Bite Me!

The first thing that comes to mind when thinking of a Brett Piper film is that we are going to divulge the next hour or so into a stop motion monster fest. You like what Ray Harryhausen did for the genre back in the KONG KONG and CLASH OF THE TITAN days? Then I think you might like what the ole Piper boy can do himself. If you don't mind the gratuitous violence and sex appeal. I'm pretty sure you don't.

Some crazy killer weed is being shipped to a strip club where it will soon be distributed amongst the drug induced culture. But before it gets to the club, the first of the carriers get into a little trouble with some sort of spider attack. They seemed to have crept there way out of the crates containing the weed and onto the unsuspecting victims. The next pick up grabs the weed from the now deceased delivery guys and off to the strip club it goes which now a corrupt little weasel gets his hands into it to soon make a quick buck, not knowing what he really is getting his greasy little paws into. Before we get into the bug problem, the strippers Crystal (Misty Mundae), Amber (Caitlin ross), and Teresa (Julian Wells) are over over worked. To the point that Amber passes out while doing a cute and tiresome routine. Teresa is a bumbling goof ball that trips over her own 2 feet. The bar is a little in the slow. The ladies are tired and now the show needs a little pizazz. Well, lets bring in the shipment and now the fun begins. The critters are escaping and chaos ensues. The DEA gets involved since the owner is such a crook, but what he gets himself into is a whole other story. Well, not really but what happens to him is a surprise also. Bugs, boobs, jokes and laughs and a little bit of the goopy red sauce for the extra goodness.

I like to say that this would be another viewing for sure. Funny, gory and just plain cool with Brett's stop motion goofiness. The cast does a pretty good job strippin and having there way with the bugs. The only thing I found kind of a rip was the exterminator (Rob Monkiewicz of ARACHNIA and SCREAMING DEAD) playing a direct rip off of the UPS guy on Mad TV. Total rip, a little to obvious but still funny none the less. Usually he plays the serious, good call. It looks pretty flawless this time around with the stop motion. In ARACHNIA, it seemed way to cheap. Almost can't see the seems most of the time in this. Great job on that one.

A documentary, How to crash a car in 2 hours featurette, rue Morgue's Festival of Fear world premier screening (I was looking for myself in it but to no avail), Making movies with Misty, CKY video, CKY mini documentary, Booklet and more. This is surely a great bang for your buck if you are weary of cheap films. Kind of cheap but not on a Sub Rosa Studios cheapness. This is great compared to those. Long live the bugs!!!!

'Bite Me!' was great fun watching, I enjoyed every minute if it! Every character is achieving the opposite of what he/she intends to, that is the formula of the comedy effect. The manager of the club tries to organize everything, but gets mad over the whole chaos instead. Buzz the Exterminator loves insects too much to hurt them. The dancers are too tired to dance. And the lady who wants to ruin the manager becomes an attraction of his club instead. Well, for a short time at least. Only the bugs are good at what they are doing: bite! Even if the side-effects are remarkable...

While everyone else would have used a guy in a suit to play the bug monster guy, Brett Piper used stop-animation for that, too, which is an amazing piece of work. Coincidentally, I made some stop-animation student films in the 1980s myself on 8mm film and know how much time, patience and care a few seconds of such a scene take, which is why hardly anyone still uses that technique anymore. Fortunately, exploitation flicks sometimes have a lot more to offer than just the female anatomy bits and buckets of blood. Not that I'm about to complain about either of these two, though... It's bug for the buck.

Where to start on this one? It is a "horror" film that aspires for camp, and never takes itself seriously. At all. Nothing is worse than a movie that aims for camp and misses. This one misses, but not by a wide mark. It almost makes it. The bug effects are cheesy, and the filmmakers know it. (I still found them creepy, but I am a major arachnophobe. To anyone else, they're just kind of bad.) I considered this to basically be a T & A movie with the comic horror grafted on to have something going on between nude scenes. The T & A aspect of the film was much better than I thought it would be. First, since the setting is a strip club, much of the nudity is of strippers on stage, which is one of the least erotic ways to portray female skin. But it really was better than you would think, partly because they weren't really playing it "straight" in these scenes, but sort of playing it for chuckles. Second, as anyone who reads a lot my reviews would know, (NOTE: I would find it shocking, and a bit disturbing, if there were any such person) I have been on a long anti-silicone crusade. Ladies, those big stiff, spherical mounds of minerals are UGLY!!! Most or all of the boobies on display here are natural-looking and beautiful. Yes, they may not be DDD's, but IMHO, are a hundred times prettier than, say, Julie Strain's. Misty Mundae is really pretty and sweet-looking, if not the best actress in the world. And especially pretty was Erika Smith. I'd like to see both of them get chances in better movies. The three main male characters were silly, attempted campy, way-over-the-top, messes. If you're going to check this one out, do so for the pretty girls, not the horror or the camp. You'll be much less disappointed.

this film is rubbish... campy is OK, but bad campy is a sin. the thing that makes this film really unforgivable is the attitude of it's star misty mundae who seems whiny and spoiled on her interview. you would think she had talent if you saw her interview. some have said that the nudity at least redeems the film, however the nudity is C rate also. the film just sucks and it totally misses the mark. the director seems like he doesn't have any artistic feel for even making a bad film, which i guess there is an art to everything. furthermore, the actresses come across very ignorant in there blind backing of the film with statements like "yeah i hate CG it looks so bad, stop animation is so much more real"... get off it you are giving indie films a bad rep and making us look dumb. i think they might not even know what CG is they just where told to say that. ps the stop animation is called antiquated for a reason.

When it comes to cheap horror/exploitation quickies, writer-director Brett Piper is about as good as it gets. His films tend to be hokey and trashy but they always have a real sense of humor and a unique feel that sets them above the competition. He's one of very few low-budget schlock filmmakers who can pull off deliberately campy dialogue in a way that can make you smirk along with him instead of rolling your eyes in embarrassment, the reaction most horror-comedies tend to get. As was the case with much of his previous work, BITE ME! Is very silly and unrealistic but is fun to watch because of a playful attitude and a witty awareness of its own lack of class. A crate of chemically treated marijuana is delivered to the surly manager of a pathetically seedy, out-of-the-way strip club with a juvenile dinosaur theme. The abrasive manager is a funny character who reminded me of Moe Syszlak from THE SIMPSONS. Stop-motion animated mutant spiders the size of cell phones come crawling out and start attacking his funny, talentless would-be exotic dancers, growing bigger as they suck blood and leaving their victims pumped up with a venom that has a cocaine-like effect. We never find out anything much about the little beasts or their exact origin, but the goofy cast's hysterical reactions to them make for pretty entertaining viewing. Most of the acting is pretty terrible, but the cast seem to be having so much fun with the sleazy material that it's easy to get caught up in the shenanigans. A dimwitted exterminator who reminded me of Otto the bus driver on THE SIMPSONS only makes things worse when he sprays the creatures with pesticide, which makes them instantly grow to even larger sizes. The only character whose presence constantly threatens to spoil the fun is a deranged, screaming, violent DEA agent played by an actor who is too young for the role and whose ridiculous characterization goes embarrassingly overboard in the direction of parody anyway. With the help of some substandard CGI work combined with substandard stop-motion, he eventually morphs into a great looking humanoid spider monster with extra pairs of pincer-equipped arms and huge bug eyes. It's an imaginative creature and makes for a good climactic battle sequence in spite of the shabby (some would say endearingly shabby) effects work. Nothing in BITE ME! Is ever believable, from the skinny little butt-kicking tough girls to the silly mafia type chick with the "New Yawk" accent to the dopey strip club patrons and their cheesy fight scenes, but realism clearly wasn't the point here. If you can put your brain on hold for an hour and a half, you ought to have some fun with this one, much like its participants so obviously did. It's dumb, yes, but it's what would be described sy some as "a hoot".