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The Even Stevens Movie (2003)

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The Even Stevens Movie

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  • Donnie: How could you steal all our food?
  • Ren: As usual, Donnie, you have everything backwards.
  • Donnie: ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID?
  • Ren: No. I am calling you a liar!
  • Louis: You guys had to get back at us, huh? Thank you!
  • Beans: But we got the evidence! How do you explain this, Louis?
  • Louis: You stole my food... AND MY SHIRT? Gimme that, you little worm-eating...!
  • Ren: Don't you talk to him like that!
  • Louis: What, is Beansy your little boyfriend now, Ren?
  • Ren: You don't have the right to talk! You caused all the trouble and you ate all the food!
  • Eileen Stevens: Okay, enough. Enough, kids. Stop. You kids shouldn't fight just because your father's trying to teach me a lesson.
  • Steve: And what would that be?
  • Eileen Stevens: Look, Steve, I know that you're upset since you've been out of work and that you are trying to prove to Ren and Beans that you can put food in their mouths.
  • Steve: What?
  • Eileen Stevens: But couldn't you leave a little something for us?
  • Steve: Don't twist this around! There wasn't a crumb of food left when we got up there! It's almost like you're trying to make me look bad!
  • Eileen Stevens: Now you are losing it.
  • Steve: DON'T TELL ME I'M LOSING IT!
  • Eileen Stevens: Don't you yell in front of my family!
  • Steve: IT'S MY FAMILY TOO!
  • Louis: Hold on, hold on. Mom, we don't need them. We don't need them! We'll be fine on our own, thank you.
  • Ren: Oh, really? Well, you can sleep out in the rain tonight!
  • Louis: WE CAN AND WE WILL!
  • Louis: This morning, I thought I saw a cheeseburger doing yoga!
  • Ren: [about to shove Louis over a cliff] I cannot tell you how long I have waited for this day...
  • Louis: WAIT A LITTLE BIT LONGER!
  • Louis: Hold on. Okay, you know this is boring, and you just wanna go because you broke up with your stupid boyfriend and want to get away.
  • Ren: And you just wanna stay here and sit on your stupid chair.
  • Donnie: Do they have cable?
  • Miles McDermott: Son, the beauty of Mandelino is there is no modern convenience of any kind.
  • Donnie: Guys, this sounds kinda cool. I mean, I can run on the beach, get into football shape...
  • Louis: Donnie, come on! You can run here and get in shape here. Please.
  • Eileen Stevens: You know, Steve, this could be a wonderful family adventure. It could be everything we've been hoping for.
  • Louis: No, Mom, listen... Listen, here's an adventure: You can stay here at home and give me breakfast and do my laundry, and that'll be an adventure. Dad, come on! Dad, listen. Dad... CAN SOMEBODY PUT A STOP TO THE MADNESS, PLEASE!
  • Twitty: Tom?
  • Tom Gribalski: Ahoy, mateys! What brings you landlubbers down to the salty brine?
  • Twitty: Speak English, please?
  • Tom Gribalski: Oh, excuse me... Whass'up...?
  • Twitty: Okay, I'll tell you guys again: I've never met the Stevens family, okay? My name is Lawrence Honeytoast, I'm a marine biologist, and I'm here on top-secret government business.
  • [Beans farts in Louis's face]
  • Louis: Oh... mother of pearl, Beans! MOTHER OF PEARL! OH WOW!
  • Beans: Sorry! I'm a little gassy in the morning!
  • Beans: [to Steve] Wanna go skinny dippin'?
  • [Louis has a remote control beach ball flying around the graduation]
  • Louis: Now time... for the confetti.
  • [Presses button]
  • Beans: Confetti? I thought you said...
  • [Beach ball full of spaghetti explodes]
  • Beans: ...Spaghetti!
  • Louis: Beans, your lack of listening skills have finally paid off!
  • Tom Gribalski: The technology is amazing.
  • Twitty: It's your masterpiece!
  • Tawny Dean: Are you really gonna sit in this thing all summer?
  • Louis: Hold on, hold on! Don't call her a "thing!" She's my ultra-loungematic superchair.
  • [push a button so that an arm gives him a soda. He drinks of it]
  • Twitty: Sweet!
  • Louis: [belches] Watch this, watch this.
  • [pushing down another button so the machine quivers and gives him massage]
  • Louis: Like a thousand tiny fingers working all the right parts.
  • Tawny Dean: You've brought laziness to an art form.
  • [Louis pushes another button]
  • The Ultra-Loungematic Superchair: Thank-you. Taw-ny.
  • Louis: Ren, I'm your brother, and I love messin' with you. But I would never do anything to hurt you.
  • Ren: We're tired, we're hungry, and we just got attacked by a killer squirrel!
  • Louis: You stole my food... and my shirt?
  • Ren: Well, you can sleep in the rain tonight!
  • Louis: We can... and we will!
  • Ren: This would be such a great moment if this syrup wasn't so thick!
  • Steve: That's my little girl up there!
  • Donnie: I know, Dad, I'm her brother.
  • Gil: Ren, are you upset?
  • Ren: You dump me in a pancake house, and you wonder if I'm upset?
  • Steve: Stop it! Would the two of you get along for five minutes, please?
  • Louis: No!
  • Ren: No way!
  • [about the slug the tribal people offered the Stevens family to eat]
  • Miles McDermott: Havin' trouble gettin' it down, huh?
  • Louis: [spits slug out on Beans' head] I, uh... I generally try to avoid snacks that leave a trail of slime.
  • Louis: So, you say bye to Jason?
  • Ren: Yeah, for now. Hey... thank you. This time you didn't ruin things so bad.
  • Steve: Whoa, careful kids! You don't wanna break anything!
  • Ren: [evilly] Oh yes... I do.
  • [Tom was singing "Blow the Man Down"]
  • Twitty: Tom! TOM! It's getting dark, and I'm getting seasick so I want a little less singing, and little more sailing, OKAY?
  • Tom Gribalski: Well, excuse me, Benedict Twitty! If you don't like a good sea shanty, maybe you should take the bus to Cadelona!
  • Mootai: Your mother and brothers are feasting as we speak.
  • Ren: Feasting?
  • Mootai: It's like eating, but with bigger plates.
  • Miles McDermott: [as Ren is chasing Louis through the forest with a spear, on camera] Don't worry. She wouldn't hurt him.
  • Ren: I'm gonna hurt you, Louis!
  • Louis: [pulls out second chair]
  • [to Tawny]
  • Louis: Come sit next to papa.
  • Tom Gribalski: I'll sit next to papa any time!
  • Lance LeBow: You know, we put this prank together in a matter of just a couple of hours thanks to family friends, Alan Twitty and Tawny Dean Now, what prompted you two to call Gotcha with this great prank?
  • Twitty: Uhh... guilt and shame.
  • Tawny Dean: Okay, I would like to say that embarrassing innocent people on TV for fun and profit is one of the lowest, disgusting...
  • [Tawny and cameraman fight over the camera]
  • Tawny Dean: Gimme that!
  • [after learning the islanders' tiki goddesses' name]
  • Eileen Stevens: [to Miles] Oprah?
  • Miles McDermott: It's a coincidence.
  • Twitty: Well, it's all our fault...
  • [Twitty stops guiltily. Tawny stare at him]
  • Twitty: Uh, all my fault... I set them up.
  • Tom Gribalski: I'm doubly appalled.
  • Tawny Dean: You could help us, Tom. And you could help Louis.
  • Tom Gribalski: Well, Louis is my friend... when it suits him. And I can accept that. What can I do?
  • Twitty: Can you sail this tub to Catalona?
  • Ruby: [when Ren kiss Mootai] That is so beautiful
  • Monique Taylor: Gee, maybe you forgot... It's not real!
  • Ruby: Who cares? It's so romantic.
  • Miles McDermott: This is gonna be sweet!
  • Twitty: I'll show you sweet.
  • Louis: [to Miles] Gotcha!
  • Louis: Wanna sit right here next to papa?
  • [Tawny looks at him, but then smiles and walks towards the plane]

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