Ankle Biters

You know when people say "That is the worst movie ever!" Well, I don't say that much at all, but for this one, DEFINITELY! This movie IS the worst movie I've seen, and that's why I have it in my DVD collection. This movie is so bad, that it actually has a lot of redeeming value. It's the kind of movie that you will want to watch with your buddies while cracking open a cool one. Example for how bad this movie is: One scene called for a bar tender; so a real bartender (not an actor) was used and the set was his own bar! And vampires walking in daytime; yup, the filmmakers didn't have any lights for night-time shooting. And it's even shot in mini DV.

Worst movie ever, WATCH IT!

This film is pretty much just a $10 ripoff of the Blade films but with ghetto biker zombie vampire redneck MIDGETS. Basically, there's a sword that exists that can transform a tall human who is stabbed with it into a vampire, as it is the same sword that killed the last tall vampire. Or something. The ghetto biker zombie vampire redneck midgets get ahold of the sword by making a deal with some mobsters and then it's up to Drexel and his midget pal, T-Bone, to kill the evil midgets or something. Meanwhile, the evil midgets stab a redneck mechanic, and he becomes a vampire slave. So, the rest of the film is some fights between midgets and some walking around and some talking and some horrible redneck acting. And a slow-motion backflip scene.

I can honestly say that there's NOTHING to like about this film. It's a rare film that isn't so bad it's good... it's just plain BAD. It's just a boring waste of time, with the ONLY POSSIBLE SAVING GRACE being that you want to watch to see how amateurish and terrible things can get. Drexel is one of the worst human beings in history.

Awful.

Good grief, Charlie Brown. I thought I had seen the worst movie ever (that being "The House That Screamed" and its sequel) but here comes "Ankle Biters". I have to commend the makers of this movie for one thing though. They managed to scour the Earth and locate the worst actors and put them in the same movie. Bravo! I know that this is a low budget film and you can't hold that against them but come on. Did they write this movie as they were filming? Because the "actors" (or friends of the director) delivered their lines like a stiff board. It pains me that absolute garbage can be packaged in a video cassette. Don't get me wrong. I love to rent b-movie horror films. It's enjoyable just to watch them and poke fun throughout the movie. And every once in awhile you find a diamond in the rough, (i.e. "Dog Soldiers") but this movie is so boring you want to scream. Oh, and invest in a boom mike. Not that it would have helped this movie but at least you can hear the stiff lines.

Dwarf vampires... an exploitation film at its finest. Or so you might think.

From the moment that you first see the bad camera work and can't identify what was just said with the horrid sound recording, you know that you're in for a ride that you will remember in your worst nightmares.

I love low-budget independents. They are almost always made with passion and love. This one looks to have been made on a couple cases of really cheap beer and a couple of hundred bucks. There is a story here. Kind of. Mostly there are dwarf alcoholics, motorcycles, and what I would call bad acting (except that acting usually requires a modicum of effort).

The music for the closing credits will haunt you long after you have tried to forget the rest of the movie. (THREE FEET TALL! TWO INCH FANGS!)

However, I must give props to the filmmakers for actually making a feature and getting it distributed. It sets the bar for the wannabe indie filmmaker and gives us hope that one day, we too will be famous.

The film is quite simply a life changing experience for until you have seen this film you can never, ever, ever truly say that you have seen a bad film. This film is an absolute must see otherwise you can never appreciate what the people on these message boards and i have witnessed.

The plot (for what its worth it does kind of have one) is just plain stupid, midget vampires trying to bring back tall vampires. And the script is so bad there are porn writers in Hollywood using it as toilet paper. And as for the camera work, direction and production i only need to tell you two things that actually happened in the film to give you some idea of how much effort and thought they put into this.

A scene with one of the midget vampires takes place in broad daylight, the film is set in Atlanta (it looks more like Texas to be honest with you) so needless to say thats its pretty damn sunny. And in order to create the illusion of one of the midget vampires jumping on a table they simply made him jump of it and played it backwards. They must have been pretty pleased with how this panned out because they used the exact same trick....as a matter of fact i believe it was even the exact same shot 3 times! For the amount of effort this thing must have taken i would say it doesn't even deserve to be rewarded with a spot on the worst 100 films of all time, but, i do believe that it is without doubt the worst film ever made. So with that in mind who are we to deprive this film of its place in history? Come on people get watching and voting, there can't be anything worse than this out there.