Día de los muertos

I just watched this chunk on Sci Fi and it's just about as bad as you might expect. The story might have worked if it weren't so talky and unimaginative. Everything on Sci Fi is talky but this has the most annoying lead character ever. And is sounds to me like they have encouraged him to improvise...not a good idea. Then, when things seem unbearable, more bad acting comes along with his friends. There is no mood, or pacing, it drags and stumbles and it makes one wonder if anyone was actually supervising this dog. The zombies have okay make up but who cares when you hate the people they are trying to eat. And their are probably six action scenes in the whole thing. It reminds me of a kids at cowboys and Indians where the storytellers don't have any concept of the audience. Who is the audience anyway. I blame sci fi for this one, it seems like their only criteria somewhat high production values and a David Keith. I say check out Bloody Bill if you want this story done better.

Vargas (Danny Trejo) sells out the people of the town he's a despot of when he lets them all get blown up in exchange for immortality. Fast forward 50 years and we find a family complete with sexy slutty daughter and asshole son who stops at the aforementioned town to check into a inn after a long day of traveling only to never check out. Fast forward yet another 50 years, and we're introduced to another couple who's car brakes down so they have to stay at the same inn To say that this film is disjointed is putting it mildly. To say the only actors worth anything at all (Trejo, Jeffrey Combs) are all underused in this movie, is a travesty. Writer Mark Altman sandwiched this film in between House of the Dead and House of the dead 2, and if that, my friends, doesn't say everything about what to expect from this movie, I don't know what else to say. You know what? I may have not liked Director Kasten's previous "the Attic Expeditions", but that film, as bad as it may be, still runs circles around this one.

My Grade: D

Eye Candy: Danielle Burgio and Mircea Monroe provide the T&A, while Marisa Ramirez only shows her breasts

During a day of the death celebration in Mexico a young couple get stuck in small Mexico town.

Very badly done b-horror movie with horrible badly-done zombies.

OK so the only reason I even considered seeing this film was because I discovered Ellie Cornell was in it. I love her in Halloween 4 and 5 and than she took a very long break and came back with a very monotone performance in ultra trashy camp fest House of the dead. So I fgured she was in it and could ensure the film some laughs. Sadly, she's only in the first ten minutes though. but the film manages to be unintentionally funny on it's own and in some respects just not that bad. Besides the fact that the characters are dumb as doornails the film features a decent premise, an attractive cast and some good makeup. The direction is pretty bad, but the cinematography and score are surprisingly confident. A young couple on the way to a family gathering get into a small accident in a small town in Mexico. They become stranded there when they find a tortured young woman and their car won't start. they are instructed to stay at the town's hotel for the night while the day of the dead celebration commences. yada-yada- yada. Their friends come and the dead come to life. Nothing to original with a decent crypt- esquire twist. But You've gotta love the hammy dialogue and acting especially between the women in this film, or the old woman with a crazy axe. For the film's biggest laugh check out the blonde girl's escape from the house. Pure camp here people, love it or hate. It is what it is.

You know, you have to work hard to turn out a "movie" (and I use the term loosely) this bad. And the Sci-Fi Channel has managed to do it a number of times, raising again the question of whether they are farming out their writing and directing duties to family members...or perhaps family pets.

This particular stinker was advertised as a zombie movie, and eventually they did have a few zombies bumbling around, albeit completely illogically and with the rules of their existence changing every 30 seconds as apparently a new hack writer (or perhaps Fluffy the family chihuahua) took over to further mangle this drivel. To say that it was a complete and utter mess, and a magnificently boring one at that, would be an understatement.

The plot, what there is of it, is completely nonsensical and bounces randomly around from one idea to the next blowing holes in itself left and right. Its as if they were making it up as they went along, and were very drunk through the whole process and kept on forgetting their train of thought. And that of course is what always bothers me the most about these turds the Sci-Fi channel turns out -- a lack of money can perhaps explain flat acting or laughable special effects, but the complete lack of coherence on some of these clunkers is just embarrassing.

The casting is bizarre as well, with a random collection of rookies, a veteran character actor, and one of Sci-Fi's wooden stock actors (David Keith) hilariously playing a man who would have to have been at least 60-65 (based on a completely pointless early flashback). The hilarious part? Keith is 50, and looks 40-45. But they randomly insert him in a pointless and nonsensical part apparently completely unaware of how old his character had to be based on their own "plot", and not even bothering with silly things like makeup. Or logic. They also feature an old woman, who again according to their own timeline would have to have been at least 130. And we won't even get into the complete forehead-slapping resolution of the bad guy's character. If the movie hadn't beaten me into my own drooling stupefied zombie-trance by that point, I might have found the whole mess hilarious. Maybe.

I still think this has to rank a half step behind "Skeleton Man" as the all-time worst clunker the Sci-Fi channel has turned out. But it gave it a good effort. Some movies are so bad they wrap around and become entertaining. Not this thing -- its just horrible and deadly boring to boot. Should not even qualify for moviedom at all, but just amateur hour. Bad amateurs too. So just a warning -- no matter how pathetic your life is, no matter if you are imprisoned for life in Siberia and your only other entertainment option is watching 24 hour reruns of transvestite midgets dancing the macarena, there is simply no conceivable way I can recommend ANYTHING in this movie to anyone. Do your brain a favor and save two hours of your life. Watch paint dry. Count the number of hair follicles on your dog's tail. Do SOMETHING, anything else but damage your eyes watching this garbage.