Crypt of Dark Secrets

The first thing to be said is that this silly but offbeat supernatural meller is unusually well shot for a genre cheapie of the era, and that SW's DVD print transfer is a knockout--the colors just pop, and some of the photography of the swamp is very beautiful. (The interior shots have an ordinary low-budget cheesiness. The film set in swamp country near New Orleans, and an on-screen credit says it was shot there too.)

The next is that this is a rare sympathetic genre portrait of a Vietnam vet at a point when they were often portrayed as violent psychos in drive-in flicks.

Another is that this movie has a lot of "exotic" interpretive dancing, always a good thing-- better still when it's naked. (And admittedly the woman who plays the snake-changeling sorceress i"Dambella" is gorgeous, with or without clothes--though her speaking voice is some weird mid-Atlantic affectation, like certain second-rung actresses of the 1930s who wanted to sound "sophisticated" aka quasi-British.)

I like how once our hero has "passed over," afterlife is no different from the "before;" the old voodoo priestess' purple-grey hair; Dambella's costumes straight out of Victoria's Secret; the villain-team wife who looks like she'd have recorded for Olivia Records in 1976; and the incongruity of some home decor much more tastefully fussed-over than these deep- backwoods characters would ever have in their homes. That said, the movie is more an enjoyable regional oddity than something that actually sustains suspense or atmosphere. Unless you consider scary so much photography of slithering water snakes--kudos to the (admittedly pretty amateurish) actors for swimming in various scenes, when there were presumably snakes (and maybe alligators) about. Ick!

Ultimately the plot doesn't make much sense--I have no idea what the final sacrifice/ritual/apparent resurrection means--but this is still enjoyable vintage nonsense. By the way, there's no "crypt" anywhere in sight.

Hi and welcome to my review of The Crypt Of Dark Secrets.

The story gets a 0.25 out of 2: Even though Irwin Blanche and Jack Weis have an adequate story concept, their structuring and character construction leaves a lot to be desired. The story is all over the place. The Sheriff already believes in the supernatural and has demanded a professor look into a local spirit, Damballa, for no reason. Then off they go to the haunted island, again for no tangible reason. As for the characters, these are pretty two-dimensional, and their dialogue may injure your ears as it's downright dreadful. One of the gravest things is there's no damned crypt anywhere in sight.

The Direction and Pace receive a 0 out of 4: Now, this may be a bit harsh because Jack Weiss' cinematography isn't that terrible. However, it's the dreadful cutting and horrendous performances that null and voids the sole evidence of talent on show.

The Acting gets a 0.25 out of 2: Thanks to the writing, the characterisations are two-dimensional, though this doesn't stop the actors and actresses from trying their hardest to assign them one-dimensionality. And, I'll be blowed, they practically accomplish it. The rating is for Herbert Jahncke, who plays Sheriff Buck. This guy is the radiant light in the darkness. And for Maureen Ridley and her naked dancing. This lady sure can grind. Shame she's the worst actress I've ever witnessed.

And, my Enjoyment level scores a 0.25 out of 2: This rating, once again, is for both Jahncke and Ridley and their respective talents. Usually, I disagree with the way directors use older people to play teenagers. Fantastically, in Crypt, Weiss reverses this element. The old voodoo woman is played by a young twenty-something tolerating one of the worst grey wigs you'll ever see. Now, this is garbage at its worst, but there's something enormously enjoyable about it at the same time. While I was shaking my head, I was giggling. Oh, yeah, and the end of the film: I experienced such relief when the end credits rolled.

Giving The Crypt Of Dark Secrets a 0.75 out of 10:

Crypt is one hell of a stinky film and if you ever smell its stench, run as far away as possible. Do Not Watch this garbage.

Now come, explore my Crypt and check out my Absolute Horror list to see where this Haunted Horror landed in my rankings. And to find something more entertaining to watch.

CRYPT OF DARK SECRETS may not have any crypts or really dark secrets, but this southern-style 1970s B-grade drive-in fare has a little something for everyone: A story of greed, revenge and destiny...a sultry witch woman that dances in the nude and turns into a snake...greedy evil-doers...and even a touch of homoeroticism.

This is best viewed late at night with a pile of junk food and no high expectations, and delivers just enough passable entertainment to find it worthwhile. It's a simple story of a Vietnam Vet who retires to "Haunted Island" and is murdered by three locals who want his money. A supernatural woman named Damballa ressurrects the man to fulfill his destiny with her, and for her to pass punishment on those who have done wrong.

While many men will want to give it a look to see Maureen Ridley dancing naked, this film at least doesn't base itself around the naked scenes to pass itself off as a legitimate movie just so guys can drool at the bare skin. It offers a silly story with sub par acting and B-grade charm to be enjoyable enough as a guilty pleasure. It also offers a little something for the gals (and some men too *wink-wink*), as Ronald Tanet (the character of Ted the Vietnam vet) has that 1970s masculine gay porn look: Bearded, hairy chest always bare, with hip-snug denims, looking right out of a porn film from the Gage Brothers or P.M. Productions. It's rare to see a "B-grade, second billed drive-in production" that offers a little bit of everything like that, including a score that rises above the low, low budget. I still giggle when I see the local voodoo woman smirking in her heavily powdered hair!

Clocking in at a brief 1 hour 11 minutes, CRYPT OF DARK SECRETS doesn't wear out its welcome and ends after just enough silliness has paraded by. It is currently available on DVD as the second feature along with 1964's THE NAKED WITCH from Something Weird Video. For collectors of the low, low budget obscure drive-in fare, this is a delightful flick to obtain.

This is the "b-side" of a disc with Larry Buchanon's "The Naked Witch". And it very much resembles the more well-known film. After three swamp rats murder and rob a Vietnam vet in a Lousiana bayou, he is found and revived as a zombie for some reason by a strange witch name "Dambala", and he proceeds to take undead revenge on his murderers.

This is the kind of regional, low-budget film-making that they really don't do anymore. (There are, of course, the modern-day, internet-savvy fan-boys with digital cameras who might pull off something like "The Blair Witch Project" once in awhile , but that's really a different thing). Texas-based Larry Buchanon was one of the first of these filmmakers, but these guys had their real heyday in the 1970's when they took advantage of things like the bigfoot craze (i.e."The Legend of Boggy Creek") and the explosion of "sexploitation" films. The director of this, Jack Weiss, was obviously more interested in the sex films then PG-rated bigfoot "docu-dramas" (although the two things weren't necessarily mutually exclusive--there were actually some "bigfoot sex" films in the 70's). His most famous film was "Mardi Gras Massacre", a much more graphic film both in terms of sex and blood, but this movie (believe it or not) has more of a plot and is more enjoyable simply because it is not so tediously repetitive. The down-home characters are pretty endearing too (despite the generally inept acting).

This is better than "Mardi Gras Massacre", but inferior to its co-feature "Naked Witch". Since this was a 70's film though, the witch "Dambala" is certainly a lot more NAKED than the one in the earlier Buchanon film. Maureen Ridley, who plays "Dambala", has an incredible body and was obviously some kind of professional dancer--it's actually not hard to believe her nude dancing could raise the dead (and a lot of other things). I would recommend this if you enjoy low-budget regional film-making, especially as two-for-one feature with "The Naked Witch"

A Vietnam vet gets shot and is revived by an Aztec swamp witch (Maureen Ridley) who then... I'll stop here because the only thing that matters is Maureen Ridley as the witch. She levitates, gyrates and discombobulates in complete and utter nudity. She occasionally turns into a snake, and sometimes her amazing eyes glow via a shaky matte. She is a real beauty, with no apparent plastic surgery marring her natural, lithe hotness. She looks like Julie Christie, but prettier...and nuder. The dripping swamp locale, and the short running time (71minutes) are nice pluses, but in all honesty, I ended up fast forwarding to the scenes of Maureen Ridley dancing. If this film had been more widely seen, this swamp witch would have gone on to some kind of career. As it is, this is her one and only credit. Shame.