El verdadero Santa

A movie never meant to be taken seriously, but oh so enjoyable if you've a mind to. I mean, come on, GOLDBERG is SANTA!!! I f you're looking for a friendly, family-oriented Christmas movie, do NOT watch this. A carnage filled Christmas delight, though mostly oriented towards the "guy" movie type. Goldberg has some great one liners and I have to say that I look forward to seeing him in other films because of this one. An actor or a film that doesn't take itself too seriously is what we need more of these days. People take themselves too seriously. And apparently this is too short to post. Death. Mayhem. Santa. Satan's offspring.

It's not that kind of slayer movie with a psycho dressed in a Santa costume, but a fantasy horror comedy with the "real" Santa Claus who is actually a demon that lost a bet with an Angel in ancient times.

Because he lost the bet, he must be a good guy and give presents to kids for Christmas, but after 1000 years he has the right to get back to his evil habits and now he suddenly becomes a slayer Santa.

The movie is really interesting and entertaining. Even if there are a lot of sadistic killings, they are not scary and would never be dangerous to kids. So let them watch this movie without restrictions.

I give it a 10 out of 10 for the very well done black humor.

One of the greatest Christmas movies EVER! Up there with Scrooged and Die Hard. I rented this film with my buddies on a lark. We were expecting to laugh at how bad it was but we were amazed to find that we were actually laughing at all the right parts. Actually we were laughing the entire way through. We kept having to ask each other what that last line of dialog was because we missed it. Great gags, some fantastic cameos, and a Jewish wrestler playing Santa Claus.

I'd only hold two things against it, those being: (1) the lead actor (Douglas Smith) - he was a little weak and (2)the CG could've benefited from some more expense. Otherwise this is a brilliant film. Santa's Slay is the first film to honor the truly great sport of curling. A flying bison, Goldberg, strippers, and Caulk jokes. Plus swearing children and swearing old ladies. A new holiday tradition.

Santa's Slay is a horror/holiday movie. I do not think I have heard of a horror movie starring Santa Claus and, while it is not necessarily a bad idea, there is a reason it is straight-to-video. With that in mind, this was better than I would have thought.

It seems as if Santa Claus (Bill Goldberg) is actually a demon who lost a bet to an angel. Because of the bet, Santa now had to be nice and deliver gifts to the children of the world for 1000 years. It turns out that last year was year one thousand and now Santa is pretty upset and taking it out on innocent families.

Nicholas (Douglas Smith) is a teenager who has taken after his grandfather and is not particularly fond of the Christmas holidays. Soon, it is revealed to Nicholas how Santa came about by his grandfather. Since Santa has, for some reason, targeted Nicholas, he and his girlfriend, Mary (Emilie de Ravin), take it upon themselves to destroy the Christmas demon.

Goldberg was a unique choice to play Santa Claus. He is not exactly what I would expect in a Santa Claus but it turns out to be a great decision. Turns out Santa is buff and resembles a biker. Also, his "reindeer" is played by a buffalo and looks pretty bad ass. It matches Goldberg perfectly.

Some of the special effects were pretty cool and just as many were pretty hokey. I wish directors would not even consider the blue/green screen as an option if you plan on making a decent movie.

Basically, you already know if this is the type of movie for you. If you liked movies such as Uncle Sam, Frost or any other B-Movie that is similarly cheesy, then you will most likely enjoy Santa's Slay, too. If you are the type of person that finds faults in any movie and are hard to please, then skip it. It won't be worth your time. 6.5/10

It turns out there were 2 Immaculate Conceptions: One was Jesus and one was Santa Claus. One day, Santa loses a bet with an angel and must play nice for 1000 years (this part was told in stop motion animation). Well, his punishment is up and he's here to wreck havoc. Only an old inventor, his grandson "Nicholas Yuleson", and girlfriend "Mary" (played by Emilie de Ravin) can stop him.

This film takes a fun look at the Holidays with the blackest of black humor. It opens with Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart, Fran Drescher, and James Caan getting slaughtered by Santa. There are countless of other cameos strewn throughout the movie. Oh, and did I mention that WWE wrestler Bill Goldberg is playing Santa and doing his own stunts? And that Brett Ratner (Rush Hour 1-3, X-Men 3) produced this?

There is much fun to be had here such as Santa beating up Christmas Carolers, kids running from Santa on snow mobiles, and a Jew holding up the Star of David to Santa (similar to a cross to a Vampire) in hopes his faith would save him. You will see a candy cane in the eye, a Christmas star in the back, Santa's sleigh getting valet parking, and some Ho-Ho-Hoes in stripper attire.

The production values were very high and it looks as though it was shot on 35mm. They had great props like a Santa's Slay driven by a yak/ buffalo (?). The sound varied a bit during dialogue-heavy and action-heavy scenes, which caused me to raise and then lower the volume a few times.

I only have two minor gripes. While there is a high body count, they skimp on the gore. The film overall is more comedic than scary, so Gorehounds will not be as amused.

Another thing was girlfriend Mary's personality inconsistencies. (Yes, I pay attention to character development even in horror films). They show her as a strong woman driving a big truck, shooting guns, and putting her boyfriend's hands on her breasts. But once Santa arrives, she can only whine about how scared she is. She even pulls out the Stupid Card by stopping dead in her tracks while in the middle of a getaway to talk to her boyfriend about her feelings.

Favorite Quote: A few good ones, but my favorite was when Nicholas shines a flashlight in Santa's eyes temporarily blinding him and Santa yells, "I'm Santa Claus, not f*cking Dracula!"

DVD Extras: Scene Selection, Audio Set Up, Deleted Scenes, Casting, "Taking the Reins" (Steiman's First Film), 2 Easter Eggs (one features 6 trailers), and of course Commentary with the Director and Producer. This explained how Goldberg met his wife. She was a stunt double for the trapeze stripper in pasties whose crotch his face was buried in for 4 days. Duh. How else would they have fallen in love?

Bottom Line: Good for some laughs, but minimal gores/sex. Best viewing with friends and beer.

Rating: 7/10

Molly Celaschi www.HorrorYearbook.com MySpace.com/HorrorYearbook