Minotauro

In this take on the Minotaur story, Tom Hardy is cast as Theseus (called "Theo" for some reason), shipped off to the snowy shores of the Mediterranean to be stuck in labyrinth beneath the palace of Tony Todd.

I appreciate the effort to recast the Greek legend as a modern horror story about some hot teenagers wandering around in a cave with a gigantic bull seeking to kill them. As someone who actually read these stories and return to them occasionally, I am annoyed by the changes which serve no purpose. Why change the number of proposed sacrifices, and how often? Yes, I know. This movie was not made for me. Perhaps the changes render the story more meaningful to its intended audience on the Sci-Fi Channel in some manner I do not understand.

If you ever find yourself in conversation with Tom Hardy at some cocktail party (one can dream), Minotaur is the film you bring up to both flabbergast and embarrass him, if only for your own amusement. It's one of those low budget sword & sorcery schlock-fests that the SyFy channel used to broadcast at two in the morning on sleepy Saturday nights, to serve as background noise for whatever hedonistic shenanigans are going on in the living room. It's Tom's first ever starring role, and therefore should never be forgotten, like those old camcorder tapes of kids learning to ride sans training wheels for the first time. The story borrows from the legend, adding its own lurid, t&a soaked flair that only SyFy can get just right. Tom plays the son of a Viking chieftain (a brief Rutger Hauer), who goes looking for his true love, one among a few of the village's youngsters who get kidnapped every year by a freaky pseudo African tribe of weirdos who sacrifice youths to the mythical Minotaur, residing in rocky catacombs beneath their city's surface. Led by supreme weirdo Deucalion (Candyman's Tony Todd, hamming up every scene), who fervently wants to impregnate his own hot sister (chill, dude), and oversees this theatrical occult ritual with obscene relish. This is one of those creature features where you barely see the beast for the first two thirds of the film, save for a quick snaggle of fur or fang rushing by in the shadows, and suspiciously looking like a bearskin rug cello taped to antlers and a hobby horse. Hardy does get an eventual confrontation with the Minotaur late in the game and deep in the maze, providing a few schlocky moments that are worth the ride, but it's silly stuff most of the time, scraping the bottom of a barrel that does lower than the maze of the bull. Totally tagging Tom in thee blog post though in hopes that he sees this and it brightens his day just a bit.

Welcome to the CITIZEN KANE of Sci-Fi Channel movies. Not that MINOTAUR is faultless. It's just competent on so many more levels than your average Sci Fi-Schlock Fest that it appears great in comparison.

We have some actual acting going on. Granted, there is some great scenery chewing, but it's on a grand scale. There are some good effects. There are some epic looking landscapes and the occasional set. And the script and direction are actually acceptable.

On the down side, there's the same CGI overkill that seems to haunt every Sci Fi monster flick. Thankfully, this is kept to a minimum. We're also stuck in the same labyrinth/cave sets for way too long. And every so often I couldn't help feeling that plot points were being cribbed from a Terry Jones film.

But these are minor quibbles. There's some attempt here to breathe life into the monster on the loose genre. Not bad at all.

I watched this movie expecting to be disappointed and bored to tears, but I was actually quite entertained.

The writers use the legendary Minotaur to create a new mythology around the beast for this film. The monster is created by a people who worship the bull and wished to have a living god. Interestingly, they chose to make the Minotaur white, no doubt to give props to the original myth.

The plot is fairly predictable, but with enough surprises and suspenseful moments to keep it interesting. The characters stay true to being primitive, ancient people. They are simple and their reactions are less than logical, but many horror movies have been built on bad reactions to scary things. The characters lack depth, but I don't think it's inappropriate considering the nature of the film.

The Minotaur itself is well put together. The effects are simple, but not bad. As I was watching I wasn't thinking about how poorly done the effects were or how much better they could've been. In other words, the effects didn't detract from the film without being devoid of effects--a rare thing in movies of this caliber.

The movie begins with an overview of the mythology for the film and sets up the plot very quickly. The rest of the movie takes place in the labyrinth and the palace above it where we encounter bizarre hedonists in a brother/sister prince and princess combo.

The movie is not terrible, nor spectacular. All in all, it was a treat for me to see someone use the Minotaur in a film.

Years ago, the people grew so greedy and hedonistic that they were no longer satisfied with worshiping a mythical god, so the Queen had sex with a bull and produced the Minotaur. Didn't turn out so good, a few deaths were involved, and the creature was placed in a labyrinth beneath the palace. Now every third year eight people are cast into the labyrinth as a sacrifice.

This had surprisingly high production values for a Sci-Fi original. All the sets were quite nicely done, and even the Minotaur looked very good. On the bad side, the characters just didn't have much character, nor screen presence, and it got pretty boring towards the middle. The worst part was that, when trapped in a series of caves with a killer critter, what would a person do? Perhaps be quiet so as not to attract the attention of the beast? Not these folks. The main character especially seems almost incapable of grasping the situation; He yells at the top of his lungs on numerous occasions. Once, the Minotaur is only a few feet away and the guy still can't shut up. He's also convinced that his girlfriend, who was sacrificed three years earlier, might still be alive somehow. I couldn't quite figure out how anyone could be so dumb as to believe such a thing. There's also a woman who screams a lot - not just a regular scream, but a long, long scream. Maybe ten seconds in duration. That's a real joy to listen to.

Two of the more entertaining characters are the high priest and priestess who are in charge of the kingdom. The priest likes smoking from a bull skull, and wants to get it on with the priestess. Seeing that she's his sister, she's rather cool on the idea, and jumps into the labyrinth as well. She's about the only interesting person down there. And one of the few people who speaks in such a manner that you can understand her. I missed a lot of mumbled dialog in this movie, but I don't think it served much purpose anyway.

Overall, I think the Sci-Fi Channel may be getting a little better at movie making (they've certainly had enough practice). This one was almost good.