Tiro penal

Mean Machine is an English reworking of Robert Aldrich's 1974 beefcake Burt Reynolds starrer, The Longest Yard. Substituting Gridiron for Soccer, director Barry Skolnick, along with his roll call of British "faces", is only aiming for one market.

That of the footie worshipping clan that primarily resides within the United Kingdom.

Very much a long way from competing on the same playing field as Aldrich's superior movie, Mean Machine does have enough about it to make it an enjoyable viewing outside of the excellently constructed soccer match that fills out the last third of the piece. But with the film's reputation being far from good, the chance that many others feel the same as me are pretty remote. About as remote as Accrington Stanley winning the English Premiere League one feels.

The problem would seem to lay with the first hour, violence and humour thrust together does not always yield great rewards, and so it be with the wet behind the ears direction from Skolnick. Caught between a tough portrayal of British prison life and outright slapstick, it's an odd bedfellow that Skolnick can't quite get right. And with Guy Ritchie on the sidelines donning the "supervising producer" shirt, one can't help thinking that Ritchie would have made substantially more with the material to hand. But as "I" say, there's enough there for the discerning fan of blood and banter.

Led by the watchable Jones, the cast, outside of the miscast David Hemmings as the Governor, pull out the stops to entertain the terrace faithful. Danny Dyer haters will enjoy him getting knocked about as he plays simpleton Billy Limpet, while Jason Statham is a joy as Monk, a Jock that even the Jocks are afraid of. While also putting in scene stealing shifts of note are Jamie Sives, Vas Blackwood and Omid Djalili. It's no piece of work to rank in the higher echelons of British movies - or sports movies in general for that matter. But in spite of its soggy formula and over reliance on the template film it's working from, it's very funny at times, and if you like soccer? Well the actual match is well worth the wait. 7/10

Footnote: The Longest Yard/Mean Machine was met with another re- imaging in 2005 with Adam Sandler as the disgraced lead protagonist. Proof positive that it's either a formula that many can't resist? Or that it's one that some feel still hasn't yet met its potential?

Based on the 1974 American movie, The Longest Yard, Mean Machine is about an ex-pro footballer/soccer player who is sent to prison. Hated at first, he gains friends when he begins to coach an all-convict soccer team against the prison guards' already-established team.

I haven't seen the original so I can't compare them but I found Mean Machine pretty enjoyable. Vinnie Jones does a good job as Danny Meehan and it's nice to see him in a role where he's not the scary one. I liked the subtle humour as well, from Massive's ironic name to the unpredictable Monk (the crazy "Scot even the Scots are afraid of" - convincingly played by Jason Statham) to the pair of commentators, Bob and Bob at the final match.

The DVD I saw included audio tracks for both the original UK theatrical release and the "domestic" (i.e. American) release. After watching the original, I learned that the American had a few words re-dubbed to make the language easier to understand for these audiences. I then watched the second version and didn't find much of a difference between the two. There were some things that the character Nitro said that were noticeably re-dubbed (which didn't help much considering the way he shouts!) and a few slang terms were changed to more international expressions. I think some reviewers of this film may have been unaware of this and so complained about the more obvious dubbing.

The only one I actually found helpful was when a character says he's in prison "for [an abbreviation]." I didn't catch what he said and the American version replaced the letters with "assault and battery." I found one change a bit puzzling though: Mr. Sykes gives the governor of the prison tips for horse racing, writing letters next to his choices on a newspaper. After losing money on a false winner ("W"), Sykes explains to the governor that "it got smudged in the rain. It says EW: either way." This was changed to "EW: to place." I thought the original was quite clear and the new one no longer matches the letters.

Overall, it's not a bad film. I liked it enough to watch it twice and if you like football/soccer and prison films, there aren't many that combine the two to choose from.

If sometimes just lacking the creativity and vitality of the 1974 film, this is an above average sports/prison drama. There are some flaws though, one or two of the characters are thinly sketched, the plot is a touch simplistic and the first half hour just lacked the energy of the latter half of the film. That said, this is well worth watching. The whole film is excellently filmed and directed, and the soccer scenes are very well done. The final third is absolutely riveting, and really makes you want to see what the outcome is at the end. The music score is fine, and the performances are very good. Vinnie Jones is convincing in his first leading role, and David Kelly is stellar as the benevolent Doc. The best pieces of casting are (despite the accent) Jason Statham as maverick keeper and Jason Flemying's rather unconventional commentator. In conclusion, this is a good film. 7/10 Bethany Cox

I really enjoyed this flick. Perhaps because I always enjoy sports related flicks, or because I am a huge fan of Vinnie Jones, thanks to Guy Richie, or maybe because I am in love with Jason Statham, also thanks to Guy.

But why I watched it in the first place was because I had always enjoyed The Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds, in fact the only flick of his I enjoyed, and was very happy to see a British version of the football classic. I loved the characters, the seamless transition from American football to European football, and the accents. Vinnie Jones gives yet another great performance, and it was nice to see so many characters return from Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels as well as Snatch (great flicks!).

I give this flick 4 1/2 stars, only because it didn't showcase "Monk" enough for my tastes.

Call them old re-cycled clichés from the past perhaps, but this film, with Vinnie Jones and Jason Statham's impressionable performances, is worth seeing before this film hits the video stores or cable! At least, their characters are equally as funny and wild as The Longest Yard-`Burt Reynolds' bunch!

Of course, this is one heck of a guy's movie where cheers are for cons, and jeers for their `screws'! Still, it is one British comedy with loads of silly goofs, strengthened by a fantastic soccer game to hold the viewers' interest. Only wish all soccer games do bring equal excitement! This flick is one mean drama that takes the whole cast to kick up laughter! Yep, good old British `tavern' parlance… if the viewers have a knack for Cockney accents and slang! I'm not a sport fan, nor am I fond of ruthless and insensible nudging, but I literally behaved like a stadium spectator, guffawing boisterously while watching one team demean another. Each team does have its psychotic players with their crazy antics! Tough charlatans and their power struggle out on the open field!

Blimey! Lots of scenes making my brains rock and belly shake! The erratic `Mambo Jumbo' music score certainly builds up steam. No doubt, I'll have to try to get used to `Irish Eyes Are Smiling' strumming up in samba beat! But overall, the music compilation does well to yank up the moods. The camerawork frequently diminishes my eye-focus in my attempt to catch up with the actions and wit! Just one big soccer field for landscape, but there's enough living action to captivate the eyes! Some cool `aerial' camera-shots too!

But atlas, this is not the sort of film that will present food for thought once it's over. Everything is predictable, as in many sport-flicks. Laugh while events last! And believe that the only credible thing about this movie is the extensity of a corrupted man's gambling woes that goes with sport, as portrayed by the villainous Hemmings!

Of course, there's one learning lesson that gets through this flick: it takes meanness to fight meanness! Surprise? Of course not! What else can one expect from a bunch of toughies, involved in a rough sport and within a sinister environment! Rules, therefore, are meant to be broken and there will be plenty of vicious manipulations up everyone's sleeves! And how each culprit tackles it is a laughing matter! I sure had fun watching this flick