- John Smith: [while driving, pursued by hit men in three black BMW'S] I never told you, but I was married once before.
- Jane Smith: [slams on the brakes]
- John Smith: What's wrong with you?
- Jane Smith: [slapping John's arms and legs] You're what's wrong with me John.
- John Smith: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.
- Jane Smith: Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.
- [pause]
- Jane Smith: What's her name and social security number?
- John Smith: No, you're not gonna kill her.
- [about the new curtains Jane bought]
- Jane Smith: If you don't like them we can take them back.
- John Smith: All right, I don't like them.
- Jane Smith: [pause] You'll get used to them.
- John Smith: [after he throws a butcher's knife at her and misses] Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!
- [last lines]
- John Smith: [at marriage counseling] Ask us the sex question.
- Jane Smith: [whispers] John.
- John Smith: [excitingly, stretches out all ten fingers] Ten.
- Jane Smith: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet.
- John Smith: [takes her hand and starts walking towards the dance floor in a fancy restaurant] Dance with me.
- Jane Smith: You don't dance.
- John Smith: It was just my cover, sweetheart.
- Jane Smith: Was sloth your cover, too?
- Jane Smith: [after John hands her a small revolver] Wait, why do I get the girl gun?
- John Smith: Are you kidding me?
- Eddie: You gotta take this bitch out!
- John Smith: [while taking burned pieces of papers out of a portable furnace to look for clues] Don't tell me how to handle my wife.
- John Smith: [after throwing her across the dining room table and onto the floor, standing up behind her, welcoming her by gesturing with his fingers] Come to Daddy.
- Jane Smith: [she stands up bashes him with a teapot wrapped in a white cloth and headbutts him] Who's your Daddy now?
- John Smith: We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.
- Jane Smith: [driving a stolen minivan] My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.
- John Smith: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?
- Jane Smith: Paid actor.
- John Smith: I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!
- [John has just returned from shooting Lucky at the bar]
- Jane Smith: Hey baby. I didn't hear you downstairs.
- John Smith: I went down to the sports bar. Put a little money on the game.
- Jane Smith: How'd you do?
- John Smith: I got "Lucky".
- John Smith: How many? Ok... I'll go first, then. I don't keep exact count, but I'd say, uh, high 50s, low 60s. I mean, I know I've been around the block an all, but...
- Jane Smith: 312.
- John Smith: What? How?
- Jane Smith: Some were two at a time.
- Jane Smith: [lying down in the hallway of their home] That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
- John Smith: Jean-Luc Gespar.
- Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.
- John Smith: I got it.
- John Smith: [after Jane accidentally throws a knife that punctures his leg] We'll talk about this later.
- John Smith: [just before running over an assassin with the minivan] These fuckers get younger every year.
- John Smith: [angry that Benjamin, tied to a chair, had blown their cover] You burn the picture after you get the assignment! It's the first thing you learn!
- Benjamin: [sarcastically] Oh, I must have missed that day. Just like you missed the one about not marrying the enemy.
- Jane Smith: [referring to the hit men in three black BMW'S pursuing them] They're bulletproof!
- John Smith: [having not heard the hit men in three black BMW'S pursuing them and shot three times at the three black BMW'S chasing them] They're bulletproof!
- John Smith: [after having accidentally shot at his wife, Mr. Smith is on the roof of her car while she's trying to throw him off] Come on, let's talk about this! You don't want to go to bed angry!
- John Smith: Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like.
- Jane Smith: Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.
- Jane Smith: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we *don't* say to each other. What's that called?
- Marriage Counselor: Marriage.
- Jane Smith: [over a speakerphone] I thought I told you not to bother me at the office, honey.
- John Smith: [over the Bluetooth headset phone] Well, you are still Mrs. Smith.
- Jane Smith: [over a speakerphone] Well, so are a lot of girls.
- John Smith: [to Benjamin Danz] Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punchline is... you die.
- John Smith: [over the Bluetooth headset phone, trying to beat Jane home] I guess that's what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.
- Eddie: [sitting in front of John in a diner] Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.
- Jane Smith: [turns around her chair at the bar] This lying bitch?
- Eddie: Guess that was just wishful thinking.
- John Smith: [after Jane escapes on a high wire, stand the ledge of the ledge of the floor in her building] Chicken shit!
- Jane Smith: [shouting from a broken window] Pussy!
- John Smith: [over the Bluetooth headset phone, trying to beat Jane home] That's the second time you've tried to kill me today.
- Jane Smith: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] Oh, come on, it was just a little bomb.
- Eddie: Did you get a look at him?
- John Smith: Little thing. Buck ten, buck fifteen tops.
- Eddie: Maybe he was Filipino!
- John Smith: I'm not even sure it was a him.
- Eddie: You saying you had your ass handed to you by some girl?
- John Smith: I think so. A pro.
- John Smith: I never went to MIT. Notre Dame. Art history major.
- Jane Smith: Art?
- John Smith: History! It's reputable.
- [both have discovered that they were on the desert and one tried to kill the other]
- John Smith: I missed you.
- Jane Smith: I missed you too.
- Jane Smith: [over a speakerphone] you really expect me to roll over and play dead?
- John Smith: [over the Bluetooth headset phone] Well, you should be used to it after five years of marriage.
- Jane Smith: Six... and I'm not leaving.
- John Smith: [while dancing, after Jane asked what had happened to their marriage] I have a theory, newly developed.
- Jane Smith: I'm breathless to hear it.
- John Smith: I think you killed us.
- Jane Smith: Provocative.
- John Smith: Why do you care? I was just a cover
- Jane Smith: Who says you were just a cover?
- John Smith: [pauses] Wasn't I?
- John Smith: I realise you witnessed the Mrs. and I working through a few domestic issues. That's regrettable but don't take that to be a sign of weakness, that would be a mistake on your part.
- [Jane is drumming her fingers impatiently]
- John Smith: Honey!
- Jane Smith: Wrap it up.
- John Smith: Maybe it's not such a good idea to undermine me in front of the hostage - sends a mixed message.
- Jane Smith: Sorry.
- John Smith: Girls. Where was I?
- Benjamin: Mistake on your part.
- John Smith: Shut up.
- John Smith: [to Jane, while pursued by hit men in three black BMW'S] It's called evasive driving, sweetheart!
- John Smith: [after firing a rocket launcher, holding it and looking at it closely] We should so not be allowed to buy these.
- Benjamin: [while being interrogated and tortured by John Smith] Can I have a soda or a juice or...
- Benjamin: [Jane hits him with the telephone] A! A! Option A! Ow, that hurt.
- John Smith: Ok, that was a nice shot.
- John Smith: [they stop dancing, after his wife checks his crotch for a weapon] That's all John, sweetheart.
- John Smith: [hitman from the BMW opens the van's left door. John opens the other van door and yanks the hitman through] These doors are handy.
- John Smith: [over the Bluetooth headset phone] The first time we met, what was your first thought?
- Jane Smith: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] You tell me.
- John Smith: I thought... I thought you looked like Christmas morning, I don't know how else to say it.
- Jane Smith: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] And why are you telling me this now?
- John Smith: I guess in the end you start thinking about the beginning... so there it is, I thought you should know.
- Eddie: [awoken by a message with a job offer of $400,000] Tempting but I don't get out of bed for less than half a million dollars.
- Jane Smith: [dancing with John, he's just finished searching her for weapons] Satisfied?
- John Smith: Not for years.
- Marriage Counselor: [during a marriage counseling session] On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?
- Jane Smith: 8
- John Smith: Wait Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...
- Marriage Counselor: Just respond instinctively.
- John Smith: Ok. Ready?
- Jane Smith, John Smith: 8.
- Lucky: What? You're looking for a job or something?
- John Smith: You are the job.
- [John kills everybody in the room]
- John Smith: [looking at the cards at the table] Pair of threes.