moments, such as the bit when the girl suggests using the method of Orpheus to combat the dog beast. And we all know what the other characters think when she suggests a lyre. One of the best scripted pieces done in science fiction. This is what some of the more celebrated and high budget movies wanted to be, but failed. Entertaining and likable.