The 75th Annual Academy Awards

As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a GoodFella... sorry, I'll start again.

As far back as I can remember, I've been tuning into the Oscars; first the edited highlights while living in Barbados and stuck with CBC Channel 8, then the coverage on CNN (when they still carried showbiz stuff), and then when I returned to England, it was time to sit up late or get up early and watch them live. The Academy Awards, like them or not, still have a glitz and pull no other award show on Earth can match; the BAFTAs and the Golden Globes can try all they want, but no matter whether they come before or after, they'll always be mere appetizers to the main event.

This year's, back on BBC1 (who incidentally pretended that losing them to Sky didn't matter... okay, but why did they make such a fuss when they got them BACK?), was amazing not so much for the results - "Chicago" won Best Picture? Who didn't see that coming? - as for the fact that it only overran by about four minutes. Keep up the tight reins, folks (or maybe ensure that not all the nominated songs get performed again). The segments in between the awards with Jonathan Ross interviewing various Americans and Brits are always a cue for me to change the channel or mute it, but the rest of the show...

Five Bad Things:

1. The failure of Eminem to turn up and accept an Oscar for Barbra Streisand (E&B would have been a team for the ages).

2. The snubbing, for the most part, of "The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers."

3. The continuing prejudice of the producers (apparently if you're winning a major acting prize you can talk as long as you want).

4. Steve Martin's joke about Mickey Mouse being one of "America's leading black actors."

5. Jennifer Garner appearing alongside the aforementioned actor of colour (it must have been a Disney/ABC thing).

Five Good Things:

1. Jennifer Garner appearing and a) maintaining her dignity and b) being one of the best-looking women there (if she, Salma Hayek or Halle Berry are reading this...). No wonder she was nominated for an Emmy for "Alias."

2. Most of Steve Martin's other jokes (not least the one about Hollywood willing to work with actors of any age - "Young...[picture of Haley Joel Osment]... middle-aged... [picture of Natalie Portman]... or old [picture of Reese Witherspoon]").

3. Adrien Brody, for delivering the best acceptance speech of the night (sorry Michael Moore, but political statements do not count), and for not letting the opportunity to snog Halle Berry go by.

4. The fact that "Chicago" didn't win all the Oscars it was up for, sparing us from hearing "All That Jazz" 11 times.

5. The Oscars giving the Animated Feature award to the only non-American feature nominated (though non-Disney fans note "Spirited Away" was released there by... guess).

And I'll be watching again next year...

In terms of the results happened more the way I wanted. Here's my take on the major categories:

Best Picture: Chicago deserved to win. Great movie (although NOT as good as Moulin Rouge). However, I think the top 5 should have been: Adaptation, Chicago, Far From Heaven, Frida, and The Hours. I think my favorite is Heaven, but Chicago should have won anyway.

Best Actor: NICOLAS CAGE SHOULD HAVE ONE!!! He did the most amazing, challenging performance I have EVER seen an actor do (except Ewan McGregor in M.R....I'm a fanatic). He was totally robbed, but then again I didn't expect him to win.

Best Actress: Victory for Nicole! Well-deserved-she was incredible in the Hours. Yet, my favorite was Julianne Moore for Heaven. Such an underrated movie in the academy's eyes, and she was unbelievable. But I'm really happy Nicole finally has an Oscar.

Supporting Actor: What can I say? Dennis Quaid is the winner hands down. But since he wasn't NOMINATED, Chris Cooper will have to do...actually he was really really good.

Supporting Actress: MERYL!! I LOVE YOU! I met her and she was incredibly sweet. Oh yeah, she did an amazing job in Adaptation. Catherine did extremely well too, though--just not quite the same.

PS~Steve Martin was hilarious, as usual. He was the same two years ago. It should just be all him, and maybe Billy Crystal too.

Despite the muted tone of the 75th Academy Awards, there were some outstanding moments and here are a few of the observations I care to make on the whole affair:

1) Adding not a bit of class to the televised event was CAMERON DIAZ, busily chewing gum and staring vacantly at some of the old-time presenters, as though she either didn't recognize them or didn't appreciate that they were a part of film history;

2) ADRIEN BRODY giving a genuinely heart-felt acceptance speech, including the surprisingly passionate kiss for Halle Berry! Talk about taking advantage of a situation, but at least he was honest about it;

3) MICHAEL MOORE making a complete jackass of himself by taking the stage to receive an award (for a non-documentary, by the way), and then erupting into a tirade against President Bush and the war that was greeted at first with abashed silence and then a round of well-deserved boos from the overwhelmingly liberal Hollywood crowd;

4) OLIVIA DE HAVILLAND receiving a standing ovation and still radiating good health and classic loveliness even with silver-white hair as she presented 59 of the past winners. Among the missing: ELIZABETH TAYLOR, which was just as well considering her diamonds would have weighed her down, even if she was sitting in a wheelchair, and would have called for even more of a bodyguard atmosphere than usual;

5) Among those who didn't look so well (some even shockingly bad), were KARL MALDEN, JENNIFER JONES (who looked like a wax figure), TERESA WRIGHT, GEORGE CHAKIRIS (another wax figure), KIRK DOUGLAS, DUSTIN Hoffman, PATRICIA NEAL and CLIFF ROBERTSON.

Although it was good to see a stage full of former winners, one couldn't help noticing how few of them resembled their former selves on screen.

STEVE MARTIN did an okay job as presenter, easily rebuffing Michael Moore with a clever comeback line about the Mafia, but unfortunately veering into tasteless territory with his jokes about MICKEY ROONEY's age or the sexual ambiguities of stars like JACK NICHOLSON and others.

I was especially impresssed with one of de Havilland's comments after observing that much had changed since the earlier times. "What hasn't changed," she said, in her gentle tone, "is our love of the movies. They inspire us and help us through troubled times." She's done so many Oscar shows as presenter (not to mention winner) and is always a reminder of how classy Hollywood performers used to be.

The actually ceremony has already been effectivly reported on by my esteemed colleagues below, so I will retrict this to why I watched.One of the previous reviewers obviously likes Olivia de Havilland but is wrong saying she is the only one still alive after 59 years.There was an actress, revealed in the group portrait, who won in the 1930's and is the oldest winning Oscar survivor but I cannot remember her name.For me this group portrait is more entertaining than listening to all and sundry saying "Thankyou" all evening.

My particular favourite is Jennifer Jones, who won best actress for "Song of Bernadette "(1943) in the 1944 ceremony.I have watched and own videos of every one of her movies from 1939-1974 and have taped most of her screened personal appearances since then.Film fans know she makes very rare public appearances so any glimpse is to be treasured.I have photos of her from age 2 until her present age 84 from her available biographies, memoirs of her and from contemporary magazines etc.I also make regular contributions to her tribute web site.Long may she live!!

Like a great number of other people I had mixed feelings whether the Oscars should be going ahead or not , it`s almost impossible to justify an extravaganza like the academy awards while there`s a war going on , but to their credit the producers kept it fairly low key with no massive self congratulation that we often see . And credit where it`s deserved to Chris Cooper and Adrien Brody for their dignified speeches . Brody especially won my respect as he mentioned his friend out in the Gulf . But of course there`s always someone who doesn`t know when to keep their mouth shut . Whatever the rights and wrongs of the Gulf war Michael Moore shouldn`t have been allowed to go on a political rant and should have been cut off long before he was , Jane Fonda didn`t bring heartfelt opinions to the Oscars so someone who`s not fit to lace Miss Fonda`s boots shouldn`t either . I did enjoy Steve Martin`s wisecrack about teamsters helping Michael Moore into the boot of his limo

And speaking of Martin I thought he was the best host the event has ever had. Barbed comments about red carpets , and France and Germany had me grinning , but I laughed out loud as he said that it doesn`t matter if you`re straight ( Camera cuts to Harrison Ford ) or Gay ( Camera cuts to Jack Nicholson ) . Martin then said he wasn`t going to mention the people he slept with ( Camera cuts to Nicole Kidman , Julie Andrews etc ) but the best line was about the gay mafia: " I don`t want to mention them in case I wake up with a poodle`s head in my bed " Here`s hoping Martin is the host for many years to come

As for the awards themselves THE TWO TOWERS was the only picture I saw last year that was nominated for Best Film so I can`t really comment if the awards were justified or not but I thought there was something fundementally wrong with the choice for best director . Obviously having sex with a minor and jumping bail isn`t a bad career move and it was nice to see some members sat in their seats shaking their heads when the winner was announced . You`ve also got to feel sorry for Martin Scorsese since the rumour mill has been whispering that GANGS OF NEW YORK was his last chance to pick up the award for best director . I was also shocked that the film didn`t pick up any awards on the night as Daniel Day Lewis was the hot tip for best actor . CHICAGO won best film which surprised me as it picked up a row of Oscars for technical achivements but then lost out to THE PIANIST for all the major awards

So a night of surprises and controversy . Let`s hope next year we`ll see Steve Martin hosting Oscar night where RETURN OF THE KING sweeps the board