Insólito destino

This was visually a very pretty movie. The color of the ocean was so BLUE and the white sand beaches were so PRISTINE. The cinematography and tableaus created were so BREATHTAKING that the only pleasure one can derive fom this mess is an appreciation of the beaches in Sardinia. But all of that does not make up for a lack of plot or mischaracterizations of the protagonists. Madonna, who gets marooned on an island with a macho Italian steortypical guy reminded me of a petulant teenager. She related to her husband and Italain macho guy as a naughty teen would. No real depth of anything. The "funny" scenes were merely embarrassing. How could Guy Ritchie make something this bad? It doesn't make any sense after seeing Snatch and Lock, Stock. IT IS STOMACH CHURNING AWFUL people! I felt queasy with the slow motion fake-tears-chasing and the accompanying vertiginous piano: ping! ping! ping! This film was a romp on the beach with adults acting acting like thirteen year old dominant/submissives. (Madonna kissing macho's foot after she submits to him - bleh.)Most of the island scenes between these two adults were filmed like a home movie with the light shining on a worn out looking Madonna: "Look at me! See how buff and pretty I am! I can do push ups and dancie dance, and see how big my biceps are?" Oh my God. This was bad. Madonna doesn't act, she just plays herself. Just because she can cry on cue doesn't mean she is an actress.

and forget this. Completely. If you really need to see Madonna act, rent "Body of Evidence", at least Willem Defoe is in that one.

In this film, while the sets are beautiful, you may want to mute the dialog. You won't miss anything. Bruce Greenwood is wasted, Jeanne Tripplehorn is a prop, and Madonna is so awful, it becomes amusing. Why they had to butcher the original film into this mess, I will never know; guess they thought it was "bankable". Madonna, as an actress, certainly is NOT.

If you rent the original film from 1979, though, you will enjoy it, and the actors in it can actually act. 1/10.

In 1974, Lina Wertmüller brought out "Swept Away". It was a very usual film and it was an interesting parable about the class system. This movie was quite good...and rather shocking when it came to sexuality (this remake is far less explicit). And, in 2002, an unnecessary remake came out that was not so good...and fans hated it...hated it so much that it's currently #84 on IMDB's imfamous Bottom 100 list. This list consists of the lowest rated major motion pictures...ever! So is this remake that bad? Could it be?

In the original film, a spoiled rich lady is aboard a yacht and she treats the crew very badly. When she and a crew member are washed overboard, they find themselves stuck on a deserted island...and the class difference between them is sorely tested. Here, the plot is very similar though Madonna's character is even nastier and irritating...and to everyone...so much you wonder how she could have a husband and friends. I think they tried a bit too hard to make her unlikable...to the point where it seemed almost cartoonish....sort of like having Cruella de Ville aboard! Subtle, it sure ain't!

So, apart from Madonna playing the character too harhsly, what else was I not fond of in the film? Much of it is that in the original film, the story was about the couple. Here, however, it often seems to be more about Madonna. Not only does the film focus more on her, there's even a totally inappropriate and silly song and dance number...on the desert island...complete with a band!! Do I blame her for this? Not necessarily. The script was written by her husband at the time as well as directed by him. Ultimately, the blame would be Guy Ritchie's for having the part written so poorly. Oddly, the rest of the script is fine...and a lot like the original. Now I've seen several amazingly good Ritchie films...and perhaps it is just an example of why you shouldn't give your wife a starring role, as in this case he seemed to make it look more like a vanity project than a good remake. Overall, watchable and not as bad as its appearance on the Bottom 100 would suggest...but still a not especially good movie...especially because they changed the ending...thus neutering its message about class warfare! Instead, they avoided the anti-capitalist message and made the story all about love...and Wertmüller was apparently horrified that they'd done this.

By the way, casting Adriano Giannini as Giuseppi was really interesting, as his father, Giancarlo, starred in the original "Swept Away"--playing the same role (though the character's name was changed).

Madonna, you cannot act. I'm sorry, but some people have the chops, and some people don't. If you don't have the chops, there are ways to overcome those limitations, but not nearly enough if you want to play the lead, and the lead in a romantic comedy no less (and I use that term loosely here, there is nothing romantic or funny about this movie, and I had just eaten a magic brownie 2 hours earlier). Please get it out of your head whatever aspirations you have of being a movie star, and stick to doing what it is you do best, which seems to be reinventing yourself every odd year or so.

It is a minor Masterwerke, and tells the tale in a far more engaging way. The scenery is also gorgeous, and there is an eerie 1960s feel about the film...also an at first snappy, and then increasingly haunting soundtrack...WE should see ALL of Wertmullers films remastered on DVD.